Minding Your Own Business Bill Mitchell 1 SHIFTING: The Art of Switching Lanes in Life Bill Mitchell Copyright © 2019 Bill Mitchell. All rights reserved. Published 2019 Requests for information should be addressed to: BocaLead 470 NW 4th Avenue Boca Raton, FL 33432 www.bocacommunity.org/bocalead www.shiftingbook.com BocaLead inspire mentor 2 lead Table of Contents 1 EXPRESS LANE 2 PASSING LANE 3 BIKE LANE 4 PRIVATE LANE 5 WALKING LANE 6 TURNING LANE 7 CONCLUSION 3 INTRODUCTION People get stuck in their own lane. Some of us excel at work, but fall short at home. We may be enthusiastic coaches in sports’ leagues, but incompetent leaders on the job. Our personal relationships may soar, but our spiritual life is wobbly at best. Oblivious to our present state, we excel in one lane of life at the expense of others. Most of us find a preferred lane, stay in it continuously, and neglect all the others. We experience a deep sense of accomplishment in that particular lane and falsely assume we are doing really well at everything. Of course, everyone around us is well aware that something is not right. Could this be you? You may already experience an overwhelming sense of dread as you glance at your never-ending “to do” list. “I can’t possibly do more,” you say to yourself with a sigh. You are running on all cylinders, doing everything you know to be successful. It just doesn’t feel like you’re getting any further even as you push to go faster. The crux of the matter is threefold. You are not keenly aware of what lane you are in, you do not know what lane others are in, and you do not practice the art of shifting between the other important lanes of your life. To compound the issue, leadership gurus often instruct us that exceptional leaders “stay in their lane”, remain focused, look straight ahead, and do not deviate from the plan. We buy books, attend seminars, watch videos, and listen to podcasts on how to develop clear goals, set objectives, and determine strategies. We create a vision for our future along with a strong mission statement for our work and personal life. But, are they enough? I don’t believe so. The critical missing ingredient is leadership of yourself through self-awareness. 4 Our Life Lanes Self-leadership is essential. I believe you cannot be an effective, consistent, long-term leader of others in any capacity, whether at home or on the job, without first understanding how to lead yourself. This is the reason I helped create two leadership organizations: BocaLead and WorldLead. BocaLead is a monthly business forum that encourages leaders to raise the bar of integrity and ethics while also developing consistent character in and out of the workplace. WorldLead is a strategic initiative in over 30 countries that inspires, mentors and equips non-profit leaders in the faith arena and in cross-cultural settings. Knowing how to shift lanes in your life is part of leading yourself well. Shifting aims to help you gain self-awareness in three ways: • to know how well you are navigating your own life • to understand what lane others are operating in • to practice the art of moving between the various lanes Shifting helps you explore how to lead yourself and be productive in each area of your life without sacrificing the others. Being able to shift between lanes will help you live a well-rounded life in your business, family, faith, and personal spheres. Express Lane: where you plan and design strategies to run your business or the details of your many-faceted commitments. Passing Lane: where you are in high productivity mode, getting things done. Bike Lane: where you build trust as you slow down and connect with others. Private Lane: where you engage in deep conversations and develop long-term relationships with family and loved ones. Walking Lane: where you recharge and protect yourself from burnout. Turning Lane: where you make a course correction after your mistakes. 5 EXPRESS LANE PASSING LANE BIKE LANE PRIVATE LANE WALKING LANE TURNING LANE 1 EXPRESS LANE A leader is one who knows the way, goes the way, and shows the way. ~ John Maxwell Business makes its best moves in the Express Lane. Even the coffee business keeps that pace. If you purchase your coffee from Costco, and let’s say you buy the French Roast Blend, it has traveled extensively to get to your breakfast table. Depending on the intensity you prefer, that aromatic coffee began as beans grown in four to eleven different countries. Coffee growers harvest the beans in Brazil, Vietnam, Sumatra, Indonesia, Venezuela, El Salvador, Honduras, and sometimes, Guatemala, Kenya, Ethiopia, Congo, Tanzania, and Zambia. Packed in 132-pound bags, they place the beans on cargo ships that begin the trek to your coffee machine. Beans from Asia go to Los Angeles, where they are shipped to York, Pennsylvania, a town outside of Philadelphia. Beans from Latin America travel through the Panama Canal to the port in Philadelphia and are trucked to York. Beans from Africa log the most miles, travelling by ship through the Red Sea, the Suez Canal, across the Mediterranean Sea, through the Straits of Gibraltar and then across the Atlantic Ocean to Philadelphia and on to York. All the beans end up at 4000 Espresso Way in York, PA, one of the largest coffee processing plants in the world. They are roasted, blended, tested, vacuum- sealed, and placed on pallets. The beans are trucked to a distribution center and then via another carrier to your local Costco store. You travel a few miles and pick up