Case Examples of Music Therapy in Bereavement Compiled by Kenneth E. Bruscia Case Examples of Music Therapy in Bereavement Copyright © 2012 by Barcelona Publishers All rights reserved. No part of this e-book may be reproduced and/or distributed in any form whatsoever. E-ISBN: 978-1-937440-26-8 Distributed throughout the world by: Barcelona Publishers 4 White Brook Road Gilsum NH 03448 Tel: 603-357-0236 Fax: 603-357-2073 Website: www.barcelonapublishers.com SAN 298-6299 Cover illustration and design: © 2012 Frank McShane Table of Contents CASE ONE Bringing Light into Darkness: Guided Imagery and Music, Bereavement, Loss and Working through Trauma Leslie Bunt CASE TWO Music Therapy in Working through a Preschooler’s Grief: Expressing Rage and Confusion Kerry Burke CASE THREE Our Path to Peace: Songwriting-Based Brief Music Therapy with Bereaved Adolescents Robert E. Krout CASE FOUR Where Have All Our Flowers Gone? Music Therapy with a Bereaved Mother and Widow: A Case Analysis Chava Sekeles CASE FIVE Bobby Laments His Grandfather: A Case Analysis Chava Sekeles CASE SIX Mother, the White Dove: A Case Analysis Chava Sekeles CASE SEVEN The Grief of the Therapist over Patients Who Passed Away Chava Sekeles CASE EIGHT Feelings of Doubt, Hope, and Faith Henk Smeijster Introduction Kenneth E. Bruscia Case examples provide very unique and valuable insights into how different forms of therapy are practiced, as well as how clients respond to those therapies. This ebook describes various ways that music therapy has been used to help individuals experiencing loss and grief. It has been compiled not only to provide practical information to students and professionals in music therapy and related fields, but also to inform all those affected by grief and loss about the potential benefits of music therapy. About Music Therapy (Based on Bruscia, 1993) Definition and Applications In music therapy, the therapist and client use music and all of its facets—physical, emotional, mental, social, aesthetic, and spiritual—to help the client improve or maintain his or her health. In some instances, the client’s needs are addressed directly through music and its intrinsic therapeutic properties; in others, they are addressed through the relationships that develop between the music, client, therapist, and other participants. Music therapy is used with individuals of all ages and with a variety of conditions, including psychiatric disorders, medical problems, physical handicaps, sensory impairments, developmental disabilities, substance abuse, communication disorders, interpersonal problems, and aging. It is also used for self-development purposes, such as improving learning, building self-esteem, reducing stress, supporting physical exercise, and facilitating a host of other health-related activities. Given its wide applications, music therapists may be found in general hospitals, psychiatric facilities, schools, prisons, community centers, training institutes, private practices, and universities. Basic Premises The thing that makes music therapy different from every other form of therapy is its reliance on music as the primary medium for promoting the client’s health. Every session involves the client in a music experience of some kind. The main ones are listening to, re-creating, improvising, and composing music. These will be described in more detail in the next few paragraphs; however, it is important to explain immediately that clients do not have to be musicians to participate in or benefit from music therapy. In fact, because most clients have not had previous musical training, the music activities and experiences used in therapy sessions are always designed to take advantage of the innate tendencies of all human beings to make and appreciate music at their own developmental levels. Of course, in clinical situations, music therapists may encounter clients who have physical or mental impairments that interfere with one or more of these basic musical potentials. Therefore, care is always taken to adapt music therapy experiences to the unique musical capabilities and preferences of each client. Music therapists also screen clients who may have adverse psychological or psychophysiological reactions to participation in music. Four Basic Music Experiences Used in Therapy To understand how music therapy works, it is necessary to examine the unique nature of each of the four types of music experience—listening to, recreating, improvising, and composing. In those therapy sessions that involve listening, the client takes in and reacts to live or recorded music in the style preferred by the client. The client may respond through activities such as relaxation or meditation, structured or free movement, perceptual tasks, free-association, story-telling, imaging, reminiscing, drawing, and so forth. Music listening experiences are used with clients who need to be activated, soothed, or further developed—either physically, emotionally, intellectually, and/or spiritually—as these are the kinds of responses that music listening elicits. In those therapy sessions that involve re-creating music, the client sings or plays pre-composed music. This may include learning how to produce sounds, imitating musical phrases, learning how to sing, learning to read notation, participating in group sing-along’s, performing a song or piece, participating in a musical show or drama, and so forth. Re-creative experiences are most appropriate for clients who need to develop sensorimotor skills, learn adaptive behaviors, maintain reality orientation, master different role behaviors, identify with the feelings and ideas of others, work with others cooperatively, or merely share in the joy of making music—as these are the main aspects of singing or playing pre-composed music that have therapeutic implications. In those therapy sessions that involve improvising, the client makes up his or her own music extemporaneously, singing or playing whatever arises in the moment. The client may improvise freely and spontaneously or according to the musical or verbal guidance of the therapist. Sometimes the client is asked to improvise sound portraits of feelings, events, persons, or situations that are being explored in therapy. The client may improvise with the therapist, with other clients in a group, or alone, depending on the therapeutic objective. Improvising music is most appropriate for clients who need to develop spontaneity, creativity, freedom of expression, self-awareness, communication, and interpersonal skills—as these are the basic components of improvising. In those sessions that involve composing, the therapist helps the client to write songs, lyrics, or instrumental pieces, or to create any kind of musical product, such as music videos or audiotape programs. Usually the therapist simplifies the process by engaging the client in aspects of the task within their capability (e.g., generating a melody, or writing the lyrics of a song) and by taking responsibility for more technical aspects (e.g., harmonization, notation). Activities involving composing music are used with clients who need to learn how to make decisions and commitments, or find ways of working in an organized way toward a goal. Most often, clients create compositions (especially songs) around significant events, people, or relationships in their lives, or to express thoughts and feelings that they are exploring in therapy. In addition to strictly music experiences, music therapists often engage clients in verbal discussions. Clients may be encouraged to talk about the music, their reactions to it, or any thoughts, images, or feelings that were evoked during the experience. Clients may also be encouraged to express themselves through the other arts, such as drawing, painting, dance, drama, or poetry. Music therapy sessions for children often include various games or play activities which involve music. The case examples that follow highlight the goals of music therapy for individuals experiencing loss and grief, and the different kinds of music experiences used to address these goals. Thus, a key to reading these cases is to pay close attention to how each type of music experience affords clients many different opportunities to not only confront their problems within the music, but also to explore healthier ways of dealing with or resolving them. This leads to the next important topic—the ways that case examples can be read or studied for greatest insight. About Case Examples For purposes of the present discussion, case examples can be divided into two main types: clinical cases, and research cases. A clinical case is a professional report written by the therapist, client, or observer to describe what transpired during and upon completion of the music therapy process with an individual client or group. The report is usually based on recordings of the session or notes and logs kept by the therapist and/or client. Efforts are made to present an accurate and unbiased account of the therapy process to the extent possible, and theories are often used to substantiate or contextualize the therapeutic approach. Objective data may or may not be provided to verify or document the report. In contrast, a research case is a data-based report, provided by the therapist or researcher, to document or verify the specific therapeutic effects of a particular music therapy protocol on an individual client or group. As such, a research case operationally defines and measures how the independent variables (e.g., treatment methods used by the therapist) act upon the dependent variables (e.g., targeted treatment outcomes for the client), when all other relevant variables and conditions are controlled. Perhaps the best way to derive the most benefits from a clinical or research case is to read it from a particular perspective, and to interrogate the case or group of cases from that perspective. Essentially, the reader adopts a particular lens or viewpoint to study the case(s), and then asks questions that arise as a result. Three of the most helpful reading perspectives are: scientific, personal, and clinical perspectives, each of which poses very different questions for the reader to ponder. Reading from a Scientific Perspective Scientists usually look for answers to two basic questions when reading a case. First, is the case credible? That is, how accurate were the perceptions and interpretations of the writer, and how trustworthy are the findings and conclusions presented? Of course, this is not a question that only scientists pose. One’s natural propensity as a reader is to question the truth value of what is read. Certainly, if the reader is involved in some way with an individual experiencing loss and grief, the truth value of the case is of vital interest. That leads to the second scientific question: Can the information learned in this case be applied to other cases? Or even more rigorously, can the findings of this case be generalized to similar or matched cases? Here too, readers who are directly affected by loss and grief are as interested in this question as scientists and researchers. Their interest is in whether grieving individuals in their own lives can derive the same benefits of music therapy as the client in this case did. Scientists or researchers can also glean other very important information from case studies. Because clinical cases provide rich descriptions of the therapy process, they usually provide myriad ideas for what needs to be studied scientifically. By describing what seemed to work and or not work for a particular client, a clinical case reveals to the researcher which clinical protocols and therapeutic outcomes warrant further research, while also suggesting specific hypotheses that might be tested. Moreover, because events unfold naturally in a clinical case as they do in real life, and because variables cannot be controlled as in laboratory research, the clinical case gives very important information on what specific variables must be considered when doing research, not only the most likely independent and dependent variables that are likely to be related, but also what extraneous variables need to be controlled. Of course, a research case can provide the same insights, to some degree, as a clinical case; they too offer valuable information on potential independent, dependent, and extraneous variables to consider. The greatest advantage of the research case is not only that it provides objective evidence of what works or doesn’t work in therapy, but also because it can reveal the “effect size” of the therapeutic change. That is, a singlecase research study can show how big an effect the independent variable had on the dependent variable, or the extent to which the treatment protocol was effective in inducing therapeutic change in the client. Though this effect and its size cannot be generalized, careful replication of research cases and meta-analysis can begin to build a case for the establishment of clinical cause-effect relationships. Reading from a Personal Perspective By their very nature, case examples invite the reader to identify with one or more characters involved in the case, and then move from identifying with one character to identifying with another. The characters may include the client, the therapist, other clients, loved ones, and so forth. Identifying with people involved in the case not only helps the reader to understand first-hand what each character is experiencing, but also gives the reader an opportunity to compare how the character reacted with how the reader would react. Here are some examples: 1) Identifying with the client: What must the client be thinking or feeling about the therapist, music, other clients, or loved one? If I were the client, would I think or feel the same? What does this client need and want from those involved in the therapy process, and would I need or want the same? These same questions can be posed for every client involved in the case. 2) Identifying with the therapist: What must the therapist be thinking or feeling about the client, the music, the other clients, or the client’s loved one? Would I think or feel the same? What kind of person would I be if I were working with this client? What is the therapist trying to do, and would I try to do the same? 3) Identifying with loved ones: What must the loved one be thinking or feeling about the client, the therapist, the music, and other clients? If I were a loved one, would I think or feel the same? What does this person need or want, and would I need or want the same? Does this person believe that music therapy will help, and would I? How does the loved one feel about the therapist, and how he or she is relating to the client? Does the therapist know what he or she is doing? The fascinating thing about taking an empathic position is that once one successfully steps into one character’s shoes, and becomes sensitive to who he or she is, an endless number of additional empathic positions arise, and one’s entire personal reaction to the case becomes enlivened. Reading from a Clinical Perspective A clinical perspective is concerned primarily with methodological questions that are most often posed by other clinicians. Clinicians want to know what does and does not work when working with a client in music therapy. Practically speaking then, they are most interested in the following kinds of questions: 1) Based on this case, what should I be looking for in clients? What client needs and resources do I have to address more in my own work? How can I assess these facets of the client in music therapy? 2) Based on this case, what kind of therapist-client relationship is best for this kind of client, and what is the best way of forming such a relationship? 3) What is the role of music in working with this clientele? What types of music experiences are most therapeutically relevant and effective? What styles of music are most appropriate? 4) Based on this case, what are the best ways of responding to the client when he or she is acting out, abreacting, resisting, or not progressing? 5) Based on this case, what clinical criteria should be used in evaluating the client’s therapeutic progress? Other Writings on Bereavement The case examples in this e-book were taken exclusively from various books published by Barcelona Publishers. Thus, these cases, though typical, may not comprise a representative sample of all clinical practices in music therapy for individuals experiencing loss and grief. Additional case examples have been written, which further elaborate how individuals experiencing loss and grief can derive therapeutic benefits from music. Here is a list of selected writings on the topic. Bailey, Valerie. (2009). Using techniques of music therapy: Lyric and journal writing as a form of expression for adolescents during grief: A comprehensive literature review. Dissertation Abstracts International: Section B: The Sciences and Engineering, 70(5-B), 3160. Brooks, M., & O'Rourke, A. (1985). Grief and music therapy. A study into the application of music therapy with the dying and bereaved. Annual Journal of the New Zealand Society for Music Therapy, 7(2), 16-24. Choi, Y. K. (2010). The effect of music and progressive muscle relaxation on anxiety, fatigue, and quality of life in family caregivers of hospice patients Journal of Music Therapy, 47(1), 53-69. Cortes, A. (2006). Occupational stressors among music therapists working in palliative care. Canadian Journal of Music Therapy, 12(1), 30-60. Cox, Gerry R. (2010). Using music and poetry to manage grief. Illness, Crisis, & Loss, 18, 355-371. Dalton, T. A., & Krout, R. E. (2006). The grief song-writing process with bereaved adolescents: An integrated grief model and music therapy protocol. Music Therapy Perspectives, 24(2), 94–107. Hilliard, Russell E. (2001). The effects of music therapy-based bereavement groups on mood and behavior of grieving children: A pilot study. Journal of Music Therapy, 38(4), 291-306. Hilliard, R. E. (2006). The effect of music therapy sessions on compassion fatigue and team building of professional hospice caregivers. The Arts in Psychotherapy, 33(5), 395-401 Lindenfelser, Kathryn J, Grocke, Denise & McFerran, Katrina. (2008). Bereaved parents' experiences of music therapy with their terminally ill child. Journal of Music Therapy, 45(3), 330-348. Krout, R. (2002). The use of therapist-composed songs to facilitate multi-modal grief processing and expression with bereaved children in group music therapy. Annual Journal of the New Zealand Society for Music Therapy, 21-35. Krout, R. E. (2005). Applications of music therapist-composed songs creating participant connections and facilitating goals and rituals during one-time bereavement support groups and programs. Music Therapy Perspectives, 23(2), 118-128. Krout, R. E. (2006). Following the death of a child: Music therapy helping to heal the family heart. New Zealand Journal of Music Therapy, 4, 6-22. Lorenzato, K. (1999). Grief: Experiencing the death of a favorite patient. Music Therapy Perspectives, 17(2), 102-103. Magill, L. (2007). The spiritual meaning of music therapy after the death of a loved one: A qualitative study of surviving caregivers. Dissertation Abstracts International Section A, 68(1),22-23. Magill, L. (2009). Caregiver empowerment and music therapy: Through the eyes of bereaved caregivers of advanced cancer patients. Journal of Palliative Care, 25(1), 68-75. Magill, L. (2009). The meaning of the music: The role of music in palliative care music therapy as perceived by bereaved caregivers of advanced cancer patients. American Journal of Hospice & Palliative Medicine, 26(1), 33-39. Magill, L. (2009). The spiritual meaning of pre-loss music therapy to bereaved caregivers of advanced cancer patients. Palliative & Supportive Care, 7(1), 97-108. Magill, L. (2011). Bereaved family caregivers' reflections on the role of the music therapist. Music and Medicine, 3, 56-63. Mandel, S. E. (1993). The role of the music therapist on the hospice/palliative care team. Journal of Palliative Care, 9(4), 37-39. Mayhew, J. (2005). A creative response to loss: Developing a music therapy group for bereaved siblings. In M. Pavlicevic (Ed.), Music therapy in children's hospices: Jessie's fund in action (pp. 62-80). London, UK: Jessica Kingsley Publishers. McFerran-Skewes, Katrina. (2000). From the mouths of babes: The response of six younger, bereaved teenagers to the experience of psychodynamic group music therapy. Australian Journal of Music Therapy, 11, 3-22. McFerran, Katrina, Roberts, Melina & O'Grady, Lucy. (2010). Music therapy with bereaved teenagers: A mixed methods perspective. Death Studies, 34, 541-565. O'Kelly, J. (2008). Saying it in song: music therapy as a carer support intervention. International Journal Of Palliative Nursing, 14(6), 281-286. Popkin, K., Levin, T., Lichtenthal, W., G, Redl, N., Rothstein, H., Siegel, D., et al. (2011). A pilot music therapy-centered grief intervention for nurses and ancillary staff working in cancer settings. Music and Medicine, 3, 40-46. Register, D., & Hilliard, R. E. (2008). Using Orff-based techniques in children’s bereavement groups: A cognitive-behavioral music therapy approach. The Arts in Psychotherapy, 35(2), 162-170. Schwantes, M., Wigram, T., McKinney, C., Lipscomb, A., & Richards, C. (2011). The Mexican corrido and its use in a music therapy bereavement group. Australian Journal of Music Therapy, 22, 2-20. Smeijsters, H., & van den Hurk, J. (1999). Music therapy helping to work through grief and finding a personal identity. Journal of Music Therapy, 36(3), 222-252. Stewart, K., Silberman, J., Loewy, J., Schneider, S., Scheiby, B., Bobo, A., et al. (2005). The role of music therapy in care for the caregivers of the terminally ill. In C. Dileo, & J. Loewy (Eds.), Music therapy at the end of life (pp. 239-250). Cherry Hill, NJ: Jeffrey Books. Tyas, R. (2010). A death in the family. The British Journal of Music Therapy, 24(1), 22-29. Tyson, Edgar H. (2012). Hip-hop healing: Rap music in grief therapy with an African American adolescent male. Hadley, Susan [Ed], Yancy, George [Ed]. Therapeutic uses of rap and hip-hop. New York, NY, US: Routledge/Taylor & Francis Group, US; pp. 293-305. Wexler, M. (1989). The use of song in grief therapy with Cibecue White Mountain Apaches. Music Therapy Perspectives, 7, 63-66. Wlodarczyk, Natalie Marie. (2012). The effect of a single-session music therapy group intervention for grief resolution on the disenfranchised grief of hospice workers. Dissertation Abstracts International Section A: Humanities and Social Sciences, 72(9-A), 3051. References for Introduction Bruscia, K. (1993). Music Therapy Brief. Retrieved from temple.edu/musictherapy/FAQ. Case Examples of Music Therapy in Bereavement Taken from: Meadows, A. (Ed.) (2011). Developments in Music Therapy Practice: Case Study Perspectives. Gilsum NH: Barcelona Publishers. CASE ONE Bringing Light into Darkness: Guided Imagery and Music, Bereavement, Loss and Working through Trauma Leslie Bunt Introduction This is the story of a courageous woman who used a series of 17 Guided Imagery and Music (GIM) sessions to bring light and healing into very dark and troubled places. Fiona was originally referred for bereavement support following the loss of her partner, but as the case narrative unfolds it will become apparent that working through this specific loss triggered exploration of earlier losses and traumas resulting from periods of childhood abuse. GIM can provide a safe setting for containing the expression of some of the complex feelings associated with the grieving process, including sadness, isolation, guilt and anger, and can also assist a client to strengthen the inner resources required to allow other deeply buried losses to be recalled and moved into the light of consciousness. Given sufficient ego strength (as was the case with Fiona) it is then possible for further mourning of these earlier losses to be reconstructed and worked through in the present moment. Reflecting on Fiona’s entire journey benefited from insights gained during discussions with my supervisor, a Jungian analyst. The chapter continues with some background to GIM and concepts central to the approach adopted, before introducing Fiona and the main stages and themes of the unfolding therapeutic process. Words taken from session transcripts are in italics. Foundational Concepts The GIM method adopted in this context is the one pioneered by Helen Bonny (2002) and defined by the Association of Music and Imagery (AMI) as “A music-centered exploration of consciousness that uses specifically sequenced classical music programs to stimulate and sustain a dynamic unfolding of inner experiences” (AMI, n.d.). The individual hour and a half to two hour session is divided into four interlinked phases: 1) Prelude: generally verbal in nature, although drawing and other non-verbal media may be used. 2) Relaxation induction: assisting the client to enter an altered state of consciousness (ASC) and moving to the point when the therapist provides an opening focus for the client’s imagery ‘journey.’ 3) Music listening: in which the client shares with the therapist the various feelings, body sensations, insights, memories, connections with the music, images, colors etc. that arise while the therapist supports with a range of verbal and non-verbal interventions aimed at holding, containing and deepening the client’s inner experiences and process. 