the French Roast Blend (why it is called French Roast is anyone’s guess) and take it home. The contents of your coffee blend has traveled over 100,000 miles to get to your coffee maker. If you add the sugar and creamers (maybe French Vanilla), the coffee maker itself, and the cups and spoons, these elements traveled tens of thousands of miles more in order for you to take that first delicious sip. 6 EXPRESS LANE PASSING LANE BIKE LANE PRIVATE LANE WALKING LANE TURNING LANE ❝ The planning and logistics the coffee company undertakes to provide you caffeine is nothing short of staggering. Similarly, and just as vital, is your planning and strategizing on how to run your business or the details of your many-faceted commitments. Use your talents, gifts, and calling to their maximum potential. The Express Lane is the conduit for big picture thinking. Here’s where you work “on” the business or issues at hand and not “in” it. You choose the speed, direction, destination, and timing with minimal distractions. Focus On The Horizon You think best in this lane. You cruise at a sustained speed with few interruptions which results in your work being well thought out. You thrive in this lane as time seems to fly and you feel accomplished at your vast productivity. Here you are definitely in your sweet spot. As a leader, it is essential that you travel in the Express Lane. Your business will flourish as you spend time here. The Express Lane on the Interstate ensures fewer interruptions, facilitates traffic flow at an accelerated speed than regular lanes permit, helping you travel a greater distance in a shorter amount of time. In business it’s called being in the zone, where you use your talents, gifts, and calling to their maximum potential. In this lane you plan, you dream, you strategize. You focus on the horizon while anticipating what is ahead. 7 EXPRESS LANE PASSING LANE BIKE LANE PRIVATE LANE WALKING LANE TURNING LANE Caution Ahead As rewarding as this pace feels, some negatives will arise. Exhaustion, burnout, or a sense of being overworked may prevail. You place important relationships on the sidelines; the project or goal becomes more important than the people at work or even your family. You become stuck on cruise control and pass people without noticing. The needs of the organization, your team, and your family are left behind. The Express Lane serves a vital purpose, but you must be mindful of the time you spend in this lane. If you charge through the Express Lane for too long, you will lose the relationships you hold dear. Use it to get where you need to go. Long term planning is beneficial. Nevertheless, be conscious that you must not stay in the Express Lane for the duration. Shift into the other lanes that enhance your life. ACTIVATE YOUR SHIFT Take a moment to reflect on your habits while you’re in the Express Lane. Here are a few questions to help you become more self-aware. What steps do you need to take to get yourself in the Express Lane? Are you spending appropriate time in the Express Lane? Are you working on strategy or just escaping on cruise control? What is one habit you can implement to remain mindful while being in the Express Lane? 8 EXPRESS LANE PASSING LANE BIKE LANE PRIVATE LANE WALKING LANE TURNING LANE 2 PASSING LANE What does it profit a person if he gains the whole world and loses his own soul. ~ Jesus Christ Work accelerates in the Passing Lane. But the pace is not always genuinely productive. A few years back, a friend of mine in the advertising business was traveling to Asia to oversee a national campaign. How cool is that! When he realized I would be in that country for two days, he invited me to drop by the six-star hotel he was calling home for six months. I called him when I arrived. Since this country had experienced recent terrorist activity, he explained they guarded his hotel like a fortress and I would not be able to access his floor. “Use the house phone at the entrance and I’ll come down and get you,” he suggested. Great! I asked, “What floor are you on?” He replied, “That really doesn’t matter. You can’t access it by yourself.” When I insisted, he shared he was on the fourth. Most people don’t realize I have a little mischief in me. I thought to myself, “I’m going to make a game out of this, get to his floor, and bypass all those guards.” In Asia many professionals still wear dark suits to work, and I followed their lead. I looked the part. Placing a folded Asian Wall Street Journal under my arm, I hopped on the subway, and exited three blocks from his hotel. I walked briskly and arrived at the hotel a little out of breath, on purpose. Glancing at the guard who was holding an automatic rifle next to the doorman, I read the doorman’s badge, and addressed him by name. “It’s a beautiful morning, and I just had a great walk,” I commented as I strode past them without pausing. Believing I was another guest at the hotel, the doorman welcomed me in. 9 EXPRESS LANE PASSING LANE BIKE LANE PRIVATE LANE Now where was the elevator? I assumed it would be past the reception desk and I aimed that way. Reading their name tags quickly, I greeted each receptionist and called out, “I just had a great walk.” I strode past as they nodded a greeting in return. Another guard was stationed at the elevator with his automatic rifle. I greeted him, described my great walk, and said, “I need the fourth floor.” He pressed the button, I went in, and exited on the fourth floor. A hostess welcomed me to the concierge floor. I requested tea, orange juice, a croissant, and access to a computer with a headset to call my wife via Skype. “Yes sir,” was her response. After connecting with Elizabeth, I finished my breakfast, requested a house phone, and dialed my friend. He replied, “Great. I’ll come downstairs and get you.” I laughed. “No need. I’m on your floor, spending your money.” He ran down the hallway and asked incredulously, “How ever did you pull this off?” After a good laugh, we spent the morning on the details of his advertising campaign and reliving my prank. I looked like a guest of that hotel and acted like one too. I walked and talked as if I belonged. Everything I did, everybody I interacted with, thought I was staying at that hotel. But if fifteen more minutes had lapsed, if my buddy hadn’t joined me, and if the hostess had given me a bill, my phony status would have been revealed. The security team would have kicked me out or had me arrested for trespassing. Even though I looked and acted the part, I was an imposter. I was pretending to be a hotel guest, but I was a fake. Here’s the point: Many people in the business world are frantically speeding through their day bypassing others and yet accomplishing very little of significance. Meaning cannot be found in the passing lane. Speed is important, but it is not the main objective. You may think you are fooling everyone, but in the long run you are only kidding yourself. 10 WALKING LANE TURNING LANE ❝ Meaning cannot be found in the passing lane. Speed is important, but it is not the main objective. EXPRESS LANE PASSING LANE BIKE LANE PRIVATE LANE WALKING LANE TURNING LANE All About The Outputs Accomplishing specific assignments at work is paramount. The Passing Lane is where you work “in” your job, proceeding with purpose and speed to completion. Your strong work ethic shines here, producing a profound sense of meaning to your day. With sheer will power, you achieve deadlines by completing your work with diligence and excellence. You are the go-to person who applies tactics that enhance outputs and results. By working in this manner, you earn higher levels of responsibility. The Passing Lane is where your task management skills are displayed. When you are home, you excel at checking off your “to do” list. At work, you are valued because you get things done in record time, moving rapidly and efficiently through your assignments. Like a master chef displaying her knife skills, you know how to chop big tasks into smaller portions. You eliminate inefficient conversations. Limiting distractions is your expertise. Caution Ahead The Passing Lane, though vital in helping you get your job done, is not a consistent place to live. Your phone takes a prominent position on your nightstand to answer those late-night emails and texts. In fact, you enjoy the barrage of emails since you derive a sense of worth from being needed. You wake up each day already positioned in the Passing Lane. Your heart races before you arrive at work. Just like the catchy song in the movie Madagascar, your life accelerates to the tune of “I Like To Move It. Move It.” You are fooling yourself if you accept the notion that high productivity should be your primary goal. You attain this level only at the expense of other far more significant connections. Many times when you interact with people, you are strategizing how to use them to your advantage. Your relationships become unhealthy because work takes center stage and family members are sidelined. You appease your troubled conscience by thinking, “I attend my child’s soccer game or ballet, don’t I?” But, in fact, you are intellectually and emotionally absent. You are there, but not really. 11 EXPRESS LANE PASSING LANE BIKE LANE PRIVATE LANE WALKING LANE TURNING LANE I speak from personal experience. Most of my life has been lived in the Passing Lane, accomplishing a great many things. I was the guy who sent the 3:00 AM emails and texts, showing little or no consideration for the repercussions. There is a danger to always being the on-the-go, highly productive, and on- demand. Staying permanently in the Passing Lane as you whiz by others is not conducive to a well-balanced life. Worse yet are the surface level attempts made to hide this aspect of your life. Go ahead and join me. Move out of the Passing Lane and into the others as quickly as you can! I do not regret this decision for a moment. Clear strategies for how to move into the other lanes are laid out in the chapters ahead. ACTIVATE YOUR SHIFT Take a moment to reflect on your habits while you’re in the Passing Lane. Here are a few questions to help you become more self-aware. Why do you think you spend the majority of your time in the Passing Lane? Do you derive a deeper level of importance by staying in this lane? Are you an imposter playing the part, but not really fulfilling your greatest potential? What moves will you make to quit pretending and be real? What is one habit you can implement to remain mindful while being in the Passing Lane? 12 EXPRESS LANE PASSING LANE BIKE LANE PRIVATE LANE WALKING LANE TURNING LANE 3 BIKE LANE Your ability to ascend will be a function of somebody’s judgment … and judgments are influenced by relationships. ~ Carla Harris Relationships matter. And they thrive in the Bike Lane. Many of you may be picturing the cyclists who speed down the road in the pelotons on weekends. This is not what I am referring to. In fact, cyclists are in the Passing Lane most of the time. The Bike Lane I refer to is the