4) Postlude: the therapist assists the client to return to the ‘here and now’ and to make further verbal connections between imagery and issues. Other nonverbal media may also be used. (For more detailed elaborations of each phase see Abrams & Kasayaka, 2005; Bonny, 2002; Clark, 1991; Goldberg, 1995) GIM provides a supportive and safe containing therapeutic space for the facilitating and gradual uncovering of the bereavement process (see, for example, Creagh, 2005). Listening to music in a very relaxed state with the witnessing support of the therapist provides opportunities for clients to find, at their own pace, the internal resources and strength needed to work through the shifting emotions associated with grieving. As shall be seen in Fiona’s story, time is also needed for sufficient trust to occur with both the music and the therapist before there are sufficient inner resources to enable the specific loss to be addressed (for further exploration of the complex relationships transferred between music, images and therapist see Bruscia, 2002). Sometimes the music listening evokes the additional presence of inner helpers to support this unfolding process. We shall see in Fiona’s story the importance of such figures as guardian angels. Support from these kinds of helpers has been reported by other therapists using GIM in grief work (Smith, 1997). The choice of music is also crucial in this early unfolding stage. Music of a highly supportive, predictable, and nurturing quality was used in the early sessions as Fiona began to connect with the feelings associated with the presenting loss. But, as uncovered in these early sessions, the loss of her partner was the trigger for the gradual unraveling of a more obscured loss, that of her own childhood innocence due to a sustained history of abuse by family members. Once she had gained sufficient strength to work through some aspects of her bereavement process, she was able to bring memories of this darker material into the light of the present moment in order to reexperience these earlier losses and traumas. In this phase of the work stronger, more challenging music was used to hold and contain these complex and difficult memories and emotions. In reviewing the case material retrospectively with my supervisor, it became clear that the gradual unfolding and expression of this traumatic material echoed the three-stage ‘recovery’ process elaborated by Herman (1992). Having established ‘safety’ and trust in the ‘first stage’ of the work, opportunities for the ‘second stage’ of ‘remembrance and mourning’ of the earlier losses arose before leading to a ‘third stage’ of ‘re-connection to ordinary life’ and the making of future plans (Herman, 1992 p.155). Ventre (1994/1995) used Herman’s stages to frame a ‘two-year GIM process’ that aided a 32-year-old woman to heal the ‘wounds’ from childhood periods of traumatic abuse. Later Moffitt co-published, including drawings, a journal ‘reflections and poetry choices’ from her client, a study that incorporated aspects of Herman’s stages into the recovery process from the long-lasting effects of sexual abuse from family members (Moffitt & Hall, 2004). These studies contribute to a developing literature of using GIM to address the complex issues of loss and trauma. How GIM can begin to help the abused client to acknowledge deeply buried feelings of anger, fear, sadness and resentment was discussed by Borling (1992). Also see Pickett, 1995, for a further case study example of the use of GIM to aid recovery from trauma. The gradual accumulation of fear and anger associated with periods of abuse can lead to physical tensions kept locked within the body and the manifestation of a primitive ‘freezing’ response (Rothschild, 2000). This can be viewed as a means of defense, as can any resulting state of desperate ‘helplessness’ (Levine, 1997). There are examples of such freezing in the early parts of Fiona’s narrative. There are also later moments when these deeply rooted and locked-in memories were given physical expression and release. A review of Fiona’s GIM journey provides examples of rich symbolic content existing in the liminal spaces between conscious and unconscious realms, between lightness and darkness. Romanyshyn (2007, p. 27) echoes this when, referring to Jung, he notes that one of the functions of a symbol is to exist in this space between what remains hidden deep within the psyche and what is brought into the ‘light’ of conscious awareness. Symbols such as swans accompany Fiona at various stages throughout her journey. Other archetypal figures also occur, for example the appearance of a wise old woman, as does the exploration of younger parts of Fiona’s self. A Jungian framework was used by Tasney (1993) in a GIM case study that investigated archetypes including the hero and shadow. Bringing light to illuminate the darker and more shadowy aspects of Fiona’s psyche also relates to the Jungian emphasis on the union of opposites, active use of the imagination, and living through the experiencing of the images (Meadows, 2002; Ward, 2002). The Client Fiona was in her early fifties at the time of the referral. She had lost her partner Robert recently from cancer. She was referred to GIM to support the bereavement process but, as mentioned above and can be read in this following narrative, the loss of Robert connected to earlier experiences of death and other traumas. Fiona’s father was dead but her mother was still alive, although during the course of the sessions she was becoming increasingly unwell. Fiona worked as a volunteer career. She was interested in art, meditation, and loved nature. Although she talked of spending time with her friends, she was rather a shy and anxious person who lacked confidence. The Opening Assessment Phase (‘Taster’ and Sessions 1-3) The opening sessions of a course of therapy regularly introduce themes that permeate the entire therapeutic process. Working through the loss of her partner occupied some of this process for Fiona. But exploring this particular loss became part of a gradual unfolding of traumatic memories of child abuse with Fiona reporting that she had moments of not speaking during her childhood. Since the environment provided by her own parents was not safe she would often look for alternative mothering from her mother’s sister. This pattern of seeking out different secure attachment figures has been observed in people suffering from early trauma (Körlin & Wrangsjö, 2004). Although Fiona presented with some of the features of ‘Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder’ (Herman, 1992, pp. 119-122), such as feeling guilty, she had a strong sense of self with extant coping mechanisms and defenses. This strong enough ego enabled Fiona to withstand explorations of these early memories (see Rothschild, 2000 for further psychobiological discussion of trauma and Korlin, 2002 for neuropsychological perspectives related to GIM). Bringing light to illuminate a pathway was there from the start as the focus to the short introductory ‘taster’ session. Fiona felt supported during the opening two pieces of Bruscia’s Pastorale1 program: Debussy’s Prelude à l’après- midi d’un faune and Liadov’s The Enchanted Lake (see the Appendix A for an outline of each session). She was walking by a river with her well-trusted dog and saw two swans – so white, pure and untouched. She wished (not without some sadness) to be as strong, free, fearless, proud, and confident as these beautiful creatures. The complex symbol of a swan points to ‘the complete satisfaction of a desire’ with a ‘swan-song’ also holding connections with death (Cirlot, 1971 p. 322). There was much beauty in this introductory session, beauty that she could smell and touch as she moved with the swans and her dog into a sunlit garden. Suddenly scared by someone jumping out, she felt protected by her dog and the swans who told her no one will come out and hurt you. She felt stronger, finding it hard to leave the garden. During the next three sessions she began to trust more and to bring the light to move further away from safe pathways into denser and darker woods, a symbolic gradual unfolding of hidden subconscious material. The smell of Lily of the Valley reminded her of a favorite perfume on her bedroom table when a young child. She had been sent to bed for something she had not done. Too frightened to go downstairs to the bathroom she eventually was calmed to sleep at a synchronous moment with the music, being cradled and rocked during the Shepherds’ Cradle Song from Bach’s Christmas Oratorio (from the program Caring). Younger and older parts of Fiona began to emerge. At the start of the second full session she recalled being frozen with fear on encountering some steers on a recent walk and the instant connections with suffocating childhood fears. Adult Fiona asked to find ways of taking care of her younger self and began to take young Fiona by the hand into the GIM journeys. During session three an older woman, who could connect to the Jungian archetype of the wise woman, showed Fiona a beautiful, warm, and sunlit house and garden. Older Fiona revealed this house (too grand for me) to younger Fiona. This is what it should have been like and was taken from her. She was entitled to this. The older Fiona became angry (another reaction to the freezing response; Levine, 1997) before this turned to pain and sadness….She’s been in the dark for so long, she has the light now, she’s so lovely, such a good person, her body’s getting old. At this integration of younger and older parts of self, Fiona seemed strong enough for the appearance of the first significant image of her dead partner. It was as if up to this point she had been gathering her personal resources, preparing the safe ground herself. Robert appeared during another musically synchronous moment, during the opening bars of Duruflé’s In Paradisum from his Requiem, a piece not known to Fiona. Robert floated past wearing a long gown, appearing like a merman or fish and smiled as if to say ‘Hello.’ Fiona felt he had moved on and she was happy about this. The Therapeutic Process The Loss of Robert (Session 4) The first anniversary of Robert’s death occurred near the time of the fourth session. Fiona was terrified to think of Robert’s bones rotting in his dark grave. She asked for the focus for the session to be at his graveside and that the music (the program Grieving) could help her to look into the grave, again using light to look into a dark place. The image of a broken skull connected with one of a broken doll in the cellar at her childhood home. She wanted to put the bones in the right order and the image kept shifting between Robert’s body and her doll. She went into the nearby church to light a candle. She felt calmer. Everything was o.k; the bones were all clean, white, pure and untouched (as were the earlier swans). Fiona saw a white shadowy figure, full of light. She was not alone and felt better. She too had been waiting for someone to bring her out of the dark. The light drew her between graveside and the church, the same light for Robert and for her. Robert’s spirit is in the church, in the light. The bones aren’t important. They can look after themselves. The session culminated with the appearance of four big strong angels whose wings are like swans (again). They were gentle, kind and understanding and Fiona felt that she had known them for a long time--they’re not strangers and like a nice family--mother, father, auntie, uncle (my supervisor noted a possible connection with the four archangels). Fiona felt vibrations in her body at the reply when she asked the angels to look after Robert. The angels invited her to move on, to go beyond the pain. They told her: You must trust, if you trust we will never let you down. Fiona ended the journey by placing flowers on the grave in glorious sunlight. The Childhood Traumas (Sessions 5 – 8) Fiona was beginning to feel safer and more trusting of the GIM process. The mourning and some healing of Robert’s memory provided a kind of catalyst to allow some of these early memories to take more shape. Glimpses had occurred from the outset with the untouched swans, the taking care of younger Fiona and the co-existence of the broken doll/bones in Session four. In allowing these earlier memories to surface it was as if she was beginning a grieving process for her own losses. Stronger music used during these pivotally central sessions enabled her to explore the symbolic potential of such fearful images as: • • • • • • Hiding in a smelly upstairs cupboard during one of her mother’s terrifying rages; The boarded-up fireplace and door in her bedroom; The room where her grandmother died; Both her grandfather and her father returning home drunk in the middle of the afternoon; The cellar where she was often thrown; A dark and gloomy bricked-up well (glimpsed as early as Session two) that frightened and angered her parents. So many of these images were concerned with hiding, being in the dark or with something blocked up. Fiona needed to find ways of protecting and defending herself, of distancing herself from suffering and pain. During the orchestral arrangement of Bach’s Passacaglia and Fugue in C minor (Session six), her guardian angel gave her the strength to look down into the well, finding life in the trapped water. Fiona began to realize her father was the weak one, controlled by her mother and who did anything to keep the peace. She became no longer scared of her father but began rather to pity him. Fiona began to feel freer and have more control. The well scared them more than me. I took their fear on. But, tragically, this house held more horrors for her. She needed a lot of light and support from her ever-important guardian angel to re-visit (Session seven--DeathRebirth) the recurring traumatic memory of discovering in the cellar the coffin of a family member who had died at a young age in childbirth. Fiona also felt as if part of her was in the coffin with the mother and child. During this journey she screamed for both the child and herself to be let out. Subsequent to this session, the following questions were explored in supervision. Was she mourning her own lost childhood? Was some of this material a creative and metaphoric fantasy all needing to be released? How did she feel at the threshold of her own adult life? Fiona remembered how frightened she felt at the funeral, worried that perhaps the baby was not dead. Fiona created a beautiful new grave and funeral for the child and mother. Her last words of the session were: Now there is light. She hasn’t been forgotten, she’s always with me, goodbye my love. They were evoked by the final bars of Mahler’s Der Abschied from Das Lied von der Erde, a farewell described by Fiona as perfect for the funeral. Was she symbolically saying farewell to her own childhood? These central sessions were akin to the musical form of variations on a theme with an ever-deepening cycle of grieving, letting go and some beginning of restoration. By Session eight she had sufficient internal resources to confront the memories of the most dreadful damage done to her by family members. One constantly crippling fear was of dark buildings, church steeples, and towers, holding within them symbolically very painful associations. She asked if she could use the music to face her terror of one church steeple in particular. For the focus she opted to leave her friends at the end of an enjoyable evening and moved towards the bus stop close to the dreaded steeple. After gathering strength during excerpts from Elgar’s Enigma Variations (Positive Affect), she moved towards the steeple, terribly scared but aware that her guardian angel was with her. During the singing in Mozart’s Laudate Dominum the angel seemed not to understand. At the start of Barber’s Adagio for Strings the angel looked sad. As the music moved towards its intense climax there was a clear transformational matrix of working relationships: Fiona’s connections to the music, the unfolding images, and to my guiding. The images unfolded thus: The angel can feel Fiona’s pain, is hunched up, holding her stomach. The angel weeps. The angel understands and holds Fiona’s hand, giving her strength. The angel stands up and let’s go of her stomach. She puts her arm around Fiona. They look up at the steeple together (during the general pause after the loudest moment). Fiona realizes that the steeple represents the family abuser. The angel asks what is to be done with him. Fiona replies: Let him go, let him flow away, take him out of the church steeple. The steeple is now just an empty, narrow passage, just stone. The steeple is a pointed ridiculous object. Following the Barber the know-it-all tenor and self-interested chorus in the Sanctus from Gounod’s St. Cecilia Mass annoyed her. They did not understand; only her angel did. She felt stronger when the voices disappeared during the excerpt from Strauss’ Death and Transfiguration. Here Fiona and her angel were drenched in cleansing and very healing rain. The overwhelming dark object had lost all of its symbolic potency. As a child this fear had petrified her. She was speechless and unable to tell anyone. Now she could see the steeple for what it was – it had been cut down to size. After the session she went to look up at this steeple and at the start of the next session reported that it no longer had the same horror for her. Releasing and Reconciliation (Sessions 9-14) Fiona often brought objects or paintings relating to her GIM journeys to subsequent sessions, including bird feathers (relating to the swans), a drawing of one of the angels at Robert’s grave, and, after the powerful work with the steeple, a painting of a black steeple now covered with glitter and white feathers. She began to talk about becoming freer, released from some of the memories and able to move on. She was aware that nobody was pulling her back, no Robert or abusive family figures. Sessions began to oscillate (at her request) between those focused on quiet, reflective healing and restoration and those where working programs with stronger music were employed to connect again to more fearful feelings. But now there was more integration with Fiona feeling less abandoned and frightened than before. Some of the journeys were magical in flavor, as in her very happy travel in a snowy landscape (Session nine – Quiet Music). A silver-clad lady took her (during Holst’s Venus) on a ride on a carriage pulled, on this occasion, by a clean, white swan. Fiona was certainly using the music in its full liminal and transcendent capacity to enter through new portals into different spaces. Her angels began to take her to even more wonderful places, full of light and color, on one occasion showing me a door in the cloud, a beautiful place that must be heaven…I feel like I’ve been here before, been a long time away but now I’m back. I know this place, this is my home, my proper real home…..I can go anywhere I want to. I feel so special…..all the pain I’ve suffered has dissolved…She began to talk about wanting to help others. I want to help other people with similar circumstances, children who’ve been beaten, raped, locked in the dark….I want to be their angel, to show them the light and beauty. I’m telling a little girl not to give up, she looks so sad, so alone…I’ve put some light in her heart…when she’s strong one day she’ll put some light in someone’s heart. The continued releasing and reconciliatory work was exemplified by such moments as: • • • • • • • • • • Throwing all her past abusers to the bottom of the well where clear water and light dissolved them (Session eleven – Expanded Awareness) Gaining insight that the abusers were the scared ones Feeling that it was not her fault, and being sad when people continued to be angry with her Appreciating that she had worked hard for her good power Being thanked by Robert and letting him go, aware that he will be o.k. Realizing that she is still needed on this earth, things I need to do Restoring her childhood house to a place full of light and sunshine (Session twelve – Peak Experience) a house to be proud of, beautiful, my house…with the clear painted white and flowers around the well Tearing black clothes off her mother to reveal a sad and powerless old lady who says sorry; leading to a tender moment of forgiveness (at the end of Session twelve) Re-visiting the hospital room where Robert died and ritualistically saying her farewells and tidying up his personal items (Session thirteen, close to the second anniversary of his death, using the same music as in Session four, the first anniversary) One final visit to the dark cellar (Session fourteen – Inner Odyssey) and during the drum roll in Nielsen’s 5th symphony tearing up some black plastic trash bags she had brought to the session to symbolize the remaining dark images of black objects from that horrible cellar. Instead of it breaking me up, I’m breaking it up….no-one else will ever suffer in that place Years of horrible memories, frustrations, and hurt were being torn up as trash and Fiona felt a new, good energy and tingling sensation in her fingers at the end of tumultuous Session fourteen. It felt as if some locked memories in the nervous system were being given an opportunity to be released on a physical level, having worked through the images, feelings and memories (Levine, 1997; Hall, 2009). The Final Phase (Sessions 15-17) Colleagues were noticing how Fiona was looking different and speaking out with more confidence. She was sleeping better, having fewer migraines and bad dreams. She felt better about herself and about being ready for a new relationship. The recurrent image of a swan--a pure white swan, like an angel--occurred in Session fifteen during Mythic Journey, a program compiled by Clark (1995). Fiona threw a list of negative thoughts into the river but was troubled that the nearby swan would become dirty with all that negativity so close. The swan gave her the strength to let go and not feel guilty. The list of negative things was also burnt and all the black ash (memories of the ash in her grandfather’s fireplace) trampled underfoot. As Ravel’s orchestration of Mussorgsky’s The Great Gate of Kiev began, Fiona saw a funeral procession of ghostly black figures from the past coming towards her. She gathered strength so that the ghosts all turned back. At the climax of the music she realized that they could not touch or hurt her anymore. They were no longer a part of her. Standing on the top of a mountain she felt strong and guiltless. At the start of her final GIM session (Session seventeen) Fiona talked of starting the work like a bird with two broken wings. One wing was the grief over Robert, which she now felt was healed; the other was the traumatic memories of her childhood abuse which were healing, but she knew would never totally disappear. However, she knew that she now had the inner resources to cope, to be independent and to fly from this case/nest. She talked excitedly of the free bird meeting new friends. This final session was a kind of summary of all of the GIM journeys and a reflection of her desire to bring light into darkness. She asked if the music (the program Mostly Bach) could help her move from a dark memory from a summer holiday when a young child, to being taken by her angels to a place of light and transformation. The scene was familiar: being hit and sent upstairs to her room to wait in terror for her father’s return. She fell on the floor as if she had passed out. Sleep was an escape. I just want to die. Why are people so horrible? She saw the light bulb of her room sparkling through her tears, a comforting image. If I wasn’t crying I wouldn’t see the beauty in the light bulb. The sparkling image was like a magic fairy, strong and good. Fiona used these comforting images as a kind of refuge both at home and when she was being bullied at school. It was her means of survival, living as she said in my own beautiful world, inside of a fishbowl, small, safe, light, so high in the sky where nobody can touch me…..it’s my home. She still needed, at times, to go that fishbowl, although everything was bigger now. Her dog was allowed in with her and maybe one day I’ll trust someone and let them peep in. Fiona was hoping that more people could be allowed to look into that fishbowl and begin to share more of her life with her. She did not need to keep secrets and could do so without feeling guilty. She dreamt of helping oncology patients to draw and paint. At the last review session she talked about being able to speak up more, being less overwhelmed by anxieties and past horrors. She had learnt to defend herself: she had found her voice. Conclusion During the review session we listened together to the Debussy Prelude as we had in the initial ‘taster’ session. As a focus to our joint listening, we used the image of the poppy field on the card she had left with me. The sun shone, she was with her dog, as in the ‘taster’, and she imagined herself as a beautiful lady wearing lovely clothes and carrying a sun umbrella. The session and our work together ended with her favorite tune – Greensleeves – in the arrangement by Vaughan Williams that ends the program Quiet Music. References Abrams, B. & Kasayka, R. (2005). Music imaging for persons at the end of life. In C. Dileo & J. Loewy (Eds.), Music Therapy at the End of Life (pp. 159-170). Cherry Hill, NJ: Jeffrey Books. AMI (n.d.) Association of Music and Imagery (Website). Retrieved from www.amibonnymethod.org. Bonny, H. L (2002). Music Consciousness: The Evolution of Guided Imagery and Music (L. Summer, Ed.). Gilsum, NH: Barcelona Publishers. Borling, J. E. (1992). Perspectives on growth with a victim of abuse: A Guided Imagery and Music [GIM] case study. Journal of the Association for Music and Imagery, 1, 85-97. Bruscia, K. E. (2002). A Psychodynamic orientation to the Bonny method. In K. E. Bruscia and D. E. Grocke (Eds.), Guided Imagery and Music: The Bonny Method and Beyond (pp. 225-243). Gilsum, NH: Barcelona Publishers. Cirlot, J.E. (1971). A Dictionary of Symbols (Second edition). London: Rout-ledge & Kegan Paul. Clark, M. (1991). Emergence of adult self in Guided Imagery and Music (GIM) therapy. In K.E. Bruscia (Ed.), Case Studies in Music Therapy. Phoenixville, PA: Barcelona Publishers. Clark, M. (1995). The hero’s myth in GIM Therapy. Journal of the Association for Music and Imagery, 4, 49-65. Creagh, B. A. (2005). Transformative mourning: The Bonny Method of Guided Imagery and Music for widowed persons. Dissertation Abstracts International: Section B. The Sciences and Engineering, 66 (2-B). Goldberg, F. (1995). The Bonny Method of Guided Imagery and Music. In T. Wigram, B. Saperston and R. West (Eds.), The Art & Science of Music Therapy: A Handbook (pp. 112-128). London, Toronto: Harwood Academic Publications. Grocke, D. E. (2002). The Bonny Music Programs. In K. E. Bruscia and D. E. Grocke (Eds.), Guided Imagery and Music: The Bonny Method and Beyond (pp. 99-133). Gilsum, NH: Barcelona Publishers. Hall, A. (2009). Personal Communication. Herman, J. L. (1992). Trauma and Recovery: The aftermath of violence – from domestic abuse to political terror. New York: Basic Books. Körlin, D. & Wrangsjö B. (2004) GIM European conference, Bulgaria. Personal communication. Korlin, D. (2002). A neuropsychological theory of traumatic imagery in the Bonny Method of Guided Imagery and Music (BMGIM). In K.E. Bruscia & D.E. Grocke (Eds.), Guided Imagery and Music: The Bonny Method and Beyond (pp. 379-415). Gilsum, NH: Barcelona Publishers. Levine, P.A. (1997). Waking the Tiger: Healing Trauma. Berkeley, California: North Atlantic Books. Meadows, A. (2002). Distinctions between the Bonny Method of Guided Imagery and Music (BMGIM) and other imagery techniques. In K. E. Bruscia and D. E. Grocke (Eds.), Guided Imagery and Music: The Bonny Method and Beyond (pp. 63-83). Gilsum, NH: Barcelona Publishers. Moffitt, L. & Hall, A. (2004). “New grown with pleasant pain” (Keats): Recovering from sexual abuse with the use of the Bonny Method of Guided Imagery and Music and the use of poetry. Journal of the Association for Music and Imagery, 9, 59-77. Pickett, E. (1995). Guided Imagery and Music: A technique for healing trauma. Journal of the Association for Music and Imagery, 4, 93-101. Romanyshyn, R. D. (2007). The Wounded Researcher: Research with Soul in Mind. New Orleans, Louisiana: Spring Journal Books. Rothschild, B. (2000). The Body Remembers: The Psychobiology of Trauma and Trauma Treatment. New York: W.W. Norton and Co. Smith, B. (1997). Uncovering and healing hidden wounds: Using GIM to resolve complicated and disenfranchised grief. Journal of the Association for Music and Imagery, 5, 13-23. Tasney, K. (1993). Beginning the healing of incest through Guided Imagery and Music: A Jungian perspective. Journal of the Association for Music and Imagery, 2, 35-47. Ventre, M. (1994). Healing the wounds of childhood abuse: A Guided Imagery and Music case study. Music Therapy Perspectives, 12 (2), 98-103. Ventre, M. (1995). Healing the wounds of childhood abuse: A Guided Imagery and Music case study: Errata. Music Therapy Perspectives, 13(1). Ward, K. (2002). A Jungian orientation to the Bonny Method. In K. E. Bruscia and D. E. Grocke (Eds.), Guided Imagery and Music: The Bonny Method and Beyond (pp. 207-224). Gilsum, NH: Barcelona Publishers. ___________________________________ 1 See Grocke (2002) for details of the music in Bonny’s programs and the appendices in the same volume for details on the programs. APPENDIX A Session Summaries Session Taster Introduction – Focus Light --- path GIM Programme Pastorale (part) 1 2 3 4 light --- path extra blanket --- wood crystal --- dark wood breeze --- grave Caring Nurturing Nurturing Grieving 5 breeze --- old trunk Creativity I 6 tense/relax…well Mostly Bach 7 light/angel…house Death / Rebirth 8 9 extra blanket…bus stop light…snow Positive Affect Quiet Music 10 ball of light…into music Sublime I 11 extra duvet…hill 12 light…garden Expanded Awareness Peak Experience 13 light…hospital Grieving 14 angel…energy Inner Odyssey 15 new breath…dockside Mythic Journey 16 17 ball of color…picture warm wave…holidays Inner Odyssey Mostly Back Some Images walk with dog, white swans perfume, bedroom big and little Fiona big and little Fiona bones, church, light, four angles old clothes well, Robert angel, life in well, father, garden cellar, coffin, new grave church steeple silver lady, white swan, flying in light angel flight, Christmas angel, own wings, dissolving pain lamb, new house, sad mother re-visit hospital, sort Robert’s things cellar, black trash bags swan flight, burning list, letting go poppy, mother mother, punishment, tears, light, fishbowl Acknowledgements: To ‘Fiona’ for giving consent to use material from her GIM sessions and to my supervisor Shelagh Layet. Taken from: Bruscia, K. (Ed.) (1991) Case Studies in Music Therapy. Gilsum NH: Barcelona Publishers. CASE TWO Music Therapy in Working through a Preschooler’s Grief: Expressing Rage and Confusion KERRY BURKE Abstract Six months of music therapy helped four-year-old Adam express his rage and confusion at the death of his father. His aggressive behavior towards his peers and mother found another outlet when he played loud music and expressed his destructive rage. Background Information Adam’s uneventful life changed when his father unexpectedly died playing golf. Four years old at the time, Adam was very close to his father and became aggressive towards other children in preschool and towards his mother, yet refused to leave her side without tantrums. After six months of increasingly disruptive behaviors, his mother brought Adam to me for weekly sessions. He saw no other therapist. Adam’s mother, who was also a therapist, selected music therapy because, “Adam, like his father, could not use words to work through his feelings.” Also, the father had played the guitar which Adam liked to mimic. Assessment The mother described a child needing to express his anger towards his father for leaving him. Adam denied his anger and it became directed at other children and his mother, and his security had been threatened to the point where he did not wish to leave his mother’s side. Adam was able to express his sadness to his mother over the loss of his father with no difficulty. His mother, however, wished him to express and work through his anger and to have ongoing contact with a male authority figure. For assessment, I asked Adam to improvise pieces entitled fear, happiness, sadness, frustration and anger, each in different intensities. He could not play loud anger, keeping it soft while reporting that it was louder. He played the other emotions both loud and soft. This assessment doubled as an activity to increase his range of expression which we called “the emotions.” When asked to draw while improvised various emotional states, Adam drew a grey picture with a solitary figure half smiling under the moon and stars. The goals became for Adam to play loud, angry music; to stop aggressive acts towards others; to allow him to express whatever he wished through music and talk; and finally to provide weekly contact with a male figure, getting Adam to school and leaving his mother’s side voluntarily. After some sessions I talked with his mother and found out how things were going at home and school. After each session, I assessed progress towards these goals on an informal basis. Method Adam came to my house each week for an hour over a six month period. My equipment consists of piano, keyboards and guitars, xylophones, drums and percussion instruments of various sizes. Some sessions were recorded. I admire aspects of the work of therapists Virginia Axline (1976), Carl Rogers (Rogers & Stevens, 1961) and Milton Erickson (Bandler & Grinder, 1978) suggesting that reflection can cure the client. In music therapy, reflection (Priestley, 1975; Nordoff & Robbins, 1977) leads to creative techniques for each client while affirming each individual’s needs. In my work with Adam, reflection meant that he was able to control the sessions to a large degree, by choosing activities and levels of intimacy. For example, Adam wanted “breaks” after each 20 minutes of playing so that he could play a video game, eat a peanut butter sandwich or play catch with a ball outside. Allowing him to do this led to a sharing of therapeutic power, a way in which I like to work. On the other hand, I provided a loose structure. After a warm-up period during which Adam would play his choice of instruments, we would improvise “the emotions” trying to play louder than before. Sometimes I asked him to completed phrases such as: I feel sad about... “being silly” I feel silly about... “school” I feel happy about... “coming here” I feel angry about... “having to leave” I feel angry at...