relational part of our business life, the social part, the lane where you slow down and connect. It is in some ways a mindset, the space that exists between the task-driven hyper focused work and the unplugged no-work connection of being with your family, spouse, or close friend. It is the lane that builds trust. Early in my real estate career I had a prospective client wanting to buy multiple properties. This was music to my young ears. This gentleman had recently emigrated from another country and wanted to invest in South Florida real estate. I jumped at the opportunity. Being a task-oriented person (Passing Lane), I brought comparables, possible available properties, and anything else I could gather to our first meeting at his home. When I arrived, what did he do? He fed me lunch. I didn’t want lunch. I wanted to do business. For fifty-five minutes over a delicious meal, we talked. He spoke about his children, his family, my family, and me. Obviously, he was moving in the Bike Lane and I was preoccupied with the Passing Lane. Then, five minutes before the end of lunch, he said, “Let me see the properties you have available for me to consider.” Two minutes later we had scheduled a time the following week to look at the properties together. 13 EXPRESS LANE PASSING LANE ❝ People need to believe in what you are doing (vision), believe you can do what you say you can do (competence), and do it in a timely and fair way (character). All three lanes are pivotal in developing trust. BIKE LANE PRIVATE LANE WALKING LANE TURNING LANE I returned the next week. Fifty-five minutes of lunch again, this time including his family. I wanted to talk about life in the evening, not at noon. I wanted to make deals at noon. At about 12:55 pm he said, “Let me see that paperwork.” Followed by, “Let’s buy that one.” We made the deal. I think we did over twenty deals. All those lunches allowed him to develop trust of character in me. I wanted to be judged by my competence; he wanted to judge me on character. Interestingly, besides securing all those closings, the lunches with his family brought about a friendship with one of his daughters. Elizabeth and I have now been married for 37 years! And why did my future father-in-law let me marry his daughter? Not because I was competent in real estate, but because I had character. Developing Trust Three types of trust exist in a business context. First, trust in your character. Second, trust in your competence. Third, trust in your vision. Each of the lanes is critical in understanding the three aspects of trust. The Bike Lane facilitates the establishment of trust in character. Trust in your vision is accomplished in the Express Lane. Trust in your competence occurs in the Passing Lane. People want to trust you in all three areas. An example of misuse occurs when doctors believe people are engaging them for their expertise (competence) alone and not for their bedside manner (character). Some doctors are reversing their attitudes to include both becausetheyrealize people want more than a competent doctor, they also want compassion (character). People need to believe in what you are doing (vision), believe you can do what you say you can do (competence), and do it in a timely and fair way (character). All three lanes are pivotal in developing trust. 14 EXPRESS LANE PASSING LANE BIKE LANE PRIVATE LANE WALKING LANE TURNING LANE Caution Ahead The Bike Lane is a great place to do business and develop relationships. Moving in the Bike Lane yields positive results as you accomplish work over lunch, coffee, or a sporting event. Developing deeper relationships may lead to additional work with a client, but beware of some negatives. You might overindulge social time and neglect work altogether, to your detriment. Some who always live in the Bike Lane cannot “close the deal.” They procrastinate, are late for appointments, disregard professionalism, or become undisciplined in their work strategy. The end result may be a loss of clients, income, and business opportunities. Make sure to spend sufficient time in the bike lane, but not all your time. Use this lane to its full advantage alongside the strengths gained in the other lanes as well. Relationships do matter. And they thrive in the Bike Lane. ACTIVATE YOUR SHIFT Take a moment to reflect on your habits while you’re in the Bike Lane. Here are a few questions to help you become more self-aware. What steps do you need to take to get yourself into the Bike Lane? What are some of the barriers that keep you from building trust with others? How are you ensuring your relationships are intentional and meaningful with the closest people in your life (family, friends, neighbors, colleagues, and clients)? 