“Mom” Often we composed a song, and every week he drew a picture and often asked me to draw one too. Treatment Process Initial Stage: Four Weeks Sessions began with a discussion about what we could do. He warmed up by arranging percussion instruments and playing them in sequence. I encouraged him to play many instruments. In this period we got to know each other. Adam became proficient at a variety of percussion instruments, copying my beats and asking me to copy his. We tried to play songs on the guitar, using a half size guitar in open tuning, but it posed problems for Adam and was frustrating. However, together we prepared and played “Swing Low, Sweet Chariot.” He asked me to sing and drum while he strummed. The electronic keyboard was easier to play and he began composing pieces which we wrote down. The following week he asked about them when he came to the door. Adam neither wanted to play his strong feelings nor talk about them. His approach was mental rather than emotional. I let him take his time. Each week I modeled loud playing, challenging him to play louder than before, sometimes recording our playing to give him feedback. I made this fun and changed tactics when his interest flagged. He would not play louder despite my efforts. A breakthrough occurred when he filled his page with black scribbling when asked to draw his feelings. Then he drew a dark crying face with big black tears. For the first time, he expressed his sadness and rage with intensity. Middle Stage: Four Months In this period, we found ways to express his feelings. He wrote a song for Halloween about monsters and we recorded it. Strumming an open chord on guitar, he wailed his song and a tape of it proudly went home to mother. He explored the piano, but never loudly. We worked on naming emotions as he experienced them during the day and set them to music. We made pictures of his family tree and assigned feelings to each person. This led to pictures of the family tree divided between those in heaven and those on earth. In his weekly drawing, abstract collections of lines became “mazes” with a monster in the middle. Then came elaborate mazes with many monsters, underground rivers and secret spaces. Maze 1 Adam played these mazes and monsters on various instruments but never loudly. This period ended as Adam began to play less music and asked for more breaks to play video games and eat sandwiches. It was time for a change. Maze 2 Final Stage: Four Weeks I developed two activities to encourage him to express his inner feelings. Spontaneously, I wrote a wiggly “score” for him to play on piano, as shown below. It incorporated loud and soft, fast and slow dynamics. Adam played it while my finger traced the wiggle. He loved it, turning it over and playing again, then turning it sideways. He made one for me to play. Suddenly, he played very loud, it was a breakthrough. The visual representation of loud and soft worked. Wiggly Score 1 Wiggly Score 2 One day Adam noticed that a drumhead on a conga was starting to break. I invited him to finish breaking it. He wanted to but then held back, and this allowed his feelings to come into focus. He talked about how scared he was to break things. Then he began hitting the drum harder and harder, many times until it finally broke. It felt good and he discussed his fear that if he let his anger go, he could destroy people and objects. The next week, I provided a cardboard box which Adam destroyed with a huge gong mallet. His mother provided boxes at home which he destroyed. At the next session, Adam began to escape from his mazes, talking himself through it: “Keep to the side here and wait till the monster doesn’t look here; the underground river has a bridge over it.” The following week, Adam did not arrive for his session. He had not bugged his mother to leave for music therapy and she had forgotten. She reported that he was going to school and was not clinging to her. His aggression had also stopped. We therefore agreed to end the sessions unless Adam brought the subject up again. The sessions ended. Discussion and Conclusions Adam’s reaction to the death of his father was typical for a child of his age. What set Adam apart was his difficulty in describing his feelings, his closeness to his father which may have heightened his sense of loss, and his mother’s sensitivity to his distress. He could experience sadness at the death of his father but not anger. However, with a male figure to help, along with our music-making, artwork, and games, Adam was able to express feelings and confusion over his father’s death which he had difficulty talking about. Reflection was easy with Adam. Each session, he came ready to work, usually to finish what we worked on the previous week. Thus, I felt confident giving him choices about how and what we would do each session. This indicated how completely Adam threw himself into the sessions. Significant moments were first when he drew blackness and the crying face. His expression became intense at this point, which is an important indicator for me that therapeutic goals were being met. When we began to play wiggly lines, the volume of his playing increased dramatically, again indicating to me that his inner world was becoming involved. Lastly, when he destroyed the drumhead and boxes, he could discuss his feelings of fear over the quantity of rage within himself. Ideally, these feelings would have been discussed in terms of the father, however, the sessions ended at this point. This destructive intervention developed by my noticing the way Adam’s attention was drawn to the broken drumhead. He asked what would happen to it when it was broken and would I throw it away. After a number of questions, I asked him if he would like to break it. The violence in this action–and his enthusiasm for it–made me pause and consider the wisdom of encouraging Adam in this pursuit, and whether it may encourage him to act out. I decided that his interest in the drum indicated a symbolic representation of his inner conflict which seemed to be true from the results, and that it was safe to continue. When his tremendous enthusiasm for the sessions vanished and he did not show for his session, it surprised me. No other client of mine has suddenly met the therapeutic goals in the way that Adam did, nor forgotten the sessions in a week. It seemed to indicate that his need for the sessions had ended for the moment and that to continue would provide closure for me, but not him. Update Adam now sees me twice a year. A year after sessions ended there was a message on my answering machine, “I need to see you, I can’t escape from the maze again.” There was a change in the family situation. With the mother’s approval, Adam is allowed to set up appointments when he wishes. These later sessions are more supportive than therapeutic: the emphasis is on peanut butter! He still draws pictures, but the maze has disappeared. References Axline, V., (1976). Play therapy. New York: Ballantine Books. Bandler, R., Grinder, J., (1975). Patterns of Hypnotic Techniques of Milton Erickson. Science and Technology Books. Nordoff, P., & Robbins, C, (1977). Creative Music Therapy. New York: John Day. Priestley, M., (1975). Music Therapy in Action. St. Louis: MMB. Rogers, C. & Stevens, B., (1961). Person to Person. Boston: Houghton and Mifflin. Taken from: Meadows, A. (Ed.) (2011). Developments in Music Therapy Practice: Case Study Perspectives. Gilsum NH: Barcelona Publishers. CASE THREE Our Path to Peace: Songwriting-Based Brief Music Therapy with Bereaved Adolescents Robert E. Krout Introduction Experiencing the death of a child is one of the most difficult losses for family members to accept, cope with, and adjust to (Children’s Hospice International, 2005; Fletcher, 2002; Pavlicevic, 2005; Robb, 2003; Rosof, 1994). Even when a child has a lifelimiting illness, such as a terminal cancer, and is expected to die, few families know what to do when that child does die (Armstrong-Dailey & Zarbock, 2001; De Cinque, Monterosso, Dadd, Sidhu, & Lucas, 2004). Parents and caregivers are challenged as to how to help themselves, as well as surviving siblings (Bright, 2002). The death of a sibling can be an especially difficult and significant life-impacting event for adolescents (Birenbaum, 2000; Doka, 2000). The grieving process interacts with core adolescent concerns of gaining mastery and control over their environment, having a sense of belonging, and seeking fairness and justice in their lives (Fleming & Adolph, 1986). This chapter describes the use of strategic songwriting based brief music therapy with a group of young adolescents during a single session that took place at a three-day family bereavement retreat. This approach incorporated concepts from brief therapy, cognitive therapy and insight therapy (Krout, 2005a; 2006). Foundational Concepts Moos (1995) describes how bereaved adolescents adapt to the death of a loved one through establishing the personal meaning of the loss, maintaining an emotional balance, sustaining interpersonal relationships, and preserving a satisfactory self-image. Balk (1996) articulates a cognitive approach to bereavement therapy with grieving adolescents, emphasizing the need for them to develop a variety of coping skills, including dealing with the reality of the loss and learning how to respond to life changes as a result of the death. Many adolescents have a strong need to belong and not seem different from peers that may cause them to hide outward signs or expressions of grieving (Corr & Corr, 1996). Forward and Garlie (2003) describe the adolescent bereavement process as variable, encompassing five stages of finding out, avoiding reality, facing reality, turning the corner, and finding new meaning versus ending the search. In each of these stages, the adolescent focuses on the basic psychological process of the search for new meaning. Group activities may help adolescents organize the confusing experience of grief and facilitate their gaining insight into what they are going through, as they may feel a frightening loss of control (Duncan, Joselow & Hilden, 2006; Holliday, 2002; Perschy, 2004; Snyder, 2008). Among group grief services for siblings of children who have died are complementary modalities such as creative arts interventions (Bright, 2002; Brooks & O’Rourke, 2002; Desai, Ng, & Bryant, 2002; Hasenfus & Franceschi, 2003; Hilliard, 2001; Jimerson, 2005; Krout, 2002, 2005b; Lehmann, Jimerson, & Gaasch, 2001a, 2001b, 2001c, 2001d; Mondanaro, 2005; Rufin, Creed & Jarvis, 1997). These address a wide range of concerns, with a particular focus on self-expression. The use of music therapy experiences in grief interventions for bereaved children and adolescents are designed to help them with issues relating to the validation, identification, clarification, normalization, and expression of feelings (Bright, 2002; Dalton & Krout, 2005, 2006; Gilmer, 2002; Hilliard, 2001, 2007, 2008; Hogan & Roberts, 2005; Krout, 1999, 2002, 2005b, 2006; Krout & Jones, 2005; McFerran-Skewes, 2000; McFerran-Skewes & Grocke, 2000; McFerran-Skewes & Erdonmez-Grocke, 2000; Roberts, 2006; Skewes, 2000; Skewes & Grocke, 2000; Teahan, 2000). For example, McFerran-Skewes (2001) investigated a psychodynamic approach to music therapy group work with younger, bereaved adolescents. The author conducted and analyzed indepth interviews with the participants following a course of ten music therapy sessions. She reported that their desires for freedom, control, fun, and achievement of cohesion within the group were essential in successfully addressing their grief needs (McFerranSkewes, 2001). Music therapy bereavement interventions for adolescents have included the specific use of song-writing-based experiences. In one two-part study, Dalton and Krout (2005, 2006) described the development and implementation of the Grief Song-Writing Process (GSWP) with bereaved adolescents. First, a thematic analysis was completed of 123 songs previously written by bereaved adolescents in individual music therapy sessions that expressed core concerns regarding the death of their loved one and how they were coping since the death. Second, existing grief models were compared with these song theme areas, and an integrated grief model was developed that included five identified grief process areas. Next, a systematized seven-session group GSWP protocol was developed and implemented, during which adolescents created music and wrote original lyrics to songs that focused on each of the five grief process areas: understanding, feeling, remembering, integrating, and growing. These last two process areas, integrating and growing, may be related to the model described as continuing bonds (Webb, 2004). Webb (2004) and others have suggested that siblings should not be encouraged to disengage from the deceased but to continue their bonds, thus aiding in their developmental task of mastery. Packman, Horsley, Davies and Kramer (2006) discussed the unique and continued relationships formed by bereaved children and adolescents following the death of a sibling. In the present example, a group of young adolescents served as a single case for this chapter, which combined design elements of a naturalistic treatment case study with an outcome–based evaluative case study (Bruscia, 1991; Smeijsters, 2005). I incorporated several theoretical approaches represented through a songwriting-based approach to music therapy, including brief therapy, cognitive therapy, insight therapy, process-oriented songwriting and strategic songwriting (Brunk, 1998; Darrow, 2004; Hanser, 1999; Krout, 2005a, 2006). Treatment occurred during one session. Although unusual for case studies, a single session approach may be appropriate in grief and bereavement work when the clinician knows, in advance, that there will only be one session and a single opportunity to work with a specific group of clients due to the nature of the treatment setting, client goals, and advance scheduling (Krout, 2005a, 2006). In this session, the young adolescents re-wrote lyrics to a song I composed for the sole purpose of working with this group on this occasion. The song represented the overall theme for the retreat, that of each family (and family member) finding their own “path to peace” as part of their unique grief journeys. This theme was developed during retreat staff planning sessions in which I took part. It is important to note that the weekend retreat was designed to be supportive in nature, and was not intended to substitute for intensive or on-going counseling for the parents and sibling participants. Instead, it was designed to incorporate and reflect what Teahan (2000) termed the “V.I.N.E.” concept, which refers to the use of creative arts therapies in facilitating the validation, identification, normalization, and expression of feelings, thoughts, and emotions of bereaved family members as part of a natural and organic grieving process. The Clients This songwriting-based music therapy session took place with a group of young bereaved adolescents at a three-day family bereavement retreat run by a not-for-profit bereavement organization. The adolescents were all part of attending families who had experienced the death of a sibling/child. The services of the bereavement organization were offered to the families in a number of ways. Brochures about the organization were available at pediatric hospitals, cancer care centers, and hospice facilities in the area. Social workers and child life specialists at these facilities were also made aware of the available services by the organization, and as such, families often knew about the grief services before or shortly after the death of their child. As a result, families who were interested in the services of the organization visited the web site for specific programs offered or contacted the organization by phone or e-mail. The family weekend retreat, offered twice per year, was one of the programs offered and described. Assessment Prior to the retreat weekend, I was provided with information regarding how many young adolescents were scheduled to be in my group (nine), their grief and loss backgrounds (included both sudden and anticipated sibling deaths), their ages (11-13) and their genders (four males and five females). Intake and assessment information on all sibling participants was provided by parents as part of the application process. This included information about the deceased child, such as dates of child’s birth, death and cause of death. Causes of death included neuroblastoma, leukemia, kidney and renal failures, metabolic disorder, immune deficiency, trisomy, congenital heart defect, and staph infection. Information on each sibling participant was also provided, including their age at the time of the death, current home and school placement information, age of and relationships with other surviving siblings, nature of any grief services provided before or after the death (including participation in retreats offered by our organization), and how the sibling had been coping since the death. Other relevant information such as sibling medical conditions and medications currently being taken was also provided. Another portion of the application asked parents to describe what they wanted to “get out of” the retreat for both themselves and their children. The information was reviewed by retreat staff, who were all mental health professionals volunteering for the retreat. All staff had previous experience working with bereaved families, and many worked as clinicians at local pediatric hospitals or hospice organizations. If a family appeared to be appropriate for the retreat after review of their application, they were invited to take part. If the family did not appear to be appropriate for the retreat (for example, the death being less than one month prior), or that parents described what appeared to be symptoms of complicated mourning (Rando, 1993), the family was contacted by staff and offered other alternatives to the retreat. These alternatives included grief counseling for the family. The overall goal of the retreat, as described to the parents, was to provide the children, adolescents, and adults with a safe and supportive environment in which to share their losses and the changes in their lives since these losses. The retreat was also intended to provide interventions and experiences to help them identify and express feelings and emotions, as well as to explore adaptive strategies suited to their unique situations. The Therapeutic Process During the retreat, siblings were seen in separate process and recreation groups, and were organized into groups by age (three- and four-year-olds, five-year-olds, sixand seven-year-olds, eight- to ten-year-olds, 11-13 year olds, and 14 years and older). There were also process-oriented family sessions and experiences in which they took part. Additional separate process groups were held for parents as couples, and for moms and dads separately. A music therapy facilitator served as co-leader of each sibling group. At this weekend retreat, I co-facilitated a process group with a child life specialist who worked full-time at a pediatric cancer center and who had experience in working with bereaved children and adolescents. The group included nine 11-13 year olds; four males and five females. Although music therapy experiences were included in three of the group sessions with these nine participants, the songwriting itself took place during one 90-minute session. The method of therapy involved engaging the group in a song-writing experience, and creating new lyrics to the song, “Our Path to Peace” (see Table 1). At the time I wrote the song, the retreat staff had an idea of how many young adolescents were likely to register, their grief and loss backgrounds, and their genders. With this information in mind, I wanted to create a song that could be used with the group and individualized via active songwriting for each participant in the group. Again, the “path to peace” title and focus was chosen for the song due to the fact that this was the theme selected by the retreat staff for the entire weekend. When families registered for the retreat, this “path to peace” title and theme was featured in the registration information and application. For the music therapist, using songwriting as an intervention, the issue of who actually writes the song is crucial (Krout, 2005b). One important consideration is how much session time and how many sessions can be devoted to this, as a song may take several sessions to complete if working from scratch. I knew that our songwriting session would take place during one 90-minute session. As such, I wrote the song prior to the retreat, but planned to involve the participants in re-writing the lyrics during the session. This approach represents a combination of strategic songwriting (song written ahead of time for clinical use), process song-writing (song written as a process experience by/with the participants) and lyric re-writing (Baker & Wigram, 2005; Brunk, 1998; Krout, 2006). I did this because of how I wanted to use the song in the group, and how much time (one session) was available for this music therapy intervention. I wanted to engage the participants in exploring the theme for the retreat and to use the song to foster discussion regarding each participant’s relationship to the theme via the concepts and metaphors embedded in the song. This song was designed to serve as a departure point for sharing, and the beginning of a group process for the weekend. I wanted to share some thoughts and concepts for the participants to react to, and to use the song in fostering discussion regarding these concepts. The session began with introductions and a review of confidentiality guidelines (i.e., “What we say here stays here”). Each group member was invited to “tell their story” and share about his/her sibling who had died. Most of the group members shared briefly, and only three participants elaborated on their losses for more than several sentences. This was expected, as for adolescents, sharing about their personal sibling loss histories can be both difficult and intimidating (Birenbaum, 2000). Both I and my coleader assured the participants that they did not have to share more than they felt comfortable with at that time. I next told the participants “Here is a song I wrote that relates to the theme of this retreat and to some of the issues we will explore this weekend. For now, just listen to the song, and we can talk about it afterwards if you wish. You can also re-write the lyrics if you want to make the song your own. I am passing out copies of the lyrics so you can follow along.” I felt that starting with a receptive experience in which I played and sang the song while the participants just listened would be a safe and non-threatening experience for them. The original lyrics, as well as the lyrics re-written by the group, can be seen in Table 1. A lead sheet for the song as re-written (verse 1 and chorus) can be seen in Appendix 1. I then played and sang the song with guitar accompaniment. Following the song, I asked if anyone in the group wanted to comment on or talk about the lyrics. After a moment of (anticipated) silence, one 12-year-old boy whose younger sister had died the year before of renal failure, began the discussion by saying that the path to peace might be found inside of us rather than externally like a path one walks on. Several participants agreed with him, and a 13-year-old girl followed up, suggesting that the path might be in heaven, where she thinks her baby sister is. Conversation continued, and we explored a number of concepts imbedded in the original lyrics. I next asked if the group would like to re-write some of the lyrics, to which the participants responded positively. I wrote the original lyrics in the first person plural so that the singer would be in the voice of, and represent, the point of view of the group. I also wanted the song to help contribute to these individualized processes within the environment of this particular session and the grief retreat as a whole. This appeared to work, as participants discussed the lyrics, related them to their own losses and situations and offered new lyrics. The songwriting process also