15 EXPRESS LANE PASSING LANE PRIVATE LANE BIKE LANE WALKING LANE TURNING LANE 4 PRIVATE LANE People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel. ~ Maya Angelou Life is not primarily about work. Your career must have an end-game to it, and it is not, as Mr. Rockefeller proposed, more work and more money. Developing friendships outside of work is vital, especially across generational lines. The richness of these relationships cannot be overemphasized. During high school a Lebanese family moved into my neighborhood from the island of Jamaica. One day they welcomed me into their home, and the lady of the house invited me to join her at the breakfast table. On the table was a cheese board, a circular piece of marble framed by wood with a Lucite dome cover. A cake and not cheese sat inside. She asked, “Bill, would you like a piece of cake?” It wasn’t fancy, just a Duncan Hines marble cake without icing or special decorations. She cut into it, offered a piece to me and her son, and all three of us sat around that little table and talked. That was 1975. Every time I went to their home, my new friend offered me a piece of her cake. I thought it was like that story in the Bible where the oil and flour never ran out, a cake always sat underneath the dome. Sometimes half a cake, sometimes a quarter, but the same cake, the marble cake, was always present. I fell in love with that marble cake. More importantly, I grew to love this lady. For forty years each time I visited her I heard these words: “Bill, may I offer you a piece of cake.” She was a fantastic chef who routinely turned out gourmet meals at a minute’s notice. But each grand feast always ended the same way when I was there. “Bill, Bill, come in here. I have a piece of cake for you.” And she would slice into it from under the dome on the cheese board. 16 EXPRESS LANE PASSING LANE PRIVATE LANE BIKE LANE We developed an incredible friendship, this lady from the Old World, a young man from the New. We had little in common except we both were Christ followers, and we loved this cake. Our friendship grew through my twenties, thirties, and forties, continued through the time I became the pastor of her church and through the months she nursed her husband through cancer. We visited after he died, prayed together, talked about the past. The lengthy illness had aged her, and now she only wore black dresses. But even then a cake sat poised under the dome, and she served me a slice. A few months before her 90th birthday, I noticed the cake dome was missing and asked, “What happened to the cheese board?” She said, “It broke!” We laughed, she sliced me a piece, and we ate cake together again. As age caught up to her, she apologized. “I’m sorry I can’t bake you the cake anymore.” I said, “It’s not about the cake.” We sat together and relished the best meal of all, the feast of a rich, meaningful friendship that had endured, that meant something, that was a priceless gift no amount of money could acquire. A Rich, Meaningful Life In the Private Lane you are not maneuvering to sell anything. Rather, you are taking time to listen, connect, be fully present. In this comfortable place, you engage in deep conversations and develop long-term relationships with family members and a few others. The purpose of work is to facilitate time in the Private Lane, to provide you with the resources necessary to pursue what is of vital importance in experiencing a rich, meaningful life. Shift into the Private Lane every chance you get. Friendships provide treasures we gain no other way. They keep you grounded when you’re feeling overwhelmed and overworked. Relationships are the source of incredible meaning and joy in our lives. Don’t pass them by. Make time for them as you make your way through the Private Lane. 17 WALKING LANE TURNING LANE ❝ Relationships are the source of incredible meaning and joy in our lives. EXPRESS LANE PASSING LANE PRIVATE LANE BIKE LANE WALKING LANE TURNING LANE Caution Ahead We all know people who are great at work, but have discarded their families. We even refer to these people as being “married” to their work. Don’t misunderstand me, our jobs and careers are important, but not at the expense of our families. Too much is at stake. We must allocate time to develop deep connections with family and lifelong friends with no hidden agenda in the picture. If your main priority is always your job or your career, you will have an impoverished soul on many levels. And there is no more devastating poverty than someone who has disregarded the wealth to be gained from time in the Private Lane. ACTIVATE YOUR SHIFT Take a moment to reflect on your habits while you’re in the Private Lane. Here are a few questions to help you become more self-aware. What new habits do you need to develop to facilitate life in the Private Lane? Outside of your immediate family, are there relationships in your life that are rich and meaningful? How can you deepen those connections even further? How open are you to genuinely share your thoughts and feelings with others? 18 EXPRESS LANE PASSING LANE BIKE LANE PRIVATE LANE WALKING LANE TURNING LANE 5 WALKING LANE Cease the daily striving and surrender some time to contemplate the intricacies of nature; the complexity of the cosmos allows us to hear the undeniable message that God exists and God is good. ~ Elizabeth Mitchell In slowing our steps we gain what we cannot afford to lose. This important lesson was reinforced many years ago when a ninety-three-yearold member of our church surprised me by saying, “I’d like to give a bracelet to the Church.” We had received a variety of gifts over the years: vacant lots, cars, coin collections, stocks, bonds, and of course, cash. But I don’t believe we had ever been given a bracelet. At first glance, the jewelry had nothing to recommend it. It appeared to be a plain metal bangle with initials inscribed on the inside rim. I was unimpressed by her gift since it looked no more valuable than those displayed in the costume jewelry stores in the mall. The bracelet held an interesting story, our member explained. When she and her husband were much younger (he had long been deceased) they would take boarders into their home, fledgling artists with little money or means. They would house the artists for a few months until they could acquire a studio of their own. As a thank you to the couple for the months of hospitality, many of the artists would gift them a box of chocolates or an arrangement of flowers. On one occasion, however, an artist wanted to do something more, design a bracelet in his new studio and mail it back as a gift. My petite friend asked how he would know her size. The artist placed his forefinger and thumb around her wrist, connected them, and assured her he now knew the exact measurement required. 19 EXPRESS LANE PASSING LANE BIKE LANE PRIVATE LANE WALKING LANE TURNING LANE A few weeks later the bracelet arrived. It was the perfect size, crafted from a nondescript metal, nothing fancy. On the inside of the bracelet was the imprint of the artist’s two fingers that he used to size the bracelet. His initials were inscribed as well, A.C. for Alexander Calder. Calder became one of the most prolific abstract artists in the United States in the mid-1900’s. He exercised his creativity to design sculptures and large mobiles to adorn public spaces throughout the country. The petite bracelet that our parishioner had donated was not a piece of worthless bling, but a signed original work of art. This piece had the fingerprints and signature of a renowned genius. What I thought was worthless, was sold at auction for over $800,000. Calder had formed a simple piece of metal into a masterpiece. Slow it Down The Walking Lane allows us to recharge, slow down, move away from other pressing pursuits, and celebrate people as valuable, worthwhile masterpieces. It is difficult to stay in the Walking Lane because we are wired for speed, for action, for accomplishment. We forget to slow our pace. We live with movement and believe we must keep going. Recharging is vital. Work is commendable. Action and accomplishments are crucial. But even God rested after his work. In the Old and New Testaments of the Bible, there is a command for a weekly recharge, a Sabbath. He said to repeat it every week. He didn’t say do it once in the summer. Actually, we should incorporate a bit of it into every day. So how do you recharge? I run a church and help people get connected with God, Christ, and their own faith walk. Since this is a book about business, I am not going to elaborate on that topic except to stress that I firmly believe you cannot have a strong, meaningful, sustained career and life without a relationship with your Maker. The best way to recharge is to develop this connection with your Creator and walk with him through your life. Patrick Lencioni, best-selling author and speaker to Fortune 500 companies, offers a sobering thought about this priority: “It is dangerous if our identity as a leader becomes more important than our identity as a child of God.” Think about it. I challenge you to pursue this important relationship and consider the implications of avoiding this portion of your life. 20 EXPRESS LANE PASSING LANE BIKE LANE PRIVATE LANE WALKING LANE TURNING LANE ❝ Recharge, Rest, and Reflect When you are always working without time for reflecting, you miss the bigger picture life affords. When you are always working without time for reflecting, you miss the bigger picture life affords. I encourage you to take a little time for this each day and for an extended period each week. You may disagree and assert that you don’t have the time for this. I would say, you don’t have enough time in your life not to do it! One of the primary benefits of recharging and resting allows for reflecting on your life and the importance of your relationships, vertically and horizontally. You have great value. People need you, your family needs you, your company needs you. Caution Ahead I encourage you to take the time necessary to rejuvenate your personal life, to protect yourself from burnout. A large portion of professionals crash and burn in the Express and Passing Lanes. A friend of mine was a crasher, as I call him. He would work day and night with no time off. He was in a sustained passing speed. He got a lot done in his life, but usually twice a year he would hit a wall, crash, and invariably end up in the hospital with total exhaustion. You know these types, too. They brag about how many days they have worked without a day off, or how many years they have gone without a vacation. They consider it is a badge of honor. In actuality, they are killing themselves. These people are like those who would cram for an exam on the last night of the semester. Cramming is not recharging and crashing is not resting. 21 EXPRESS LANE PASSING LANE BIKE LANE PRIVATE LANE WALKING LANE TURNING LANE I am convinced that each one of us is a masterpiece. We have the fingerprints of God on us and His name is imprinted in our lives. We are of great worth to Him, to ourselves, and to people around us. The Walking Lane allows us to understand the great worth that we and those we care about have. This is where we develop deep, abiding relationships with God (vertical) and our family and friends (horizontal). Go ahead. Don’t be a stranger to the Walking Lane. You will always be grateful when you choose to spend time here. Recharge, Rest, Reflect. You will never regret it. Trust me. ACTIVATE YOUR SHIFT Take a moment to reflect on your habits while you’re in the Walking Lane. Here are a few questions to help you become more self-aware. What steps do you need to take to get yourself in the Walking Lane? What are some of the most effective ways you recharge your life? How will you remain mindful to develop a deep, abiding relationship with God and your family and friends? 