offered participants opportunities to reflect on and process their unique grief situations both as individuals and as a group, which was the clinical intention. This can be seen in the new lyrics, which include personal pronouns that are both first person singular and plural (e.g., you, we), as well as first person and plural possessive pronouns (e.g., your, our). Although several participants made multiple suggestions for lyric changes, all group members offered at least one suggested lyric change. In addition, all suggested lyrics were explored and discussed by the group, which made the decision on whether or not to include the newly suggested lyrics in the song, or stick with the original lyrics. I served as scribe for the group, writing down the suggested lyrics and reading them back to the group for reflection, discussion, clarification or alteration. After new lyrics were suggested and discussed, I sang the new song line containing the lyrics so the group could hear how it sounded when sung. Some of the participants began to sing along with me after I invited them to do so. The lyric changes for the second half of verse two also seemed significant. The sentence “Each step we take it means so much, you’re walking with us” was changed to “Each step we take you mean so much, and you’re holding onto us.” The boy who offered this change shared that they (the surviving siblings) were the ones walking on their grief journeys. He said that their deceased brothers and sisters couldn’t walk anymore (being dead), but that their spirits could hold onto them as they walked. In this way, they would be together throughout their lives. This prompted another group member to suggest a change for the second verse. She changed “Living every day anew, your light among us” to “Living every day anew, you’re flying among us,” observing that the spirits can fly even if they can’t walk. The discussion and lyric re-writing took about 45 minutes. At the conclusion of the process, we discussed the new song in total and how it was now uniquely theirs. I asked the group if they would like to change the title of the song, but they chose to keep the original title. Finally, I asked the group if they would like to sing the song with me at the closing remembrance service and ceremony or record it so a CD of the song could be played at the service. The group chose to record the song rather than sing it live, and we recorded the song to a CD with me playing guitar and the group singing with me (see Appendix A for the music and lyrics). A remembrance service at noon on Sunday concluded the retreat. It was held in an outdoor chapel, which consisted of a beautiful open limestone structure with a small creek flowing through it. There were seats around the perimeter, as well as stone benches facing a raised stone platform, with a stone wall behind it. The goal of the nonTable 1 Lyrics to "Our Path to Peace" Original Lyrics Re-Written Group Lyrics Verse 1 From this journey we are on Come the moments which have grown To bring the rising of the dawn And you before us So as this new day comes to pass Changing shape and moving fast Forming memories that will last Of you within us Verse 1 We wait for you and love you We wait for you and miss you To bring the rising of the dawn And you to join us So as your life comes to pass Shaping lives and leaving fast Storing memories that will last Of you within us Chorus We are standing here Remembering you and holding dear The light of love Reflections of The hearts that will not cease Chorus We will stop here To remember you and hold you dear The light of love Reflections of Our hearts that go on forever To move forward still As days grow bright journey will Begin each day And show the way Along our path to our peace Verse 2 Today we turn our love to you All the dreams that we've been through All the thoughts that we've gone through Living every day anew You're flying among us So here we share our hopes and touch Our future bright, now you're with us Each step we take you mean so much And you're holding onto us To move forward still As days grow bright our journey will Begin each day To show the way Along our path to peace Verse 2 Today we turn our thoughts to you Living every day anew Your light among us So here we share our hopes and touch A future bright you are with us Each step we take it means so much You're walking with us service was to honor and remember the deceased children. After an induction by a chaplain and remarks from the retreat leader, each deceased child was honored with a flower placed on a wreath by his/her family. The name of each child was read by the chaplain, along with the dates of the child’s birth and death, the child’s age at death and how the child died. During this time, the family brought the flower forward. After all the names had been read, I introduced the song, its relationship to the retreat theme, and shared how the group had re-written the lyrics. At this point, several of the group members came up to the front of the space and stood next to me. This was self-initiated and suggested that they felt ownership for the song and how it was being shared with their families. Copies of the song lyrics were distributed by several members of our songwriting group. Our song was then played via a CD player hooked into the PA system. The service concluded with remarks and a blessing from the chaplain. After the service, I gave each group member a copy of the CD we had made. The families then dispersed and the retreat was over. During this time, most of the group members came over to say good-bye, and several shared how meaningful the songwriting process was for them. Several parents also said that their children had discussed and shared the song with them during informal times during the weekend. In written evaluations of the retreat, all group participants rated the songwriting experience as positive, indicating they would like to take part in a similar group in the future. denominational Summary For family members, grieving has been described as a shared, universal and natural expression in response to loss such as the death of a sibling (Bruce, 2002). For adolescents grieving the death of a sibling, music therapy can facilitate this natural grieving (Teahan, 2000), and music therapy songwriting-based interventions can be a significant part of this process (Krout, 2005b). As Bruscia (1998) wrote, “They (songs) express who we are and how we feel, they bring us closer to others, they keep us company when we are alone. They articulate our beliefs and values. As the years pass, songs bear witness to our lives. They allow us to relive the past, examine the present, and to voice our dreams of the future. Songs weave tales of our joys and sorrows, they reveal our innermost secrets, and they express our hopes and disappointments, our fears and our triumphs. They are our musical diaries, our life-stories. They are the sounds of our personal development.” (p. 9) In music therapy group work, the use of therapist-composed songs can facilitate participant connections and goals between and for participants during a single session, even when those participants have not interacted prior to that session (Krout, 2005a). For adolescents, songs can function as powerful catalysts for individual and group identity formation and the construction of feelings of self (Laiho, 2004). The music and lyrics of group-composed songs can provide creative and safe containers in, and through which, bereaved adolescents can experience, explore and process their grief (Dalton & Krout, 2006). The songwriting experience in which I involved the group of bereaved young adolescents at this grief retreat appeared to facilitate the validation, identification, normalization and expression of their feelings relating to both their deceased siblings and their own on-going grief journeys and processes. Although this group process lasted for only 90-minutes, it allowed the group members to take part in a meaningful group experience, while also examining and reflecting on their own unique grief situations in a creative and non-threatening way. References Armstrong-Dailey, A. & Zarbock, S. (Eds.) (2001). 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From the mouths of babes: The response of six younger, bereaved teenagers to the experience of psychodynamic group music therapy. The Australian Journal of Music Therapy, 11, 3-22. Skewes, K. & Grocke, D. (2000). What does group music therapy offer to bereaved young people: A rounded approach to the grieving adolescent. Grief Matters: The Australian Journal of Loss and Grief, 3(3), 54-61. Smeijsters, H. (2005). Quantitative single case designs. In B. L. Wheeler, (Ed.), Music Therapy Research (2nd Ed.) (pp. 293-305). Gilsum, NH: Barcelona. Snyder, L. (2008). Qualitative research on the culture and theology of the teen grief experience for a teen grief ministry: An ethnographic approach. Dissertation Abstracts International: Section A. Humanities and Social Sciences, 68(7-A), 2992. Teahan, M. (2000). Grief interventions. In M. Teahan and T. Dalton, (Eds.) Helping Children and Adolescents Cope with Grief and Bereavement. Symposium conducted at the Alumni Conference of the Barry University School of Social Work, Miami, FL. Webb, N. (2004). Helping Bereaved Children: A Handbook for Practitioners (2nd Ed.). New York: Guilford Publications. Appendix Taken from: Sekeles, C. (2007). Music Therapy: Death and Grief. Gilsum NH: Barcelona Publishers. CASE FOUR Where Have All Our Flowers Gone? Music Therapy with a Bereaved Mother and Widow: A Case Analysis Chava Sekeles “I have a hole in my bosom. Never knew of its existence. … Here in the center of the bosom, a private hell occurred to a woman who just wanted to hold again and again to her love.”(Adi Lelior, 2004, Till Death Do Us Part, p. 51) Dedicated to Anetta and Reuven Shari Introduction Naama, a mother in her forties, had lost her eldest son in a military action behind the “green line.” Though this occurred at a time of war, it was not the enemy who killed him, but, as they say in the army, “the fire of our own forces.” Throughout the first two years after this accident, Naama continued to function to some extent, though her motivation and efficacy had obviously deteriorated. Then, another blow struck the family, and her husband, following a short period of illness, passed away. Naama was left with her adolescent son David, who was on the verge of finishing high school. The everyday activities faded away, and her depression was accompanied by self-negligence: From a beautiful, well-dressed, and preserved wife, she turned into an indifferent woman, could not execute her household duties, neglected her son, did not care to eat, and slept very little. After a year in psychotherapy accompanied by antidepressant drugs, she was referred to music therapy, where the work with her continued for three years. Two years after concluding music therapy, she married a widower who brought two daughters to the family nest. Throughout time, all the children left home and Naama’s life as part of a couple continued reasonably. Why was Naama referred to music therapy? The psychiatrist who treated her had claimed that the medication had helped her but that the verbal therapy had not been effective. Conversely, she had told him of her love for music, of the fact that she was moved by music, and of her readiness to try this medium. Intake and Observation Naama entered the room, did not look around, collapsed into an armchair, and stayed there. In the short conversation we had, Naama expressed enormous rage concerning the army, her fate, the dead, her losses, herself, and what awaited her in the future. She was very ambivalent and unsure that any therapy might help her. Interestingly enough, she displayed all of this rage while sitting in the armchair in a bent over position, making hardly any movement, and as though spitting the words to get them out of her system. Moreover, she did not raise her voice above mezzo piano. Thus, there was a disparity between the content and the vocal elements of what she said. At a certain moment, this rage content turned into a deep feeling of helplessness, loneliness, and emptiness. Her vocabulary changed, but the musical features remained approximately the same. The conversation turned to what she expected from music therapy. After a long silence, Naama asked: “Can it energize my body and soul? Can it pour something that will purify my being?” This was a high mountain of expectations: Was it indeed possible? What does music enable, and where are its limitations? How much would Naama cooperate, and how flexible was she? Specializing in the developmental- integrative model, I asked myself what approach and technique I should choose and implement. Therapeutic Considerations. In the mourning process that Naama had undergone, the past, present, and future had been felt as an empty space, creating a deficiency, deep pain, helplessness, and hopelessness. The fact that Naama could not find a channel for consolatory activity caused me to contemplate her role in the matrimonial relationship: Naama had always had this conflict of developing her professional life versus being a wife and a mother. She chose the second role and became very dependent on her husband and children. After the death of her eldest son and her husband, as I had found with other dependent widows, she could not so easily rebuild a new meaningful life and was not able to care for the remaining youngest son. Generally speaking, the elaboration of personal grief either positively aids in the adaptation of the rest of the family to the bereavement process or influences it negatively. Death in a family causes changes in hierarchy, in resharing duties, in communication, and more. As long as Naama’s husband had lived, he had supported her and they had both taken care of the younger child. Though she had not reverted to her former self after her soldier-son was killed, she had nonetheless hung on in a way. When her husband died, the burden became too heavy and she could not prevent her own disintegration. Avigdor Klingman (1998) says that the death of an offspring is among the most difficult and painful experiences of parents; always perceived and felt as too early and unjustified. A child is an additional part of the parents’ egos, specifically in mothers’ emotional worlds. In the Israeli society, where many young soldiers are killed during military service, there is also a kind of emotional differentiation between soldiers who had a “heroic death” and soldiers who were killed in an accident. There is a lot of anger (in this case, anger toward those who killed Naama’s son). Remarks such as: “Nothing to be proud of,” “He gave his life to the country for nothing,” can be heard from people, including the two families of the deceased. Klingman (ibid.) says that according to the general literature on children’s deaths, the following factors must be considered: the parents’ personality, the age of the child, the cause of death, and the context in which it transpired. Returning to Naama: As aforementioned, the transformation from a bereaved mother to being a bereaved mother and widow led to her deterioration. Moreover, we can add a bereaved brother and son who needed her to function both as a mother and as a father to the constellation. She needed to deal with her son’s grief as well as with her own, to organize all the official arrangements, to cope with her loneliness, and to find new meaning in life, as she did not even have a profession or job to get back to. All this was too much for her personality’s strength, and she sank into depression, including all the clinical signs. To confess to the truth, I had no idea as to what would happen in her music therapy sessions, and the fact that verbal psychotherapy had not helped her troubled me a lot. I did not think that music was the answer to all of her problems, and I did not feel omnipotent. With these feelings, I met Naama for the second session. Tied to a Coffin Naama entered the room, fell once again into the armchair, and said, “To tell you the truth. I don’t think I can do anything. Most of the time, I feel tied to a coffin, as if I were lying in a grave, unable to breathe. I cannot even concentrate on my youngest son, and I think that he may not need me.” This image of “tied to a coffin,” and the idea that her son might not need her, opened a narrow window for work and elaboration through music. I suggested that she transfer this feeling of lying in the coffin, unable to breathe or think, into music. She immediately responded: “No way! But if you can find recorded music that fits this situation, I’ll try to listen to it.” I screened my “inner library” of art music (which was the category she preferred), in an effort to find the image of “tied to a coffin.” After a few minutes, I suggested Lukas Foss’s Echoi (1961–1963), an aleatoric 3 improvisation for percussion instruments, cello, piano, and cembalo. The composition begins with a very low cluster played in a quick tremolo style. After few minutes, percussion and piano notes are inserted, followed by Baroque themes, which sounds like a fantasy of distortion. I let Naama hear 10 minutes of the beginning, which was intense enough. Naama’s reaction was mixed: “This was awesome music. I could hardly stand it, but it perfectly portrayed the horrible stress I feel in the suffocating coffin.” Indeed, my choice of Echoi led to a similar feeling of stress and horror, probably due to the realistic sound of the roaring noise. Another reason was the improvisational features of Foss’s composition, which could show Naama that this approach exists in the work of well-known artists. In music therapy, improvisation has a respectful position and acts as one of the main therapeutic languages. It enables to dare even without a preliminary experience. Thus, the expression of feelings is not necessarily accompanied by words. In addition, improvisations act as a chain of associations, freed from the mastery of reason and logic (Sekeles, 2002). In the third session, we turned back to the theme of being tied to a coffin, and Naama was ready to try to describe it through piano improvisation. Naama used to play the piano when she was young, but she did not spontaneously improvise. I therefore suggested that she choose one note and let me play it on the bass section of the piano. Naama suggested the note of E, and when she felt comfortable with this note, she carefully added her own improvisation. This one note was played in a constant rhythm (basso ostinato), served as a container, and symbolized the narrow space of the coffin. Naama began to play in a stiff, repetitious style and gradually developed the melodic line, the dynamics, and the range of the music. I looked at her face and saw the expression of a child playing with a new toy. This improvisation continued for about 10 minutes and allowed me, at a certain point, to develop the one note into a melodic counterpoint. After finishing, I suggested listening to the recording. Naama consented. She listened intently and afterward commented, “I have never improvised on the piano, and I never felt free to play in such a way. I reckon that the one note held me in a manner that allowed me to stay in the coffin without being suffocated. At the end, I even stepped out and felt quite good. I would not suspect that I’d be able to describe a feeling like that through music.” Therapeutic Considerations. The ability to “play” with any material; change its shape; remodel it; think about it in an unconventional way; be active, imaginative, and innovative, is the basics of creativity. Musical improvisations enable us to use “divergent thinking,” which is characterized by fluent production, multifaceted solutions, spontaneity, and freedom from logical thinking. From our discussions, I learned that Naama was not comfortable without a welldefined framework and that even while cooking she had to use recipes. From this point of view, strengthening her creativity meant providing her with more self-confidence and freedom. Symbolically, improvising on a holding pattern is to cast your own ideas on a sound ground. This is one of the advantages of mutual playing (in this case four-hand piano) and using techniques that do not require professional competencies. The holding frame is typically a repetitious parameter: rhythmical pattern, harmonic pattern, basso ostinato, an interval, a melodic line, and others. These are phenomena that exist in musical compositions and give the listener a feeling of consistency and confidence. I thought that we might work on broadening Naama’s improvisational and emotional horizons by listening to compositions that develop from a narrow space to a wider one and to correspondingly improvise in a similar fashion. Holding and Containing Hector Berlioz demonstrates a type of holding frame in the Pilgrims’ 4 Procession, which is the second movement of Harold in Italy, by a sounding a repetitious note. Though this note does not resound in an intensive way, it does so very clearly. Naama enjoyed listening to it, noticed the internal counterpoint voices and melodious lines, and in her imagination developed an entire conversation with her late husband. She divulged the content to me after the music was finished. I suggested that she employ a gestalt technique of two chairs and converse again by playing both roles: her husband and herself. In this conversation, Naama gently blamed her husband for deserting her, leaving her alone with her suffering. Though it was said in a very soft voice, I had the feeling that she had partially ventilated her anger. She moved from chair to chair, even changing her voice a bit, and used painful vocabulary to ease her burden, completely ignoring my presence. This is merely one example of holding parameters in music, which contain the sorrow of the patient and elicit verbal content. Another example was Ravel’s Bolero, in which the melody is repeated from beginning to end (for 15 to 18 minutes) with changes in texture and dynamics. In addition, there is a repetitious rhythmical pattern typical to the Bolero dance. From a therapeutic point of view, this composition contains elements of ecstatic music, specifically the graduate crescendo and varying of the melodic instruments, versus the fixed rhythmical pattern. There is, however, no accelerando, and thus the musical excitement in ecstatic traditional rituals (Sekeles, 1994), which elicit ecstatic dancing, is far more restricted and diminished in the Bolero. Naama reacted to the Bolero by deciding to adopt the rhythmical pattern and drummed it on the timpani for nearly 10 minutes. In the beginning, she could not sound the crescendo, but kept the tempo very well. After about three minutes, she added crescendo and acceleration, which are a natural physiological phenomenon. Naama commented on the feeling this kind of drumming gave her: “I felt ‘high’ as if I was dancing and not playing. Amazing how a simple repetitious melody may have so much strength and the power to energize the listener. It was good.” Returning to the intake meeting, I thought about Naama’s response when I asked her what she expected from music therapy: Can it energize my body and soul? Can it pour something that will purify my being? Perhaps she had begun to open herself to simple physio-psychological activity and felt the music not only in her head but also in her body and soul. I remembered that I had Ravel’s arrangement of the Bolero for solo piano. I decided to use it the next session. After a week, Naama arrived and asked to listen to the Bolero again. I took the opportunity to suggest that she play the rhythm, just as she had already done, while I played the solo piano. Naama agreed to try this idea. We played it once from beginning to end, and she then suggested: “We can use the same rhythm and improvise a new composition on it.” We did this while alternating roles. That is to say, once she improvised and I kept the rhythm, and vice versa. I felt a positive procession of development, and while she was busy playing I observed a mild expression of satisfaction on her face. Therapeutic Considerations. Both terms, holding and containing, originate in physiology and were adapted to psychology. The fetus is held and contained in his mother’s womb, which gives him comfort and confidence. Subsequent to birth, the mother’s body and hands carry on this posture and function, which gradually obtains a double meaning: physiological and psychological. Generally speaking, a holding frame or a frame “inclines to stabilize the therapeutic process and protect the client and the therapist from being over flooded and carried away by situations and actions that they are not yet ready for or unable to cope with” (Rosenheim, 1990, p. 46). In psychotherapy, the frame may be a set therapeutic time and structure, ethical rules, and more, which enable the therapeutic process to develop within it a proper amount of flexibility. In music therapy, we also have specific techniques that supply a holding frame and at the same time allow freedom for improvisations. This is a duality, typical to music as an art form, which is present in almost all musical categories. With each patient, the holding frame may be a different structural element: rhythm, melody, harmony, etc. We therefore need to find the most effective element and work with it while internalizing, conversing, reflecting, augmenting, clarifying, and more. Naama was able to listen in a sensitive way, gradually represented actual life events through music, and used it to suit her particular needs. An example of this is the conversation she held with her husband in which she ventilated her anger toward him for the very first time. An additional sign of progress was her growing ability to improvise freely and to feel good about it. Besides its other advantages, playing freely may sometimes impart on the improviser an elated feeling of happiness. Indeed, this linguistic connection in English (and in some other languages) between “playing” and “playing” a music instrument has great meaning. A smiling expression, which was uncommon for her, gradually began to appear on Naama’s face. A tiny light at the end of the obscure tunnel through which we walked together seemed to appear. It is significant to again emphasize that musical interaction in music therapy is perceived as analogous to life itself. I felt that Naama had gradually learned through the musical interaction that experiencing death, as difficult as it might be, was also a universal experience of life. One might develop personal meaning concerning life and death even when it seems as though life has lost its value and that we are imprisoned with the dead in their graves. Naama also began to understand that the worn-out term “coping” contains subterms such as adaptation, indulgence, giving, and the need to change life molds in order to establish psychological and spiritual independence. Mother-Son Music Therapy At a certain therapeutic moment, Naama brought her relationship with David, her youngest son, to therapy. She conveyed it verbally and described her guilt feelings and the minimal care she was able to provide him, “I expect him to understand my condition and most of the time to forget his young age and own needs.” During this conversation, we discussed a possibility she suggested, of mother-son music therapy. At that moment, it seemed a good suggestion and we decided to try it. This therapeutic process lasted until the conclusion of therapy and exposed many layers of pain and anger on both sides. By this time, David had already finished high school and had obtained a deferment from the army for the purpose of premilitary studies. I would like to present a few examples from this period and demonstrate the role music therapy played in this voyage: Togetherness. David entered the music therapy room with his mother, who informed him that he was allowed to freely explore the musical instruments. From this point on, I observed the two and the musical and extramusical interaction that transpired between them. David had no problem trying the drums, the bells, the wind, the