22 EXPRESS LANE PASSING LANE BIKE LANE PRIVATE LANE WALKING LANE TURNING LANE 6 TURNING LANE If we do not learn to forgive, we will discover that we can never really rebuild trust. ~ Billy Graham As much as we hate to admit it, we all make mistakes. I made a huge one on a trip a few years ago. I had traveled with a team to Jamaica to work with Food for the Poor, a Christian organization that works with the underserved in over a dozen Caribbean and Latin America countries. Just one of their many remarkable efforts includes constructing affordable, secure housing for single mothers and their children. In the afternoon we traveled to a village they were assessing for the viability of new construction. The living conditions were distressing, hovels and cardboard clad huts dotted the properties. Eventually, we ended up at Martha’s house. Whenever it rained, Martha’s belongings were soaked. The only dry spot was over her bed, where the entire family would huddle and wait out the torrential downpour. Rodents and bugs dwelt alongside her kids and her aging father. Three generations lived in a place not much bigger than a storage room. It held a kitchen of sorts, with barely functioning electricity. As we visited with Martha and listened to her story, I received a text from our maintenance engineer back home in Boca Raton. Something had inadvertently set off the fire alarm in our office building, and for some inexplicable reason, it triggered the building’s sprinkler system. The sprinklers had spewed out 600 gallons of water before they turned it off. The drenched office belonged to me and included my library. About 1,400 of my books were destroyed, many of them part of my lifetime collection. 23 EXPRESS LANE PASSING LANE BIKE LANE PRIVATE LANE I was furious. Someone had foolishly left a valve open when they were checking the system, creating all this unnecessary damage. I began fuming over the loss and abruptly made an excuse to leave. Without warning, and before we could climb into our van, it began to rain. We watched as the water fell through the holes in Martha’s inadequate roof. Then it hit me. I was more preoccupied and upset about my books than about Martha’s plight. I was embarrassed at my reaction, to say the least. The following day, we headed home, and I prepared to preach on Sunday. As I was sitting behind the stage nursing my self- pity, Martha came to mind. I had been treating my books better than I treated Martha. My lawn mower had a better house than Martha. This was wrong. I recognized that I could never solve the housing problem of the world, but I could do something for Martha and her family. I knew I could not address my congregation about living a Godly life when I was being selfish and self- centered. So, I got on my knees and asked God’s forgiveness for my insensitivity and ingratitude. Immediately I recognized that He was prompting me to do a difficult thing, to build Martha a house. I stood before the congregation, and delivered my sermon. At the end, I apologized to them using similar words that I also suggest you use: “I was wrong. I am sorry. Will you forgive me?” I shared what I believed God had told me and asked if they wanted to help in any way to let me know by handing me their commitment at the end of the service. Dozens responded. By the bookkeeper’s tally, it was enough to build two houses. I was ecstatic at our congregation’s heartfelt generosity. 24 WALKING LANE ❝ TURNING LANE I was wrong. I am sorry. Will you forgive me? EXPRESS LANE PASSING LANE BIKE LANE PRIVATE LANE WALKING LANE TURNING LANE But God promptly nudged me. He had told me, not the congregation, to build a house for Martha. I had allowed the congregation to atone for my wrongdoing. I needed to build Martha a house. We built three homes. One for Martha and her children, one for her sister and her family, and one for her father. Three small homes on one piece of property. I went back a few months later and witnessed Food For The Poor personnel hand Martha and the others the keys to their new homes. What an incredible celebration. Along with recognizing my mistake and asking for forgiveness, the lives of three entire families were dramatically changed. My life has never been the same either. Admit, Act, and Ask Once you realize that you have made a mistake, what is your response? Do you hide it, cover it up, or excuse yourself altogether. “I’m having a bad day...He’s to blame...It’s just my nature.” Let’s suppose you were angry and yelled at someone. How should you respond afterward? Own it. It’s yours. Make the necessary course correction. Admit you were wrong. Act in humility. Ask for forgiveness. The following ten words are essential. “I was wrong. I am sorry. Will you forgive me?” Admit culpability for what you have done wrong. Don’t place the blame on something or someone else. The beautiful thing is people will usually forgive you. Naturally, if the mistake was enormous, consequences will follow. I get that. But most of the problems we deal with are not catastrophic if handled promptly. Humility is a key ingredient in this process. Remind people that you know you are not perfect and you will change. Recognizing this is part of developing into a mature adult. 25 EXPRESS LANE PASSING LANE BIKE LANE PRIVATE LANE WALKING LANE TURNING LANE Caution Ahead Relationships break down because of the small sandspur in your shoe, not the unscalable mountain in view. To use an old-fashioned statement, repent of your wrongdoing and make it right. Authentic apologies coupled with asking for forgiveness help rebuild trust. Certainly, asking for forgiveness is easier when the other party is willing, but give them the space they need. Regaining trust simply takes time. You will never know the joys that will result unless you make your way into the Turning Lane. I cannot emphasize it enough. When you mess up, and we all do, get into that Turning Lane as quickly as you can and make it right. Shifting into this lane will entirely transform how you make your way through all the rest. ACTIVATE YOUR SHIFT Take a moment to reflect on your habits while you’re in the Turning Lane. Here are a few questions to help you become more self-aware. Why do you find it difficult or easy to admit when you are wrong and in need of forgiveness? Humility and forgiveness go hand in hand. What practical steps can you take to blend both qualities into your life? What difference would it make if you choose not to pivot, but instead own up to your mistakes and seek forgiveness promptly? 26 EXPRESS LANE PASSING LANE BIKE LANE PRIVATE LANE WALKING LANE TURNING LANE 7 CONCLUSION The problem in my life and other people’s lives is not the absence of knowing what to do, but the absence of doing it. ~ Peter F. Drucker Shifting begins with being mindful of your attitude toward increasing self-awareness. You can find out rather quickly which life lane you spend most, if not all, of your time and energy in by taking a moment to reflect on how you do what you enjoy most each day. With a heavy dose of determination, you can master the art of Shifting. All it takes is becoming more intentional about your self-awareness. No matter how fast or slow paced your life may be, you need to become adaptable. Staying in one of the six life lanes I identified most of the time is detrimental to you and those around you, especially those you love, care for and serve. Consider the people who are being affected by your decision to stay in your lane. Begin with yourself and each of your family members. Move on to how your actions are impacting your teammates, clients, and the neighbors and strangers who come into your life. This is a sobering exercise, so don’t rush through it. Embrace daily opportunities to realign your mindset. I trust the prompts at the end of each chapter are instrumental for you to move within each of the lanes of life. 27 EXPRESS LANE PASSING LANE BIKE LANE PRIVATE LANE Many benefits come from Shifting and each are well within your reach. By resolving to lead yourself with increased self-awareness, you’ll be able to: • Make time for big picture thinking, using your talents, gifts and calling to their maximum potential. • Display your strong work ethic as you move in your purpose. Don’t just say what you will do, do it. • Create an atmosphere of trust in your vision, competence and character. • Become a better leader when you are fully present with others, realizing that relationships matter. • Value self care by unplugging for a day to reflect and recharge for the week ahead. • Adapt to making quick pivots by being authentic with your words, especially when you mess up. So, I encourage you to become a willing learner and an avid reader or listener of audiobooks. Much of the inspiration for this ebook comes from my interaction with the great work of Jeremie Kubicek and Steve Cockram in 5 Gears: How to Be Present and Productive When There is Never Enough Time (Wiley Press, 2015). This is a beneficial read. Another book worth reading about our buy-it-now, get-it-today culture is Door to Door: The Magnificent, Maddening, Mysterious World of Transportation by Edward Humes (HarperCollins Publishers, 2016). Here you’ll find the interesting story I reference in chapter one (Express Lane) on how long coffee travels. As you make Shifting a part of how you move throughout your daily life, I welcome your feedback on the actions you put into practice. Please take a moment to share your thoughts with me. ~ Bill Mitchell 28 WALKING LANE TURNING LANE ❝ With a heavy dose of determination, you can master the art of Shifting. All it takes is becoming more intentional about your self-awareness. ABOUT BILL Bill Mitchell serves as Senior Pastor at Boca Raton Community Church, following a previous career in commercial and residential real estate for 25 years. In his travels to over 85 countries, he developed a keen interest in and passion for the peoples and cultures of the world and strategically mentors leaders of non-profit agencies through the initiative of WorldLead. He also facilitates BocaLead, a monthly lunch focused on developing strong, ethical business practices. With its dynamic expansion to Ft. Lauderdale and Miami, Bill challenges over 800 professional men and women across South Florida to transform their communities through the workplace. Bill is an avid cyclist, who adores his five children and three grandchildren, and recently celebrated 37 years of marriage to his wife Elizabeth. [email protected] www.shiftingbook.com 29 ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS Special thanks to my wife Elizabeth who has encouraged me to put into writing the things I have taught and believed. Not an easy task. She is an author, speaker, and blogger at journeyfortheheart.com Also special thanks to Joel Ceballo, my editor and writing coach, Kim Gordon and Cameron Free, my creative team, and Becky Harford, my personal assistant for over 15 years. 30