string and selfmade instruments. At first, Naama just watched him without any interference, but at a certain moment she gently joined him. He was playing the lyre, and she added Japanese bells. In a moment of intermission, I requested permission to record their mutual creation, and they agreed. Naama and her son David spent the entire hour improvising without a directing subject, rules, or instructions. I did not see any reason to join in or to interfere. Relistening. Next session, I suggested listening to some parts of their improvisations from the previous week. They agreed and did so very carefully. I noted that David had good concentration qualities in addition to his creative freedom. Following the listening exposition, he declared, “It is fun but we have to practice a lot if we want to be together.” His mother responded, “Yes, you are right, but here in music therapy we are not provided with corrective instruction. We have to find our way together.” Improvisations: David and Naama improvised with musical instruments for an entire month. During this period, they showed no inclination to describe a situation, a feeling, a figure, etc. Neither did they use their voice musically, although it is the closest element to speech. On the other hand, the improvisations became more and more developed and clearly structured, with dynamical changes; at times, they were even divided into semichapters. It was amazing to see how a musical interaction could develop without planning or words. My role at that time was to let them be and work together in a way and through a modality foreign to them, to allow them to experience mutuality detached from everyday life. They occasionally asked for my help, mainly on technical matters, or requested that I replay their improvisations. Clinical Improvisations: After about a month, Naama told David that in her music therapy sessions she also experienced conversing, representing, describing her feelings, and more through improvisations. Coming from Naama (and not from the therapist), this was undoubtedly a turning point. Where would it lead them? Us? David suggested, “I like jazz and rock, you certainly prefer your classical music. Perhaps we can first represent ourselves through precomposed music?” Naama accepted this idea, and for several sessions they listened to their musical choices, after which they developed interesting conversations. They gradually began to request my involvement, and we entered a phase in which Naama and I improvised together on the piano and David and I played his material. I would play the piano and he the drums and other percussion instruments. This process did not bring David any closer to his mother’s preferences, but drew Naama closer to her son’s music and she joined in his playing, showing new interest. Where Has All Our Anger Gone? The final segment of music therapy with Naama and David was the longest and dealt with bitter feelings, anger, grieving for the deceased brother and father, and confronting mother-son emotions and each other, as difficult and painful as this was. The musical work they had invested in so far was very efficient in building a mutual relationship of confidence, and thus the ground was ripe for embarking on this new level. Once again, as in previous cases I have analyzed, patience was the key ingredient. In his chapter on dealing with anger and guilt, Parkes (1972) emphasizes the notion that “until the reality of the loss has been fully accepted, the greatest danger is the danger of the loss itself. The bereaved person still feels that the dead person is recoverable, and anything that brings home the loss is reacted to as a major threat. Relatives and friends who try to induce a widow to stop grieving before she is ready to do so, or even those who indicate that grief will pass, are surprised at her indignant response. It is as if they are obstructing the search for the one who is lost” (p. 80). I felt that since her mutual therapy with her son, Naama was on the verge of a better insight due to her revitalizing experiences and elicited more energy and acceptance. Developing insight mostly requires interference and guidance on the part of the therapist. With the therapist’s encouragement, Naama and David began to learn to express those parts in each of them that were silenced and distorted for a long time. Confrontation was necessary in order to begin an intra and inter dialogue. This therapeutic process was technically prompted through both musical and verbal conversations. At that point, they also began to employ musical vocality, which seemed uncomfortable to each of them. David was the first to realize that singing can increase the emotional possibilities of the vocal expression, as it holds many possibilities less exploited in speech: accentuation through many repetitions of one motive, rich emotional expression by using a wide vocal range, and more. Despite the embarrassment, the vocal dialogues they began to develop deepened the process of peeling away their protective layers of armor. David expressed his anger at his mother for investing all of her emotions in his deceased brother and later in his deceased father, though before her stood her surviving son, who was faced with overcoming a difficult period of matriculations, grieving, and mourning: “You barely asked me about my examinations, not to mention my feelings. You hardly ever cooked; you neglected every motherly function and walked around the house like a zombie.” Naama’s response was a cry that she was unable to end. A week later, she collected herself and said to David, “You were always the strongest in the family, stronger than your brother and father and surely stronger than me. I had the feeling that you did not need me, but it was also very convenient for me to think so, as I had no energy to invest or share.” At moments such as these, the therapist’s role was to facilitate a reassuring atmosphere, relating that the world continues to exist and that we do not come apart or dissolve when we discharge our conflicts with our beloved ones. The second step was to discuss the son-brother and husband-father deaths. It appeared that David had experienced many conflicts with his elder brother, but felt that he was not allowed to desecrate his mother’s memories or the memory of the dead. He missed his brother in an “unfinished business” dynamic and desperately needed to elaborate on the subject. I initially suggested working on it by representing the family members through musical instruments and voice. He first worked alone and later with his mother. Since his relationship with his father was very good, it was easier for David to express the immense anger toward his brother. I must admit that these recordings are among the most touching pieces I ever experienced in therapy. The more David and Naama externalized their emotions, the better they began to feel. Concerning Naama, her everyday functioning became nearly regularized, and the termination of music therapy painted the horizon. Music and Poetry. During this stage, singing became part of the sessions, including Israeli songs accompanied by the therapist. This soon led to the writing of poetry and sometimes to the composing of music to it. The latter process had many faces: Sometimes each of them wrote a poem with regard to him/herself without or with music; other times, Naama wrote a poem and David composed the melody or vice versa. Their style was very different, but the mutual feature was the discovery of a personal talent and artistic satisfaction. I would like to present the translation of Naama’s final poem, to which David composed accompanying music. We must of course take note of the fact that the translation from Hebrew to English changes the musical intonation of the text itself, but I tried to stay true to the original meaning: Death bit crudely at my heart Left me in my grave dead-alive Bless God for opening my eyes to beauty and to the sounds of music Bless God for a compassionate last moment of salvation Bless God for purifying my heart to feel the pain and to accept the joy Bless my life-friend for leaving me the sweet memories of the dead and the alive. Summary Sometimes we title a therapeutic process as though it were a musical form, such as a sonata, rondo, etc. In Naama’s case, I received the impression of a “fantasia form” due to the fact that we walked through endless curves, turned in all directions, experienced regression, and gradually felt new drops of life and insight. From the stage that Naama understood the urgent need to work through her relationship with her son David, the road turned from a stony, thorny path to a paved one. Music improvisation and receptive music therapy from time to time were the modalities that paved this road and the intra and inter mother-son relationship. Through this work, the relationship with the deceased became clearer, and Naama was able to open her heart to grief and bereavement without fearing the disintegration of her own personality. As mentioned in the introduction, Naama remarried two years after concluding music therapy. During this period, she dedicated time to the piano, which she had ceased to play upon concluding elementary school. She resumed lessons and spent time improvising. Her son, David, completed his studies and his army service (unharmed). It is essential to mention that the process of music therapy was concluded with the consent of both patients and therapist. It seemed like the right moment, though as Rosenheim (1990) says, “Sharpening the coping tools does not guarantee a ‘security certificate’ for resisting future pressures…” (p. 204). It does, however, increase the likelihood of coping better, with reduced anxiety, when encountering a new obstacle in life. Notes 1) Anetta (1903–1978) and Reuven Shari (1902–1989) were born in Russia. They were both among the compelled “numerous clauses” in their high school, which they finished “cum laude” at a very young age. Reuven studied further and became a young lawyer; Anetta studied dentistry and played the piano. The anti-Jewish pogroms, which had not ceased since 1821 (1859, 1881–1884, 1903–1906, 1917), left hundreds of thousands of Jews dead. In the 1917 Russian Revolution alone 250,000 civilian Jews died, many were wounded, and 2 million emigrated, mainly to America and partly to Israel (Rubinstein, Chon- Sherbok, Edelhei, & Rubinstein, 2002). Anetta and Reuven were young parents of their first baby daughter when they immigrated/escaped in 1925 to Israel. In the new country, they had to stop their intellectual activities and work like other pioneers in agriculture, in paving roads, in building Israel. In the forties, Reuven turned back to law and contributed intensively to the public life of Israel. In 1948, he became a member of the Knesset, head of civil service, and more. By decision, Anetta took responsibility for the home and the raising of her three daughters. This chapter is dedicated to my beloved parents, Anetta and Reuven Shari, who taught us the meaning of family, of work, of art, and of a motherland. 2) Comparing the grieving of mothers to that of fathers: Mothers display their grief more openly than fathers. There is less research concerning the grief of fathers, but in Israel they take on the role of the strong family member. It is important to remember that most of them served in the Israeli army and had experienced deathrelated situations as soldiers. They tend to be in more of a position of denial, their mourning period is shorter than that of the mothers, and they go back to work as soon as possible. On the other hand, there were several cases in Israel in which fathers (including some high officers) committed suicide at the grave of their soldierson. 3) Lukas Foss is a German-born composer who immigrated to America. In 1956, he began to work on improvisations with his students at UCLA, which led him to form the Improvisation Chamber Ensemble. They did a lot of aleatoric work and contributed important new concepts to art music. 4) Harold in Italy was ordered by Paganini in 1834 as a viola concerto for his Stradivarius instrument. Berlioz remained one year in Italy and adored the landscape. The composition, ready in 1835, was influenced by these images. Paganini was not satisfied with the results, as the viola role in this composition did not show enough prominence. Still, it presents a special intrinsic relationship between the orchestra and the viola. 5) Maurice Ravel (1875–1937) composed the Bolero for ballet based on the traditional Spanish form. It consists of a repetitive melody, a counter- melody, gradual crescendo, a large orchestra, and changes in instrumental texture with condensation towards the end. Therapeutically speaking, it has a stable frame, which includes the rhythmical pattern and the melodic line. Changes of orchestration and volume occur on this foundation. Based on my clinical experience, most patients feel good with this composition. There are those who need repetitions and others who can perceive the gradual changes and enjoy them. Some patients like to express this music in movement or graphically, imitate the rhythm, and more. While working with dance therapists, I instructed them to translate the Bolero’s musical components into movement. The videotaped results were very interesting, as we could observe unusual interactions between limbs, interesting choices of body parts to express the rhythm, difficulties in keeping the tempo solid while the dynamics changed, etc. References See End of Case Seven Taken from: Sekeles, C. (2007). Music Therapy: Death and Grief. Gilsum NH: Barcelona Publishers. CASE FIVE Bobby Laments his Grandfather: A Case Analysis1 Chava Sekeles “He was gone to the blue land where eagles are red, cows are green, children are black, and grandfathers lie deep in the purple earth.” (Bobby, nine years old) Dedicated to S. B.2 Introduction This case deals with Bobby, an eight-year-old child with severe behavior problems who was brought to music therapy by his parents based on the recommendation of a child psychiatrist. In spite of his problems, Bobby was cooperative from the first moment and demonstrated great love, talent, and creative power through music. He soon brought up many “burning topics” for therapy, among them the issue of his grandfather, who had passed away when Bobby was six years old. The subject of death had remained repressed for about two years and had placed the burden of unfinished business on young Bobby’s shoulders. Eventually, due to a conflict with the official educational authorities, the family decided to discontinue all therapies and schooling. Thus, many issues concerning their son were left unsolved. Music therapy with Bobby continued for about 18 months but never came to a closure, in spite of the fact that the parents perceived and accepted it as a less threatening modality. This is a case analysis, which seemed to be an unfinished symphony, a symphony with a promising beginning and an abrupt conclusion. Bobby was born after a full-term pregnancy. At the age of a few months, he began to show signs of uncontrolled rage and throw temper tantrums, first at home and later at the nursery and elementary school. The school psychologist highly recommended neurological and psychological examinations, but the family was opposed to the idea and denied any problems. Generally speaking, they showed a tendency to blame the system. The intake process may involve observations on spontaneous or guided music activities. As music engagement influences varied parts of our organism—motion, senses (and sensations), emotion, socialization, cognition, and the integration of parts or all of the abovementioned—it facilitates valuable observational modes. In Bobby’s case, I allowed him to freely examine the room and the equipment and intervened when necessary. Bobby immediately moved all over the room, examining the different musical instruments, initiating duets, different manners of playing, etc., as though he had been in music therapy for years. His musical expressions also included the description of different emotional situations, of which the first one was “splitting.” During the initial intake, splitting was represented by a war between two big-sized instruments: the drum and the cymbal. This interaction, which was solely played by the child, began in a chaotic way with fierce blows, broken rhythmical lines, and shouts. Gradually, from within, without any instructions or suggestions, the music became less chaotic, more patterned and softened. Within a short time, Bobby had dramatically progressed “from ecstasy to relaxation,” after which he said the following: “The good cymbal defeated the bad drum, but they won’t be friends, neither will they play together.” Before leaving, Bobby initiated an additional idea and improvised a song in which the words and music were of his own creation, accompanied on the spot by the therapist: THE WINNING CYMBAL “Yes, the cymbal won. It won over the bad and that is that!” (Your song is beautiful) “Many thanks.” (And your voice is pretty) “So are the flowers.” This song of praise was indeed sung softly, with a natural flow of a tonal melody in F major and in a beautiful clear voice. It was very difficult to gather from his singing that this was the child whom kids in school had nicknamed “the Devil.” On the contrary, one could sense the “Angel” within Bobby’s psyche. The splitting between bad and good that Bobby presented in his symbolic playing actually reflected his personality. In the music therapy clinic, he tended to show the Good Bobby, while in school and at home he attacked children and teachers with stones and knives. Thus the intake- observational session, which became the first therapeutic hour, concluded with the song that described the content of the events. Therapeutic Considerations The reports I received from the school and the psychiatrist drew a picture of a very troubled child: Due to conflicts with the educational system, Bobby’s parents had moved him as a young child from one nursery school to another. This situation made it very difficult to develop ongoing bonds, and, indeed, Bobby was a friendless child who suffered from loneliness. In addition, he failed in coping with academic requirements. He was not able to concentrate, and although his intelligence was found to be normal, at the age of eight he could not read, write, or calculate. He endangered his surroundings with his aggressive behavior, was on the edge of being removed from school, and was referred to special education. In public elementary school, the child was diagnosed as having: • • • • • • • Organically Based Development Disorder Impulsive-unpredictable behavior Uncontrolled anger Overwhelming fantasies and anxiety Impaired reality judgment Unstable-intense interpersonal relationship Low self-image • • • • Underachievement in school No learning disabilities Poor verbal communication Normal motor development Splitting. The splitting mechanism was presented in our first meeting and appeared again several times during the 18 months of music therapy. Splitting was defined by Freud (1938) as “The two contrary reactions to the conflict persist as the centerpoint of a split in the ego” (p. 372). Laplanche and Portalis (1985) defined this term as, “The coexistence at the heart of the ego of two psychical attitudes toward external reality insofar as this stands in the way of an instinctual demand. The first of these attitudes takes reality into consideration, while the second disavows it and replaces it by a product of desire” (p. 427). Melanie Klein (1989) described splitting as the most primitive kind of defense mechanism against anxiety. According to her, it may involve the object and the ego. In the course of normal development, the child learns to integrate the good and the bad object. In cases where splitting and disintegration occur frequently, the child is liable to develop emotional problems (as in Bobby’s case) and in the future have relationship problems and exhibit obscure judgment concerning intimacy (Siegel & Spellman, 2002). As for the tantrums mentioned, in her 83rd session of a child analysis, Klein writes, “I believe that tantrums always contain despair as well, because while the rage and attacks go on, the child feels that he is more and more irreparably destroying the loved person, particularly his internalized one” (p. 423). As mentioned, different expressions of splitting emerged throughout the two years of music therapy, but at this initial stage I asked myself whether symbolizing the splitting through music could serve as a preliminary step for elaboration. All of this already arising as part of the intake process gave me some hope. Family Secrets Mutism. Bobby’s parents brought him regularly to music therapy, probably because they felt less threatened by this modality, but also because they understood that Bobby’s love for music might serve as a channel for a more normalized expression. Indeed, this was true for most of the sessions, but at times Bobby was extremely disturbed by the fact that his parents demanded he conceal information from the schoolteacher, from the music therapist, and from others. This dual loyalty, which deepened the existing splitting, confused Bobby to the point of temporary mutism, as seen in the following examples. Bobby came to therapy, sat near the door in an embryo posture, and did not utter a word. I decided to sit on the carpet with my guitar, singing, describing and reflecting to him what he was doing and how difficult it must be to keep silent. It took half an hour before Bobby showed any reaction. He very slowly progressed on his bottom, came nearby and showed signs of visual communication. At that moment, I composed a little song into which we would be able to cast our own words. The melody served as a basic container, and I began to sing. After one verse, Bobby joined in, and it became an improvised continuation of changing roles. From the words that sprang forth, I could deduce that he was not allowed to tell about a certain event that had occurred at home. When the session ended, Bobby was relaxed, said good-bye quietly, and departed. From the moment Bobby began to react, the verbal improvisation was: T. Your leg is moving slowly; moving to the rhythm of the music. Your mouth is strictly closed. It is very difficult to keep mute. It is very difficult to stop singing. B. Mmmmm, strictly closed … (I encourage him by the same humming voices, and he begins to sing) B. One day Bobby was numb and very sad. He could not tell why he had to keep his mouth shut and he wanted only music for his heart. T. I’ll sing a song for you, Bobby, I’ll sing for your sad heart and try to help it. B. I cannot tell why I am shutting my words in the prison. It is a secret, a little secret, and it can be dangerous to tell it. T. It is allowed to keep secrets. You have the right not to tell. B. But I’ll tell it to my bear, I’ll only share it with my bear, and I try to be musical. T. And you are very successful in being musical. B. You are right. T. It is a good feeling to succeed. B. It is a good feeling that you are successful. So I’ll stay here till midnight. There was no question about several issues concerning these family secrets: Bobby was under intense pressure. The parents, who resisted consultation, were damaging the child by their demands. The child chose to solve the conflict by “shutting himself up,” hoarding loads of sadness and aggressiveness. Bergman and Cohen (1994) explain that each family has unwritten rules that supervise the inner and external stream of information. The demand on the child to keep secrets, and the denial of the family concerning the danger in doing so, places a burden on the child’s mind and heart. The results may surface in pathological behavior (aggressive or passive). In Bobby’s case, though the diagnosis was based on organic development, this factor certainly added psychological undertones to the general picture. While playing for Bobby during his muteness, I recalled the Moroccan medicine man that visits the patient’s house and plays on his rita (Moroccan oboe) different ariah (short “amulet” melodies), in order to find the Jin (devil) that caused the malady, and through it to cure the patient (Sekeles, 1996/1997). The search for the right melody and words require of the healer intense focus on the patient and the need to remain calm and not elicit extra pressure. In a way, all of these originate from the same therapeutic category. Added to this is the fact that the melody was repetitive and somehow acted as a “melodic amulet.” It also occurred to me that in the Hebrew language, mutism = elem, and violence = alimut--both are derived from the same grammatical root. Indeed, both situations may represent the extreme manifestations of the same origin. In his everyday life, Bobby mainly employed violence and at times mutism. In music therapy, he used only organized violence, namely through his improvised songs and his drumming. During the elaboration process, it had become obvious that Bobby had aggressive fantasies toward himself as well as toward his parents. When anger and violence were channeled into the physical action of drumming, he was able to achieve better organization and sublimation. Lamentations Bobby’s grandfather, with whom he had had a warm relationship, had passed away. Unfortunately, his death had been kept in the domain of family secrets and was neither discussed at home nor explained to his grandchild. This was another stress factor that kept Bobby from overcoming his problems and ventilating his overflooded head and heart. This burden was revealed in music therapy through several cases of improvised lamentations: 1) Bobby entered the room, took a soprano recorder, sat on the carpet, opened it, began to move forward and backward as in a Jewish prayer, put a tiny doll inside the recorder, closed it, and sang in an incantation prayer style: “Saba (Grandpa) was sick and died. Saba was never buried. He probably disappeared into the air. No, he went away to the blue land where eagles are red, cows are green, children are black, and grandfathers lie deep in the purple earth.” 2) During another session, Bobby took a Chinese box, wrapped it in a piece of cotton, placed it beneath the huge timpani, and improvised a drumming ceremony for the dead. His drumming was harsh but rhythmically well organized, and its grave spirit was reminiscent of a funeral march. 3) Bobby took a black piece of paper and a white color. He filled the entire space with tiny white figures in different directions and postures. After finishing his painting, he folded it into a thin scroll, placed it inside the piano, and said: “Now you’ll play for my grandpa because he loves music so much, and I’ll sing for him.” I improvised a semi-lullaby melody and Bobby immediately joined in with the following words: “Relax, Grandpa, I am guarding you. You disappeared, but nobody told me you had died. I know you are dead. I know because you were my best friend. Relax. Grandpa, I won’t tell your secret.” Therapeutic Considerations. To the domain of family secrets was now added the blurring of grandfather’s death and its denial by the parents in their son’s presence.They never discussed the grandfather’s death with Bobby and were certain that he did not possess the ability to understand the meaning of death and that it would accentuate his fear and anxiety with regard to the topic. Many parents, specifically those of older generations, shared the idea that the facts of death might damage their young children, as they (the parents) did not possess the psychological tools to cope with this issue. In a way, it was treated as taboo, similar to the subject of sex. In his research, Kastenbaum (1974) reported that in answering a questionnaire he distributed, more than three-fourths of the participants shared the opinion that children “are better off not thinking of death and should be protected from death-relevant situations by their parents” (p. 12). Smilansky (1981) suggested the following points in adult support for grieving children: • Relaying the facts in a language suiting the child’s development. • • • • • • Easing the grief by “being with” the children. Emotional and cognitive elaboration on the facts and adaptation of a new reality. Constructing a new reality. Discussing the dead person and letting the child express his feelings toward the dead. Showing understanding of the child’s wishes. Alleviating future worries (p. 94). In Bobby’s life, none of the aforementioned was done, and he probably experienced many black, frightening holes in his inner and outer existence. Creating symbolic rituals concerning death and playing with it through varied artistic variations and modalities were the first signs of grieving for his grandfather and a proper entry through the gate of elaboration work. It is important to remember that Bobby initiated all this by himself, most likely when he felt accepted and able to trust the therapist. Bobby’s parents used denial and resistance as defense mechanisms and were unable to supply their son with “holding” and safety. Superficially, the family maintained a normal façade. However, sometimes a thick layer of frustration and anger burst through. The role of grandparents in family life is discussed in literature, including that of grandparents to children with physical disability. On the other hand, the loss of grandparents is seldom mentioned or dealt with in depth. In practice, we may observe many children for whom the grandparent held the role of a holding figure, facilitating the unconditional love of a supporter. This occurs specifically when the parents have difficulties filling these roles, endangering the child to the point of becoming a “child at risk.” At present, grandfathers (like fathers) have assumed new roles that encompass nurturing, affection, being playful companions, and acting as a listening ear rather than being an authoritarian figure as used to be the case in the past (Anderson, Tunaley, & Walker, 2000). Bobby sensed and remembered his grandfather as a friend, as a fun-loving person and as a play partner.3 The silence surrounding his disappearance and the fact that he never had the chance to mourn for him created a heavy burden on his tiny shoulders. In the music therapy room, he could for the first time access his grief, act it out, and work through it. After creating several mourning rituals as described above, Bobby was ready to talk straightforwardly about death. I requested of the parents to take him to the cemetery but received a negative reaction mixed with anger, due to the fact that the child dared to deal with such a subject in the music room. I realized that the parents did not yet accept the role of music as a therapeutic tool and that the several meetings I had had with them had not served to accomplish the intentioned results. Bobby worked for more than half a year on the death of his grandfather, the anxiety he felt, his loneliness, and his desire to be less aggressive in school. He composed songs, used the theater dolls to tell his invented stories, and along the way began to use writing in order to put the recorded songs on paper. Bobby was not compelled by me to do so, and this occurred spontaneously. I sensed that he might be proud of the fact that I was keeping all of his creations (musical recordings, written songs, paintings) in a special file and that he could look at it from time to time. He was a clever boy not with learning disabilities but rather with emotional obstacles, prone to attacks of rage that prevented him from developing normally. Nevertheless, when he was contented, he discovered his natural abilities, and his musical success aided him in his progress in general academic studies. More Splitting As aforementioned, Bobby portrayed the issue of splitting through different modalities. The following examples show how he imagined himself through the pictures he painted with the aid of music of his choice: THE BAD ME This was his first self-portrait, done with a black felt pen. He went over the eyes again and again, blackening them as much as possible. He drew the nose in the shape of a penis and the mouth possibly like a vulva and explained: “This is the Bad Me.” A week later, he again drew a self-portrait and explained: “Me, the Wrecker. My eyes are shooting laser beams, my nose is sending a rocket, and fire shoots out of my mouth.” ME, THE WRECKER Four months later, after intensive work elaborating on the subject of self- image, a new image emerged: “The Good Me.” In this painting, we see a crowned king dressed in bright colors. Indeed, Bobby’s self-image had begun to change. At the same time, his behavior in school improved and became less aggressive. His parents were more cooperative, though still very suspicious, and Bobby began to talk openly about his topsy-turvy world, his loneliness, the unpredictability in his life, his immense longing for his grandfather figure and more. At that time, he composed a song on his topsy-turvy world and painted the following: THE GOOD ME The next painting was completed when he listened to “The Golden Voyage,” mainly composed of birds’ singing and the sound of waterfalls. It was of mother eagle flying in the air carrying her two babies on her back. Bobby clarified: “The picture is from the land of scribbles and dreams. The two babies and their mother are flying through the air, never able to descend to earth. At worst, if the chicks are tired, they can rest on their mother’s back—that is, if she agrees to slow down a bit.” With these words, Bobby expressed several things: his wish to descend to a safe place, to live downto-earth, and his difficulty with his mother’s unpredictability. The eagle is known as a strong, large bird. The little babies are very small, and there is a third one that looks as though he had fallen or remained alone in the high sky. The music played throughout seemed to facilitate a safe atmosphere and may have helped Bobby control his frightening fantasies. Bobby was now at a stage where he was ready to speak about his problems, though he needed a lot more time and work to become stabilized and to bring the extremities of his emotional world closer together. MOTHER EAGLE EPILOGUE Due to a decision made by the educational authorities to involve the Child Psychological Service in Bobby’s academic future, the family decided to sever all contacts, perhaps due to their fear of the suggested special education framework. In music therapy, I was given one hour for this sudden departure, throughout which the child was crying most of the time. It was nearly impossible to inject a word. I was simply there with Bobby. Miri, the child from chapter 1, was lucky to have a mature father and the positive involvement of grandparents. These aspects had helped her to use music therapy in an efficient way. Bloom (1964), Anastasiow (1985), and Erez (1993) consider the parental maturity essential for enhancing the development of children at risk and comment that maturity is not directly related to the adult’s age, intelligence, or socioeconomic status. Bobby’s parents held academic professions and had their own perspectives on life and health. The minute someone tried to guide them or to suggest a different approach, they felt threatened. Stein and Avidan (1992), in their analysis of Unconscious Efforts of Parents to Preserve the Psychopathology of their Offspring, found in such families the following features: • • • • • Extreme rigidity Enmeshment within the family Inability to solve conflicts and diminish the level of emotionality Polarity between the parents Highly expressed emotions of hostility toward the system These points are quite adequate for the case at hand. On the whole, in spite of the difficulties Bobby had in the course of his development, he succeeded in expressing and elaborating on his splitting and ambivalent feelings through art and verbal means. He was able to drum out his anger and progressed from extreme violence to a soft, gentle creativity. In some of his songs, he even revealed a sense of humor, being able to make jokes about himself. But he was not granted enough time to conclude the process and was not given the chance to overcome his behavioral problems the way he wished to, as he had expressed in the following song: This is what I like to do in class: To mess around, to bother everyone, to break the teacher’s head. That’s the “bad me,” but there is also a “good me.” Sometimes the “bad me” beats the “good me.” Sometimes the “good me” beats the “bad me.” One day, the “bad me” is going to explode. It will explode like a volcano, and its buttocks will be blown up like a balloon, and the “good me” will be left alone. He’ll be calm, he’ll be calm. Notes 1) This case analysis is based on a short version that was published under a different name and accentuation in the Niewsbrief B.M.T. (Tweede Jaargang, Editie Mei, 2000, pp. 18– 26.) 2) S. B. immigrated to Israel from Italy in the forties as an adolescent, leaving his family abroad. He finished high school and graduated as a sculptor from the academy of art. In addition to his studies and creative work, he used to volunteer and successfully aid children in his neighborhood who suffered from behavior disturbances. In his midtwenties, he fell ill with brain cancer that could not be operated on or cured. Within a few months, his condition deteriorated and he passed away. This chapter is dedicated to him, to his artistic energy, and to his wonderful model of investment in children. 3) A few examples from my clinical work concerning the meaning of grandparents to children: O. U. was born as a Down’s syndrome child and was in music therapy throughout his entire childhood. At a certain point, he decided to learn to play the piano and was very decisive about it. He recently said to me: “Do you know why I must play the piano and be very diligent? Because my grandma who died and whom I loved very much was a piano teacher and I want to follow her footsteps. This is why.” D. I., a 12year-old girl whose grandfather had died of cancer, told me the following: “When my grandpa was sick in bed, I came to visit him every day. I kissed him and prayed to God to help him die without pain because he was my best friend and we all loved him very much. It helped because he had a kiss death.” (A “kiss death” in Hebrew means a death without suffering: the death of a holy person.) References See end of Case Seven Taken from: Sekeles, C. (2007). Music Therapy: Death and Grief. Gilsum NH: Barcelona Publishers. CASE SIX Mother, the White Dove: A Case Analysis Chava Sekeles “I tell you, Mother. I feel sad, but cannot cry. I feel angry, but cannot scream. I am rotten, but I cannot purify myself. I am doomed.” (Jonas, 12th session) Dedicated to Reuven Morgan1 Introduction The case “Mother, the White Dove” describes and analyzes Jonas, a young man in his early twenties, whose mother died of cancer following a long period of sickness. Jonas was diagnosed as suffering from Borderline Personality Disorder2 and resisted verbal therapy. He agreed to participate in music therapy, assuming that he might circumvent speech and have fun. As art therapists, terms and idioms from the art itself frequently accompany our observations and therapeutic considerations, such as a Sonata Form or, in the present case, an Expressionistic Style. Jonas used “expressionistic” symbolism prompted by music and other modalities that ultimately helped him cope with the shadows of the past. Before proceeding with the actual case study, I will provide some background on the concept of expressionistic symbolism, which constituted an integral part of the therapeutic process. This concept is intended to highlight a form of expression frequently observed in music therapy: externalization of emotionally loaded issues through broad dynamics, accelerated tempo, and dense tones sounds, which are analogous to expressionistic visual art. What Is Expressionism? In general, “expressionism” is a creative style in different cultures, which accentuates, maximizes, and distorts reality in order to highlight the symbolic or intrinsic meaning of an object, e.g., grotesque masks used by Native North Americans for healing rituals or war. The features of these masks were maximized, often to the point of frightening distortions that were meant to ward away evil spirits. This was in light of the magical-tribal thinking that “like acts on like” (Avneyon, 2005). Specifically, expressionism refers to a Western artistic movement (1863– 1944) that aimed to highlight the emotional meaning hidden in an external representation, i.e., to express the outer world through the subjective view of the artist (Gombrich, 1971; Laurent, 2004). Alexey von Javlensky wrote in Der Blaue Reiter that the expressionist artist expresses only what he has within himself, not what he sees with his eyes (Javlensky, 1948). The following characteristics typify expressionistic art: intense colors that are not necessarily natural, dense textures, sharp transitions, and distortions. On the whole, expressionism tended to describe the ugly, embarrassing, grotesque, and painful. Emil Nolde expressed his feelings concerning the classical techniques in the following way, “Conscientious and exact imitation of nature does not create a work of art.” (Chipp, 1971, p. 146) An excellent example of this style was found in an exhibition entitled “A Psychoanalytic Portrait,” by the Czech artist Kokoschka. The exhibition, held in Vienna in 1908, presented a character portrait that highlighted eye expressions and hand structures. This is the antithesis of traditional art, which typically attempts to idealize reality. The expressionist movement has often been stigmatized as representing decadence; the Nazis went so far as to ban it and persecute expressionist artists. Adolph Hitler said that anybody who painted and saw a green sky and blue pastures ought to be sterilized (Chipp, 1971). The term “expressionism” has been metaphorically adapted from the visual arts to the context of music. Expressionistic music is written in a deeply subjective and introspective style. The most renowned expressionistic musical compositions are Schönberg’s Verklärte Nacht and Pierrot Lunaire, as well as Berg’s operas Lulu and Wozzeck (Austin, 1966; Griffiths, 1986). Why use the term “expressionism” in relation to Jonas? I will attempt to clarify the answer. Intake Jonas provided the following information about himself during our first meeting: He was born and raised in a village. When he was 11 years old, his mother was diagnosed with cancer. She stayed in the small family home for four years until she died of her illness. Jonas dropped out of high school and was discharged prematurely from the army on account of unsuitability. He began music therapy because he found it difficult to cooperate in the process of verbal psychotherapy. As he put it, he was willing to make a serious effort to work on his difficulties so long as he would not be forced to talk. During the intake session, he expressed pity for his father, pent-up anger toward his mother, and self-accusation and anger combined with a low self-image. That was the extent of the information he verbally conveyed regarding himself. It should be mentioned that Jonas had never experienced music therapy, nor had he been exposed to music or to other artistic modalities, with the exception of visual arts. Subsequent to listening to his playing during the intake session, I noted and concluded the following: 1) Jonas (on the right side of the piano) played a duet with me (on the left side of the piano). Jonas had a virginal style, as he had never had formal piano lessons. He increased the volume, tempo, and intensity of the music as he limited his playing to the upper register of the keyboard. His piano playing was restricted, repetitive,3 and fast. I supported him on the bass register, and the musical character he established was undoubtedly expressionistic. 2) Jonas beat the drum as I accompanied him on the piano. I again noted the rapid, animated tempo. The beating was not persistent, strong, or steady. It reminded me more of a pot that is about to boil over and burst. Indeed, when Jonas listened to a recording of the two passages, he commented: “I know I have a lot of pent-up wrath. I can hear it in my music. But I also hear that I cannot express intense emotion and I cannot cry.” Therapeutic Rationale I perceived Jonas as a sad, angry, and confused young man. During the four years of his mother's illness, he lived with his family in crowded, intimate quarters. At the same time, he never conversed openly with the additional members of his family, since he was brought up in an inhibited atmosphere and his mother's illness had always been considered a deep secret. Jonas's impressions of his mother were extremely vivid. He described her in the following manner: [She was] domineering, harsh, oppressive. [She would] lie there in the room and let me irritate everyone. [She let me be] a nuisance and a troublemaker. On the other hand, he described his father as helpless and passive. He had devoted himself to his work and had found it difficult to express feelings toward his children. I noticed that the musical activity gave Jonas a sense of comfort and detected a smile on his face when he engaged in the new experience of “speaking” through music. My assumption was that the musical expression in itself would suffice in the initial stages of therapy and that Jonas would benefit from experiencing music as an expressive language. Accordingly, in the first stages of therapy, my main goals were to help Jonas express himself, to allow him to develop trust in me, and to encourage him to employ music as a therapeutic language. Therapeutic Process Representations (First Three Months of Music Therapy) Jonas used two instruments to carry on a conversation with his deceased mother. He chose a piano to represent his mother and a dulcimer to represent himself, “because I am weak and gentle and she is strong and domineering.” In this musical dialogue, Jonas demonstrated his symbolic ability through his use of the instruments and particularly through his choice of the dulcimer to represent himself: He played gently but with confidence, showing that he had something to say. The dialogue was quite lengthy (30 minutes). After listening to the recording, Jonas made the following observation: I made a real effort to tell her how angry I am at her, how she stopped being a mother and stopped caring about her children, how long I have been angry at her, and how afraid I am to be angry at the dead. The verbal elaboration of this material dealt with the difficulty of harboring ambivalent feelings (e.g., love-hate) toward one’s mother, and how Jonas had suffered while his mother was ill and after she had died and his need to express those intense feelings, a need that he had still found difficult to satisfy. In the following session, we replayed the musical dialogue and verbal summary. After listening again to the musical dialogue with his mother, Jonas jotted down the following comments: I tell you, Mother. I feel sad, but cannot cry. I feel angry, but cannot scream. I am rotten, but I cannot purify myself. I am doomed. I want to play to the end, to undo everything that has been distorted, to undo all those years of decay, hallucinations, escape. Let me be free. The piano is resolute, painful and violent. The string [of the dulcimer] is angry, wipes its tears away, and goes on. It is handsome, strong, determined and human. This emotional material and the confrontation of his mother repeated themselves throughout several sessions with mild variations. As aforementioned, in this process of dealing with unfinished business between Jonas and his deceased mother, the piano represented his mother and the dulcimer represented Jonas himself. Jonas's comments (quoted above) gave me the impression that he had begun to see a new dawn. Breathing and Vocality (Fifth Month of Therapy) The feeling of filth and decay that Jonas had verbally described and portrayed through music was so strong that I suggested he work on breathing. This suggestion was based on my knowledge of the profound changes such work can bring about in a person’s physical state (which might generate changes in one’s state of mind). Jonas accepted the idea, and we began working intensively on vocality and movement, which are usually elicited by breathing. The following poem was the product of exercises that focused on full diaphragm breathing combined with movement: The wind blows through the leaves and I am crying there in the rain. All I want is to lie on the cold sidewalk to let the drops mix with my tears and cry there, to flow with the water and scream at the top of my lungs, to let air into my body and be there with it. All of the excrement and rot is being washed to the sea, all of it is comes out until I turn yellowish-green. I stay there, squeezed out like a lemon, and I can start anew, I can start living like a human being. I just don't want the filth, that’s all. I will cry to the end, I will strike a blow and don’t care if I die from it. The Process of Transition from One Artistic Modality to another (Seventh Month of Therapy) At the beginning of the session, I intentionally played ecstatic music from the Atlas Mountains, which inspired Jonas to draw a self-portrait: SELF-PORTRAIT When he finished, he explained: “I drew myself and showed how all of my feelings are tearing my face apart.” In relation to this, I would like to mention that the following was written in the manifesto of the expressionist Die Brücke movement: “Throw fire on the crust and make it molten, liquid, until its meaning emerges from the inside [core] and breaks through its grieving crust” (Javlensky, 1948). This is the feeling that emerges when one looks at Jonas’s self-portrait. I suggested that Jonas continue working on the portrait by vocalizing it. He did so while turning his back to me and placing the painting in front of him. He began with faint humming and built up to a scream. When the recording was replayed, Jonas commented, “I am singing about the naughty boy inside me. [I am singing] about how I hate you for bringing me into this world, about my social isolation, about the dirt that has stuck to me, about my desire to purify myself and be born again or else die.” The more Jonas began to trust me as his therapist, the more he began to express fatalistic thoughts and exhibit self-destructive tendencies. I was on guard, and when I sensed that Jonas was in danger, I sought counsel with a professional psychiatrist (in accordance with the code of professional ethics of the Israeli Association of Creative and Expressive Therapies). 4 Guided Imagery in Music (GIM) (Ninth Month of Therapy) Jonas was very agitated upon his arrival at the session following a harsh and candid discussion with his father. His father had found it difficult to accept the things that Jonas had said to him. Jonas, however, felt that this was the first time he had actually told his father what he thought of him and his deceased mother and of the difficulty that he and his father had in communicating with each other. The father had become very frightened and asked to meet with me because he attributed the son’s outburst to the therapeutic process. I requested Jonas’s permission to meet with his father, and he expressed his consent through the following comment, “I will make everyone dirty so that I can finally cleanse myself.” My individual meeting with Jonas’s father was extremely beneficial for all parties involved in the therapeutic process. I observed that his father was at a loss: He wanted to help his son but didn’t know how. He was willing to participate in the therapy sessions with his son. Nonetheless, I explained to him that this would not be feasible and suggested that he seek separate psychotherapy. The father told me of the trauma the family had endured during the four years of his wife’s illness and mentioned that this had been the first time he had discussed his feelings regarding it. In the sessions with Jonas, the topic of death was constantly discussed. He confided that he had contemplated suicide about a year before his mother had died, but that the forces of life had prevailed. In his words, “Today I want to calm down, and I am asking you to help me do it.” For this purpose, I chose guided imagery, which included breathing exercises to music (involving tension and relaxation movements). I chose a composition written by the Israeli poet Zelda just before her death, adapted by singer Adi Etzion and composer Yehoshua BenYehoshua. The passage is intense and highly expressive. In this respect, it is completely different from the “New Age Music” or meditation passages commonly used by therapists today. This composition actually highly corresponded with Jonas’s expressionistic creations. During the elaboration process following the listening phase, Jonas said: I saw a bird—a raven—flying against a background of mountains, rivers, and cliffs, perhaps like the view one sees from this window. And I heard birds chirping. The raven did not care about the other birds and preferred to be on his own: independent. I also saw a white dove looking down from the sky. She looked very strange, as though she were half-dead. Then, suddenly, the raven saw blood and understood that it was his own. At once I was there. I observed the scene from the side. Then the raven fell to the ground and I dug into the earth, into the blood and gore. Jonas later arrived at the conclusion that he was the raven and that the blood was the filth he felt inside, while the white dove was the spirit of his deceased mother looking down on him and observing his every motion. I asked Jonas if he would like to actualize the dream in music and he consented. He chose the drum to represent himself (preferring a powerful instrument for himself for the first time), the dove was represented by an autoharp, and the landscape was represented by a variety of percussion instruments. At his request, I played the mother and the landscape, while he focused on expressing himself. Childhood Memories Jonas was very calm throughout the next session. He told me that he had done much contemplating during the week and that many childhood memories had revisited him. For example: My mother shut me in the house and made me sit in front of a glass of milk. “Don't move until you drink all of your milk” [she had said]. I sat there for hours and didn't drink a drop. My mother yelled at me [and said] that I was always dirty and she wiped me against my will. I remember when I was six years old and flew like a bird on the slopes to the school It was a real experience in flying. … I hate milk, with something that smells like a turpentine or gasoline. I believed I was really dirty. In elementary school, I always felt I was abnormal, retarded, even though I always did my schoolwork well. I liked to play a kind of roulette: I burned weeds and even burned my room. Now I think I played the part of the bad, disturbed boy, a label I had been given by my family. Jonas mentioned that these childhood recollections, which had escaped his memory for several years, had brought him relief and encouraged him to make decisions concerning his life. Since this session did not involve any musical activities, it took place in the area of the therapy room that was mainly reserved for verbal discussions. I would like to note that verbal communication, which Jonas had been so adamantly opposed to during the intake session, was an integral aspect of the therapeutic process, particularly during the phases of elaboration. The verbal communication was prompted by the experiential musical activities. Furthermore, if we carefully take note of his memories, it appears as though Jonas had already experienced problems in his childhood and that his mother’s illness had simply been the spark that had set the bramble field on fire. To Sing and Cry: Vocal Expressionism (One Year of Therapy) There is nothing like the voice to reflect the emotional turmoil, pain, cracks, and venomous snakes inside us. Two examples from Jonas’s vocal period were meaningful. Both were revealing and embarrassing and continued for over 15 minutes. The first example is a vocal improvisation of a repetitive harmonic sequence provided by the music therapist: C – Em – F – C / C – Em – F – E7 / Am – Em – F – C / Dm – D7 –G // Jonas improvised freely without words on this “holding” frame. His improvisation began with a soft, timid voice and developed into a “sky- piercing cry.” As a therapist, I found some of the moments in which I persisted with the harmonic frame extremely difficult in their expressionistic revelation. It was as though the patient were ripping open his stomach and revealing its contents. It should be mentioned that after maintaining the repetitive harmonic sequence for five minutes, I was able to develop the musical content and follow the dynamical changes imparted in Jonas’s vocality. These musical changes and developments helped us endure the 15-minute process. The second example is a vocal improvisation of his to which he gradually added words while the music therapist followed his voice and the words with the piano. I noted the change of registers in Jonas’s voice, the free vocality and highly expressive text that recapitulated the motifs elicited in previous sessions: “I am walking over an abyss of fear…I am running…I am hitting…I am tearing …” A Lullaby of Conciliation (Conclusion of Therapy) From this phase, I would like to bring an example of conciliation that Jonas initiated.5 It was a vocal a cappella improvisation in which Jonas very softly sang to his mother in a lullaby style. At a certain moment, he asked me to be the mother and join him in his singing. It thus became a duet in which each participant had an independent polyphonic role. Both from a musical point of view and in a psychological aspect, this improvisation was new and very touching and summarized a period. Summary The process described above was not completed. Unfortunately, due to technical reasons, we could not really conclude the course of therapy. This case leaves off at the point where Jonas could openly express himself. His relationship with his father had improved considerably. At the same time, he had wrapped up some of his “unfinished business” with his mother to the point where he was able to continue working on some of the emotionally loaded issues more maturely than before. In terms of practical- rehabilitative outcomes, he had changed his lifestyle and made a brave decision to leave home, where he had been stifled in many ways. This presented him with the opportunity to cope with the real world, which had frightened him so terribly in the past. As I see it, the main contribution of music therapy was to enable Jonas to express himself through “primary communication” (Noy, 1999, Ch.1), a language that touched the bare roots of his soul long before he could employ verbal expression and gain better insight. Nevertheless, verbal elaboration was an essential aspect of therapy that was accomplished in different ways: through face-to-face conversation, verbal associations elicited by music, poetry writing, and translation of his own musical creations into words and vice versa. Notes 1) Reuven Morgan was born in Wales, became a renowned actor and theater director, and performed in the Shakespearean theater in England. He emigrated to Israel in the early sixties and worked for Israeli Broadcasting (Kol Israel). Morgan was the first teacher of the drama school of the radio, directing programs, translating, writing, narrating English literature, and more. Reuven Morgan invested many hours in my 1996 book, Music: Motion and Emotion, of which he translated three chapters. He died of cancer a few months later and was buried in the Christian Cemetery in the German Colony in Jerusalem. I dedicate this chapter to Reuven Morgan, who illuminated my world with his theatrical and linguistic knowledge. 2) Borderline Personality Disorder: “A personality disorder characterized by a pervasive pattern of impulsivity and unstable personal relationship, self-image, and affect. Beginning in early childhood …” (Colman, 2001, p. 99). 3) Repetitive style in music has varied meaning. It might symbolize avoidance of free expression due to deep anxiety and low self-esteem. Repetitions may thereby function as a calming defense mechanism and, when employed by the therapist, may serve as a holding and containing frame (Sekeles, 1996, p. 37). 4) ICET, The Israeli Association of Creative and Expressive Therapies, is an umbrella association to all art therapies in Israel (dance and movement, music, visual arts, drama, psychodrama, and bibliotherapy). Established in 1971, it has three branches and holds yearly study days, seminars, workshops, and conferences. 5) A cappella means singing without instrumental accompaniment: a pure vocal performance. In the aforementioned case, it developed into two melodic lines sung in a counterpoint style, symbolizing the child Jonas and his deceased mother. References See End of Case Seven Taken from: Sekeles, C. (2007). Music Therapy: Death and Grief. Gilsum NH: Barcelona Publishers. CASE SEVEN The Grief of the Therapist over Patients Who Passed Away Chava Sekeles “Do not boast thyself of tomorrow; for thou knowst not what a day may bring forth” (Proverbs 27:1) Dedicated to the music therapy patients who passed away Introduction I discussed the content of this case with students and colleagues at length. As a result, I decided to conclude my book in a personal manner, based on my own experience in the field of music therapy. Most music therapists have lost patients during the course of their clinical work. Sometimes during the therapeutic process; sometimes, as in the case of a terminal patient, at the expected termination of therapy or sometimes, years after therapy has ended. Many of my music therapy students at The David Yellin College in Jerusalem completed their internships in institutions where death was a common phenomenon and had to cope with the loss. Individual and group supervision may help in such cases, and, indeed, it is important to invest time and effort in dealing with loss during the course of studies. Every so often, a student would return from an internship and tell us that no one had bothered to inform him of the death of a patient. He would find himself standing in front of an empty bed, not knowing what to do. In other cases, the name of the patient (mostly with children) would not be erased from the activities board for months, with the topic not even being discussed with the other children. When a child disappears in an institute of severely sick children, it may cause more severe anxiety than when honest information is provided in a manner suitable to the child’s cognitive and emotional level of development. Students would raise questions such as: Should I attend the funeral? Should I visit the family during the Shiva (the first seven days of mourning in Judaism)? Such questions open the gate to important discussions regarding the therapist-patient relationship; emotions that arise with the death of a patient; the difference between therapy in an institution and therapy in a private setting; and what is to be done with the emotions? What are these emotions? Are they simply sadness, or are they also pain and insult relating to the therapeutic investment and the facing of loss? As far as I have observed, these and other questions concern not only students but also each of us music therapists when losing a patient. It took me ten years to collect the raw material for this book, analyze it, review the recordings, and more. This lengthy period was necessary given that it deals with the enigma of death and the loss suffered by the patients, but also because it brought me back time and again to my personal experiences of losing patients as well as to the cardinal question of what the differences are between the loss of a patient and the loss of a family member or a dear friend. I am not certain I have the right answers, but since this matter deals with varied professional and personal issues, I would like to at least explore it within my own limitations. Grief The general definition of grief is the internal response to loss: what we feel, what we think, what we imagine; the meaning we ascribe to the loss and the time we require to work through it. The grievance period is a time that might include sleep and appetite disturbances, concentration problems, difficulties with decision-making, loss of interest in things we once enjoyed, social withdrawal, confusion, and disorientation. As Ruth Bright (2002) writes, it is more than sadness, “It can include anger, humiliation, feelings of depression, disbelief, relief of tension…” (p. vi). Experience teaches us that when death is expected, as in terminal illnesses, and there is enough time for emotional departure, the process takes on more of a sense of closure, sometimes even of relief, knowing that the deceased will no longer have to endure pain and suffering. While this doesn’t eliminate the pain and sadness, the egocentric part of loss (I was left alone, I suffer, why me?) is marginalized. Nathaniel had passed away following a few months of intensive music therapy sessions. I had never met him before, I did not know him in depth from his past, and I was not a member of his family. I knew that he was dying and that I had to do my best to facilitate the most I could through the sessions. I had time to think about the end of the process, which motivated me to dedicate as much time, professionalism, and emotional attention as I possibly could to the course of therapy. When Nathaniel passed away, I felt sad, empty, and at the same time relieved for him that his agony was finally over. I attended the funeral with no psychological hesitation, knowing the practical and symbolic importance of the closing of the tombstone on the grave (“stimat golal:” according to the ancient Jewish custom of rolling a round stone on the entrance of the burial cave), which does not leave death’s irreversibility ambiguous. The Halacha (traditional Jewish laws) concerning burial do not attempt to beautify death. The deceased is buried and not hidden in a coffin so that his body will come in direct contact with the earth, as it is instructed in the Bible: “From dust thou art, and unto dust shalt thou return” (Genesis 3:19). While the physical aspect of death has a precise timing, the emotional departure has no date or precise place. This is why whenever we encounter death along our paths, it connects us to the process of mourning. Mourning takes the internal grief and expresses it externally: visitations of the family, the funeral, visiting the cemetery, memorial days, erecting the grave-tomb, different customs, and more. Its objective is to assist the development of a new relationship with the departed based on memory and the reconstruction of meaning in life. The process of grieving eventually reaches an end, but the process of mourning may be very long. Eliyahu Rosenheim (2003) describes grief and mourning as a “passage-ritual” that guides the bereaved person in how to cope with death and adjust to life without the deceased (p. 174). Rosenheim claims that from a psychological point of view, the irreversibility of death enables the shift to the next phase, which Freud defines as “work of mourning” (p. 199). This term describes the intrapsychic process whereby the bereaved person gradually manages to detach himself from the object (Freud, 1917). How does this process relate to the therapist who has lost a patient? Once again, the process differs when we deal with a sudden death during or at the end of therapy in comparison to a death occurring years after therapy has ended. When Jacob’s family asked me to bring his recorded music to the 30th-day ritual, I could hardly bring myself to do it. It took me a year to summarize his music therapy process (Sekeles, 1996, chapter 5). Jacob had died unexpectedly from a heart attack following two years of left hemiplegia due to a CVA (stroke). He had worked very hard on his damaged functions, had plans for the future, and managed very well with his deficiencies. We had both felt satisfaction and efficiency in regard to the process he had undergone. All of this had been cut short a few days following the termination of therapy. My immediate reaction after hearing the news was one of deep sadness mixed with anger and disappointment. I could scarcely accept the idea that the realization of so much work and mental investment had been taken within one minute by death. Of course, I could have assumed a different position, telling myself, for example, “Jacob invested his last two years in a productive way, proving his mental capacity and personal strength to his family, congregation, and himself. He died a sudden death and did not suffer,” but at that moment, the personal “insult” had been too strong and I had to collect myself in order to gain a better emotional and cognitive angle. How did I work through it? To begin with, at that time I partook of psychoanalytically oriented supervision that enabled me to share my grief, mourning, and bereavement. The conversations with the supervisor were very important and gave me the energy to prepare the closure. Preparing a Closure 1. Participating in the funeral and preparing musical material for the 30th-day memorial. This was done following the clear request of the deceased’s wife and consultation with the supervisor with whom I worked at that time. 2. Writing a letter to the patient’s wife and family. I took this initiative in light of the long cooperation and acquaintance I had had with his wife. 3. The following components are routinely completed subsequent to the conclusion of a music therapy process, but in the case of death they also assist with emotional closure: a. Summarizing all the reports written after every session into one document. b. Summarizing the recordings, highlighting the most important moments in the patient’s development. 4. Transcribing parts of the patient’s improvised music and safeguarding them in his file. 5. Many years later: writing a case analysis as a chapter in my 1996 book. All this served to create an emblem of the man or, in a way, a “working memorial monument.” Paying Respect by Playing John had been suffering from early dementia due to severe alcoholism. In the past, he had been a well-known pianist-performer, but had lost his technical ability, memory, and dynamic performance skills. I worked with him through improvisations, a field he had not been fond of in his professional days, and through employing different techniques had gradually enabled him to return to playing short compositions. Yet again, this had been a mutual effort that bore mild fruits. Years later, I was informed of his death. In this case, I had to find an alternative way of paying my respect to John’s memory. I did so by working on Chopin’s Revolutionary Étude, ever so beloved by John, who had attempted to reconstruct it in his memory and fingers in spite of the agony he endured while doing so. As with the abovementioned points (3, 4, 5), this was an action taken by me alone, thus not interfering with possible ethical restrictions. Suicide Eric (a schizophrenic patient with whom I worked for four years, accompanying him through the thorny road from mutism to creativity) committed suicide many years after his release from the hospital, as had Edwin. Again, I had heard of the tragedy after I had left the hospital and returned to my homeland. Eric used to write to me from time to time, and consequently his death by suicide did not come as a real surprise to me. I had always harbored concern regarding his loneliness and desperation. Eric had persevered 20 years after leaving the hospital, but then had regressed and been hospitalized. In his final letter to me, he wrote: “I have the feeling that my music has been finished and that my life is back to zero” (Sekeles, 2005b). Edwin had also endured the world beyond the hospital for over ten years. With both, I had experienced a sense of deep desperation, of sitting far away, helpless, powerless to help. I knew that this did not reflect the actual reality and that these schizophrenic patients survived outside the hospital, but had many regressions and periods of hospitalization. I knew that they obtained very good treatment; however, emotionally, I still felt a responsibility. This is probably due to the long therapeutic alliance, the emotional investment, the idea of helping a very ill individual grow and develop within the boundaries of his condition, the closure of a long therapeutic process, and the disadvantage of geographic distance. In his book, Suicide—The Tragedy of Hopelessness, David Aldridge (1998) states: By concentrating on repeated sequences of interaction, the episode of suicidal behaviour can be constructed not as impulsive but as belonging within an extended time frame. Rather than punctuate reality into a short arc of critical disturbance, it is possible to see the episode as belonging to a cyclic pattern of escalating interaction (p. 276). For the person who is suicidal, then, distress has escalated beyond the threshold of their toleration. They have no more resources to sustain themselves. This is a process of desertification (p. 278). Eric and Edwin had both been very lonely men: Edwin’s wife had been killed by him, while Eric’s had divorced him. Eric filled the emptiness with a musical group he organized with colleagues-patients; Edwin created some music but was not involved in any meaningful activity that might advance his contact with other human beings. It seemed as though they had indeed reached the threshold of their toleration. Transforming the Energy of Grief One of the ways that people cope with their grief and turn it into a positive, creative action is through a memorial gesture. For example: • • • • • • • • Choosing a special tombstone. Composing music. Organizing a musical evening. Arranging an album with photos. Publishing a book with the letters, poetry, etc., of the deceased. Making a film. Erecting a sculpture as a memorial monument. Cultivating a garden. Some of these undertakings may help us as therapists, specifically when they incorporate music and do not interfere with the bereavement of the deceased’s close family and friends. It is essential to remember that a therapist is not a member of the family and that interference beyond the empathic space might generate ethical problems. What the boundaries of this “empathic space” are depend in a way on individual therapeutic ideology. I know of therapists who would never attend the funeral of a patient and remain distanced even in the case of a child. Others are more flexible or even devoid of any boundaries. I prefer to maintain individual consideration and base my decisions according to each particular case that arises, i.e., to remain flexible within the ethical boundaries. Some ethical regulations are very clear concerning the appropriate behavior for a therapist in the incidence of a patient’s death. For example, the Israeli association of clinical psychologists treats the ethical regulations for a deceased patient in the same way as it handles the regulations for a living patient. Conversely, the Israeli Association of Creative and Expressive Therapies does not broach the issue at all. Jehudit Achmon (2004, Ch. 8), deals with the dual relationship in a very thorough book, Ethical Issues for Professionals in Counseling and Psychotherapy. In regard to writing about the patient, Achmon warns the therapist to be aware of and clear about his or her own interests, which may conflict with the patient’s well-being (p. 174). Nonetheless, any contemplated action must first be discussed with the family members involved in order to obtain their consent. It should be noted that Achmon’s chapter discusses the relationship between two living people, the patient and the therapist, whereas what I’m concerned with here is the reaction of the therapist following the death of his client. 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The ICD–10 classification of mental and behavioural disorders: Clinical descriptions and diagnostic guidelines (1st ed., 1992). Geneva: World Health Organization. Yalom, I. (1985). The theory and practice of group psychotherapy. New York: Basic Books. Taken from: Hibben, J. (Ed.) (1999). Inside Music Therapy: Client Experiences. Gilsum NH: Barcelona Publishers. CASE EIGHT Feelings of Doubt, Hope, and Faith Henk Smeijsters Introduction I am a qualitative researcher reporting on Ingrid’s experience of music therapy. In her sessions, Ingrid’s music therapist, José van den Hurk, suggested music improvisations on the piano, split drums, fiddle, and congas and with voice to help Ingrid express feelings and strengthen her personal identity and self-esteem. Ingrid had felt depressed since her husband died three years earlier. Sometimes she said to herself: “Who am I? I’m in the habit of acting as though on a stage. I have lost myself.” Ingrid was referred to music therapy after 21 sessions of verbal psychotherapy; while in music therapy, she continued psychotherapy on a less frequent basis. After each session, Ingrid and José independently wrote self-reports for this research project, and I made a detailed report from the videotape of the sessions, transcribing Ingrid’s words verbatim. Ingrid’s self-reports were also typed out in transcripts on which I commented in memos. The transcripts and memos were checked by Ingrid and José. I analyzed the transcripts, using qualitative research techniques: I developed diagnostic themes, gave feedback on the treatment process, and made suggestions for goals and techniques. During this process, there was repeated feedback between José and me. On several occasions, there were talks between Ingrid, José, and Ingrid’s psychotherapist. I present Ingrid’s statements during the music therapy sessions (three through 22), her talks with José and the psychotherapist, and her written self-reports, all of which describe the therapy experience from her perspective. I follow Ingrid’s words with my own analysis from a phenomenological point of view (Smeijsters, 1997); this is called a protocol analysis (Colaizzi, 1978; Giorgi, 1985). Phenomenology tries to “understand what meaning ... the music therapy intervention has for those who experience it” (Forinash, 1995, p. 372). Ingrid’s Statements Session 3 Self-Report. My first thought was, “How will it be?” How is it possible to use music instruments without being able to read a single note? I was very surprised that I felt pleasure in just making sounds. I liked searching for some sort of a melody. José made me even more enthusiastic. How will it be the second time? Now everything is new and surprising. I will wait and see what the next session will bring. I have faith. Session 4 During the Session. How can music therapy help me? It feels as if I’m acting as though I am a handicapped person.... When José intensified the music, I said to myself, “Don’t go any further.” I won’t let myself hurry up. But sometimes it feels as if I have more energy. Self-Report. Contrary to the previous session, there was a need to make music of my own. When José started playing loud, I thought, “You can do it.” But I kept to my own tempo and loudness. I did not want to attune to José’s playing. My experience was very different from the previous session. I wanted to explore sounds myself. Session 5 During the Session. I feel fine. I like to do gardening at home. Why should I come to music therapy? Why am I digging in the past? What I am doing completely lacks melody. In the beginning, I thought that this was stupid. If I could not succeed immediately, I stopped it. But when you [Jose] asked me to give it another try, it worked out. I don’t want to be soft. It is impossible to say how I feel. Something is missing. Is there a need to come next time? Self-Report. Searching for notes that make a whole--make a harmony--with notes played by José on the piano gives me a pretty feeling. Whenever I cannot find the right tones, there is disharmony. When we are playing against each other, I don’t like it. When José told me afterward that she had felt contact, I could not understand what she was saying. I cannot feel it that way. The statement made me nervous, and I felt as if I was going to hyperventilate. I guarded against it by not giving way to it. I think I become frightened when people come too close. Sometimes I get angry because I want to decide myself when there should be closeness. Why am I afraid of closeness? Talk with José and Psychotherapist. I did not feel any contact with you [Jose] and thought, “What are you talking about?” Do I want this with a stranger? Do I have to become even more sensitive? I am afraid when you talk like this.... Does music therapy have any effect on my daily life? Session 6 Self-Report. I hesitated to write this self-report. Why? Because I found it so difficult. Everything is so close again, but I shall try to write down what I felt when I was looking at the videotape from the improvisation. I was watching with a lot of concentration and with a critical attitude. I don’t know what I felt while watching. But I know what I felt afterward. I was moved and sad at the same time: sad because I am a sad person but also because I cannot accept myself. I look very rational, but this attitude gives me a bad feeling. Often I think that I am doing and saying things all wrong. Deep inside, I feel very insecure. I would like to change, but how? Session 7 During the Session. What I am doing is stumbling. The moments when we played together were nice. If you [Jose] play loudly, I do not understand it at all. I wonder whether making contact is the same as playing together. When I say I felt contact, I become anxious. Crossing hands with you on the piano is weird. Self-Report. When you [Jose] were rubbing the congas, this was irritating, as if somebody were petting over my body. But when I kept on playing on the piano and surrendered to the sounds of the piano, it became less frightening. Later on, for the first time I felt sorrow about the death of my mother [a long time ago]. When I remembered my childhood, I felt the lack of cuddling by her. She gave me a lot of care, but at a distance. There was a lack of warmth. My parents never gave me compliments and this took away my enthusiasm. I believe, therefore, that my self-image did not develop. I hope that in music therapy and psychotherapy, it will be possible to develop my self-image. I want to become cheerful and relaxed. Session 8 During the Session. I ask myself why I write the way I do. Why is it so restless? Why can’t it be quiet? Always, I am hewing things down. It resembles my behavior in music. Playing the piano is like my life. In music now, I try to let it merge, but saying to myself that I am playing on the piano is so strange. Is it really playing the piano? Self-Report. I have no self-report because it is always the same. Why am I so negative? Is this the process? Session 9 Self-Report. During piano-playing, a lot of memories came up. But they are just memories. I don’t feel any pain. Negative experiences belong to life, and one should try to guard against these experiences in the future. I want to work on the future; I want to strengthen my ego, accept myself. Session 10 During The Session. Using my voice costs me a lot of effort. It is oppressive; my voice is so locked. It only comes out stumbling. I am afraid. There is a lot of energy that is not coming out. Humming is spasmodic; it is not spontaneous. But I have to try because I want to break down my façade. If I put away my frustrations, I will never find rest. Self-Report. When I am playing with José on the piano, I am searching for balance and for a melody. I want to make a consonance, a fluent whole. When I succeed, it gives me a nice feeling, although it still is melancholic. I feel sorrow. In the beginning of music therapy, this feeling had to do with me; now it is linked to others. Today, I know that I need to release myself from something, but I don’t know what it is. I also feel anxious and insecure when I manifest myself in sounds. I need to have less pride. Reluctantly, I started walking on thin ice. In past years, I built an immense façade, looking tough and communicating “Don’t come close; I can do it all by myself.” As a result, I cannot handle important feelings. In the last few weeks, I have learned to have more insight into these things. Some time ago, I didn’t know what others were talking about. I had only one thought: “I don’t want to be soft.” Now, this is totally different. Cognition and feeling are in contact; they are balanced now. Because of too much pride and fear of making errors, I was very tense. Now I want to listen to my feelings. It is a very slow process. There still are many blocks--for instance, in my voice. Nevertheless, I want to do my best. I must show and accept myself. Session 11 During the Session. Putting feelings into words, saying things without defense, is difficult. I become angry. I have to stop suppressing my feelings. Whenever there is some melody, I enjoy it. I am growing up. I liked the improvisation, but it is very difficult. I need to accept myself. There is nothing that gives me the feeling that this is what I am good at. I really want to be able to do something very well, not just play like in kindergarten. Immediately, there is the feeling that what I am doing is of no value. I am searching for the reasons. Self-Report. There is no self-report because I am always writing the same things. This is boring. Things are moving too slowly. Session 12 During the Session. I am still in a melancholic mood. I feel sorrow and resignation that I can hear in my voice. I am unable to write things down on paper. I can make a sound, but this is not feeling. Self-Report. While singing, I felt a block, which made me feel peevish and angry. The feeling of anger disturbs me and increases tension. I think it is because of the death of my husband. Maybe it will last for years. I cannot accept this, but I cannot change it either. Pain and anger are present very often, especially during music therapy. I feel pressure; I feel a heavy burden and a sorrow about a lot of things. I don’t want it that way. It makes me angry, as if I need to account for everything. Session 13 During the Session. I can’t think of an instrument [I want] and I don’t want to bang on an instrument to express my anger. Nobody can force me to do it. Banging, being temperamental, does not help at all. My helplessness can be expressed on the violin. I have the feeling that music therapy cannot bring me any further. Self-Report. Since the last music therapy session, I have felt very depressed, tired, and lonely. José asked me to make an evaluation report, but I am inclined to postpone it. Writing down feelings on paper feels like stepping over a high threshold. I have the same feeling during music therapy. Inside me, something blocks my feelings. But I will try to continue writing because it is necessary to make progress in music therapy. I am on a good track. In psychotherapy and music therapy, processes have begun. Especially in music therapy, my feelings are evoked, and then I can feel a block. Because I have been very aware of this block during the last days, I am depressed. At the start of music therapy, I said to José that I want to work on the future. My childhood and education were very normal. There were no traumatic experiences; however, now I know that there is a period in my life that I think about frequently. When I remember this period, I become very angry and feel helpless again. One of my sisters was favored above others. She was a troublesome girl, disobedient. One time she attacked my throat. Previously, I could not shake off these memories. Sometimes an immense fury came over me. I always had to be the wise girl who did not hit back. Thus I learned to keep silent, to suppress my feelings. I felt misunderstood but was too helpless to fight for my own rights. I think because of this period in my life, I have been blocked and have lost my spontaneity and self-confidence. Talk with José and Psychotherapist. I feel anger. What am I doing? What is the reason I am doing this? There are positive aspects, too. I am putting my life upside down, quarreling with my family. What is the profit of this? I was depressed last week. I feel there is a block. I also feel a lot of anger against my sister, who was hysterical [and] stupid but smart enough to get what she wanted. I think about those moments, but I don’t know if it makes any sense to bring up these memories. What should I do? My brother is the same story. If he hurts me, I will hit him. He is a son of a bitch, always telling me that I am worthless. What is the value in all this? I am not the one I used to be. I feel depressed and chaotic and am unable to sleep at night. When I sleep, I dream a lot of new things. I am no expert. I don’t know where the limits are. I don’t want to quarrel. At the same time, I tell my brother, “If you talk like this to me, you no longer can count on me.” I want music therapy to help me to be less depressed. But please, don’t come too close. I don’t want to evoke problems that are not real. Session 14 During the Session. Not everything is negative. During music therapy, negative things surface. I am frustrated that I am doing nothing with the negative things. I get sad about my anxiousness, my hesitation to speak of things. [While looking at the videotape of the previous session, she says to herself], Come on, sing with more certainty; let’s hear yourself. [After she starts singing while watching, she says,] Do it like this. What are you doing? It can be much better, more energetic. Self-Report. Looking at the videotape is fascinating and makes me feel good. I am not humiliating myself but telling myself to go on. Although on the videotape there was much hesitation and I was thinking how laborious it was, I had no negative feeling. I said to myself, “Carry on.” I felt very lonely, but I want to continue, to become less tense. Will I ever succeed? Session 15 During the Session. Things are going fine, but writing them down is very difficult because then everything looks so negative. Self-Report. It was my task to write down how I feel when I have to make decisions. From this I learned that when someone asks me to do something I don’t want, I am unable to say no. Afterward, I have a bad feeling because I didn’t react at the right moment. This week has been very quiet. I stayed at home the whole week and tried to become conscious of my feelings, not knowing yet how to handle them. I have decided to go on with it. Session 16 During the Session. I reacted very impulsively last week when somebody told me rubbish about other people. I became very emotional and felt it deep inside me. I don’t want it that way. I realized when I looked at the video that for the first time, I have been not humiliating myself. Now as I remember, I feel that I am not completely free because there is pressure in my chest. When I use my voice, I come very close [to expressing something]. I have to jump over a rock, but I don’t want to run away. There is almost no variation when I am singing. You [Jose] have much more variation. If you are not playing the piano, my voice completely breaks down. When you were playing the conga, I said to myself, “Now throw it out.” There is not yet joy, but there is no more depression. It is not easy. Self-Report. During the improvisation, I was not satisfied; I could not get started and again felt the block. While driving home in my car, I said to myself that I should try to sing now. Then it came out much more spontaneously. During the session, I felt the same loneliness I felt when looking at the videotape. How lonely I am. When I left church on Sunday and when I saw families around me, I had the same feeling. How sad it is. I need over and over again an affirmation to help me to build self-confidence. I need to tolerate being lonely. I try to get over my blocks or to accept them. I also want to discover new ways of living outside music therapy, by taking courses; however, I think my goals are too high. I always want to reach goals quickly. I need to be more quiet; then I will succeed. Session 17 During the Session. It doesn’t work. In my car, I can sing along much better. In the car, I am much more relaxed. During the music therapy session, there are too many thoughts. Being lonely feels so bad; I get angry about it. It is possible to learn, isn’t it? I am so lonely; everybody else has companionship. Inside me, there is a lot of pain. I had to blow my nose, but I didn’t want to stop playing. I wanted to sing through my grief. Being together is beautiful. If you sing along with me, my grief fades away. When it sounds beautiful, the grief disappears. I feel less lonely, but grief has not disappeared completely. Things are going much better. Self-Report. During the improvisation, I felt a lot of grief about my deceased husband. After some time, the grief faded away. Then there was rest. I consciously tried to use my voice. I felt that I wanted to go through this. Sometimes I tried to sing loudly. I didn’t like the pain I felt. In the beginning of the improvisation, it was so deep. It was a very fine experience when, later on during improvising, the peaceful feeling came. I hope this will stay and grow in the future. I show my vulnerability, which still is not easy. With little steps forward, I will succeed. Session 18 During the Session. I want to sing through something. What is this? Is it aggression, pain? It happens every time when I am in music therapy. I just want to sing a simple melody without feeling anything, and then strong feelings come up. I will try to use my voice as I do in the car. Why is this so difficult in music therapy? In music therapy, there is no singing--just screaming for my husband. It hurts. Why does this grief not come to an end? The grief blocks my spontaneity. Music therapy evokes very strong feelings. Self-Report. I feel there is stagnation; I want to sing, but my voice is blocked. Is there something else we can do? The transcripts of the sessions were fascinating and astonishing. I would like to talk over some of the points with the psychotherapist to reach more insight. Session 19 During the Session. In the transcript, it seems as though the aspects of my life have been well organized. I am unable to write it down this way myself. It looks nice, but in real life things are mixed. Several things I do not understand yet. Is it possible to live without a pressure to achieve? What I wrote about myself is difficult to read. Feelings come up. Today I don’t want to sing. Using my voice is linked to being free, but there still is no freedom. Self-Report. There is a conflict in me. I feel lonely; I want to meet people and at the same time I don’t. I know that I can be a complete human being only together with others, but it is so difficult to be open. I want intimacy, but at the same time, I revolt against it. Often, I think that I don’t have any creativity, that I hold on too much to the well-known. But I also long for something new. I have a mass of feelings. Again and again, I search for self-acceptance and identity. In the last weeks, I have been close to hyperventilation; my chest became tight. There also are a lot of good things. Session 20 During the Session. In church, I have been singing with a trembling voice, fighting my grief. I felt as if I had to surrender [to the grief]. I was anxious. It [the improvisation] went right through my soul. My chest became tight; I don’t know what it is. Am I straining myself too much? . There is a wish to make contact but with a clear limit. When you [Jose] played on my instrument, I felt this to be intrusive. Being very close is not pleasant; I don’t want to surrender. When the music gets loud, I don’t like it, but I also say to myself, “Let it happen; stand up for yourself.” I don’t know exactly how I feel. Is there an unconscious anxiety? Is it because of my fear of being rejected? Self-Report. During the session, there were a lot of mixed feelings. But most of the feelings were fine. I liked it when contact came up spontaneously, when it did not intrude on me, and when we were carefully touching each other in music and creating something beautiful. When someone else comes too close, I feel resistance. Loud music is not pleasant either. It makes me insecure; then I lock myself up. I have decided to cancel my holiday trip; this decision felt good. But I am still insecure and hope that I will feel better. I feel lonely and I don’t like it. I don’t know how to continue. Session 21 During the Session. Playing loudly is aggressive. I don’t like it. I don’t experience the intimacy you [Jose] feel while we are playing. But I like it. I have a long way to go. Self-Report. Writing down my feelings in the self-report takes a lot of effort. Is it because I don’t want to show my weak sides? . Our contact in music was very nice, but for me, this is not intimacy. Body contact--when José touched my hand during playing--I don’t like. Playing together is wonderful. I felt very fine when I drove home. There was rest, balance, complete harmony, no tension, no nervousness, no questions, and no negative feelings. Last week, I tried to stay connected with this feeling. It is so important to make contact with my own feelings. Each time when I become insecure, I say to myself, “Stay close to your feelings. Don’t try to be someone else and don’t press yourself. Attune to your feelings.” When I attune to my feelings, I learn to accept myself. My negative self-image is changing. Now I can meet difficulties without losing self-confidence. It still is difficult to be assertive at the right moment. Processes have begun that take time. Not everything can change at once. Last week, this came to my mind: “Life is like an expansive garden in which you are walking, sowing, planting, and trimming, where plants are flowering and dying. But all the time, one takes a walk, during rain and sunshine. Again and again. Life is good to live! It is good to learn how to live!” Session 22 During the Session. I want to love somebody, but there is no feeling of love for anybody. I am very clumsy, challenging someone else and then withdrawing. What do I want? Today I can’t sing, I am blocked. [Nevertheless, after some time, she spontaneously starts singing.] I said to myself, “Come on.” Today it came out very well. Self-Report. I look back at the session with much pleasure. The music-playing was beautiful; I was involved in it and there was no anxiety about coming too close. The alternation between loud and soft was beautiful. It was fragile, and I felt completely there as a personal self. I experienced life going up and down with highlights and setbacks. In the music-playing, I experienced being moved as in life but without the big discrepancies between hills and valleys. In the subtle passages, I found a part of my inner self that is deep feeling, tenderness, and love. I also felt vulnerability and a lack of self-confidence. In my contacts, I try to transform the indifferent woman into a feeling human being. I try to listen; I try to be patient. I feel engaged and feel love for someone else--not like love between man and woman; however, not everybody notices that I am changing. Last week, someone said to me that I am dictatorial, that there is no love inside me. When I heard his words, I cried. It hurt me deeply; there was real pain. Then I realized that my self-confidence is still weak. I doubt myself. I am getting tired of this, but I want to continue and I will try it over and over again. Self-Report: Prepared for Talk with José and Psychotherapist. My self-confidence, selfworth, and assertiveness still are weak. I have to work hard on it. I say to myself, “Continue; make transformations from negative to positive feelings.” Is it because I cannot yet find an activity that I can master, like when I am playing subtly on the piano? I will try gardening and drawing. There is progress, too. At the time, I feel much more relaxed and less depressed. I stay close to my feelings, as if I have to pull down first before I can build up again. In summary, I can say that several changes have been initiated and that I need to continue. Perhaps the time has come to stop therapy now and continue on my own. Final Talk with José and Psychotherapist. I am still weak; I get frustrated when somebody says I am dictatorial. Yes, I am firm, but I am helpful, too. I think when I am firm, I say things in a way that people don’t like. I have changed. I feel relaxed, less nervous, and less depressed. I stay close to my feelings, but I am not yet satisfied. I am in the stage of pulling down and building up, like in gardening. Now I don’t say anymore, “You are playing like a child”; I say, “Continue.” In music, things have changed already. In daily life, change is not yet spontaneous; each time, I need to think about how to behave. There should be fewer hills and valleys in my life and more selfconfidence, self-acceptance, and positive assertiveness. When I am stable, then I will be creative. I will continue with gardening, without the pressure of high standards. I will put my feelings in colored drawings. When I draw, I say to myself, “I am who I am; I will use the blue color because I want it.” On the one hand, I want to continue music therapy; on the other hand, I want to stand on my own feet. I will search for something I can do on my own, into which I can put my feelings and find self-confidence and pleasure. Henk’s Thematic Analysis of Ingrid’s Statements Theme 1: “Why Am I Doing This?” Ingrid was suspicious in the beginning about music therapy and about her playing on musical instruments. She asked herself how this could help her because she had no formal music training. Throughout the course of therapy, she doubted the value of expressing negative feelings. She kept asking why negative feelings had to be expressed. When the music therapist asked her to express her feelings on instruments, she said she could not find the right instruments and she was resistant to banging on an instrument to express her anger. In her opinion, banging on instruments did not help at all. She had doubts about digging into the past. She had the impression that she was turning her life upside down. Remembering past experiences made her upset and depressed. She felt chaotic and was unable to sleep at night. At those kinds of moments, she would say that music therapy could not help her any further. Ingrid wanted to become less depressed and decided she did not want to evoke problems that she thought were not real. She had the impression that especially in music therapy, negative experiences became manifest. When improvising with her voice, Ingrid felt blocked, whereas she said that in her car, she could sing spontaneously. Each time she wanted to sing a simple melody, strong feelings were evoked. Many times, she asked herself why singing in music therapy was so difficult. Singing was like screaming for her husband. At times when she recognized that this grief had not come to an end, she felt stagnated and resigned. It was burdensome to her that her personal process was a very slow one. When, at the end of therapy, Ingrid started to make decisions and change her relational behavior outside music therapy, not all her relatives noticed the changes in her. Because of this, she again felt her insecurity, vulnerability, and lack of self-confidence. This made her cry and filled her with doubts about herself. It made her tired. Theme 2: “Will I Ever Be Creative?” When playing with the music therapist in the beginning, Ingrid forced herself to find the right notes. Not finding the right melody upset her. At those times, she felt stupid and handicapped and stopped the improvisation. She felt she wanted to do something well. In music therapy, she felt as if she were playing in kindergarten. She complained that there was no variation in her singing and that her singing completely broke down when the music therapist stopped playing the piano. When Ingrid started to experiment with free melodic lines, she doubted whether she could ever be creative. In her opinion, she stayed too much with the expected. She expressed a strong wish to change this situation. She longed for something new, and whenever she found a new melody, she enjoyed it. At the end of music therapy, Ingrid no longer felt as if she were playing in kindergarten. She now communicated a personal wish to be more self-confident, self-accepting, and assertive in activities without feeling she had to fulfill high standards. She decided to put feeling into activities, to give way to her wishes, and to be who she is. Theme 3: “I Want to Make Contact My Way” When Ingrid was playing with the music therapist, she was searching for balance and consonance. When she succeeded in doing this, it gave her a nice feeling. Although Ingrid liked playing ensemble, she was unwilling to imitate or synchronize with the music therapist’s increase of tempo and dynamics. For Ingrid, this felt like an act of aggression that made her insecure and made her close up; however, there were moments when she reacted to this by saying to herself, “Let it happen; stand up for yourself.” Several times, Ingrid said she could not understand the music therapist’s playing. She did not feel any contact in the music and was afraid of the music therapist’s talk about contact. When the music therapist rubbed the congas, she said that it was as if somebody were petting her body. When the music therapist played on Ingrid’s [part of the] instrument and accidentally touched her hand, it felt intrusive. Ingrid told how in the past she had built a facade that communicated to everybody not to come too close. There was a wish to make contact but with clear limits. When someone else passed her limits, it felt as if she would surrender. Because she didn’t want to surrender, she expressed resistance. In the final sessions, Ingrid liked it when contact came up spontaneously, when it did not intrude on her. When she and the music therapist were carefully touching each other in the music, they were creating something beautiful. Although she didn’t experience intimacy as the music therapist did, she said it had been wonderful. When driving home (after Session 21), she experienced rest, balance, complete harmony, no tension, no nervousness, a lack of questions, and no negative feelings. Theme 4: “I Need to Cry It Out from My Soul” Ingrid was frightened to express feelings. When feelings came up, it was difficult for her to say how she felt. She told the music therapist that she looked very rational on the outside, but that deep in her heart she was very insecure. Her anxiety and her hesitation to tell things made her feel sad. On the other hand, she wished to release a lot of energy. At some moments, this wish manifested itself in impulsive reactions, which upset her. She expressed a wish to change but did not know how. She experienced her voice as being blocked and was afraid to express herself in sound. For her, this felt as if she were walking on thin ice. When she became aware of the vocal block, she became depressed. She realized that she never had been able to understand and to handle feelings. Although at the start of music therapy Ingrid had told the music therapist that she had had no traumatic experiences as a child, during music therapy she admitted that she had. Pain and anger about her life were present very often during music therapy. When remembering her childhood, she felt a lack of warmth and caring by her mother. Because one of her sisters had been very difficult, Ingrid had been forced to control herself and to suppress her own feelings all the time. Now she felt furious about this. She expressed anger because of what her sister and brother had done to her. She concluded that because of these past experiences, there had been no development of her self-image and self-confidence and that she had lost her spontaneity. This, in her opinion, now became obvious in music therapy. She said she did not feel completely free in music therapy. She used her singing to counteract her grief but at the same time felt anxious. She told the music therapist that the vocal improvisations went right through her soul and made her chest feel tight. Ingrid’s negative feelings forced her again and again to search for self-acceptance and identity. She also was aware that there were many fine feelings. Theme 5: “The Music--That Is Me” Ingrid talked about her restless writing and way of relating. She compared these behaviors to her music-playing. These she thought were identical. Playing the piano, she said, was like her life. Using her voice was like an expression of freedom. On the other hand, she had doubts whether playing together on musical instruments is the same as making contact. Inside and outside music therapy, Ingrid experienced an inner conflict about social contacts and the wish to meet people. In the final session, she experienced the music improvisation as fragile. In it, she said, she found a part of her feeling self. She described how during improvisation she experienced life going up and down, with highlights and setbacks. In the improvisation, she experienced being moved as in life but without the great discrepancies between hills and valleys. She said that while in music therapy she had changed already, in daily life her changes had not yet occurred spontaneously. Theme 6: “Just Look at Me” Looking at the videotapes of several sessions was fascinating to Ingrid and gave her a good feeling. She was aware, when she saw herself on video, that she was not humiliating herself by telling herself to go on. Although writing her feelings down in the self-report cost her a lot of effort, Ingrid told the music therapist that the transcripts of her self-reports, the music therapist’s self-reports, and the researcher’s observations were fascinating and astonishing. She expressed a wish to talk them over to reach more insight. Theme 7: “I Hope I Can Change; I Want to Change” Ingrid expressed the hope that by means of music therapy and psychotherapy, it would be possible to develop her self-image, to become less insecure, more cheerful and relaxed. When grief for her deceased husband had turned into a peaceful feeling, it was a very fine experience for her. She expressed hope that this feeling would stay and grow in the future. In the first music therapy sessions, Ingrid was surprised that it was possible to make music, and this experience stimulated her to explore her musical possibilities further. The experience gave her faith. In the final session, she was pleased that when playing she did not have anxiety about coming too close. Ingrid felt as if she was growing up and learning. Her negative self-image was changing and her self-confidence was increasing. Although she knew that her self-confidence, self-worth, and assertiveness still were weak and that she had to work hard on them, she knew there had been progress already. She said that she had become more relaxed, less nervous, less depressed, and was closer to her feelings. She felt that she was on a good track and that she had begun to make progress. She became confident that she would succeed little by little. During the course of music therapy, Ingrid became convinced that she needed to release herself from something and she expressed a firm wish to express her energy because she thought this would be the right way to break down her resistance. She expressed a wish to listen to her feelings, to lower her pride, to show herself vulnerable, to take the risk of making errors, to strengthen her ego, and to accept herself. By singing, she tried to get over her blocks and to express what was inside her, to sing through her grief. Several times, she overcame her resistance to singing. She showed her strong will when she continued improvising. Although sometimes as a result of her experiences in music therapy she felt depressed, tired, lonely, blocked, and unable to write her self-report, she continued writing because she wanted to make progress. After looking at the videotapes, she expressed a strong wish to continue. Outside music therapy, she tried to stay connected with feelings of harmony and rest. Sometimes she stayed at home the whole week to become conscious of her feelings. When she became insecure outside music therapy, she trained herself to stay close to her feelings, not to try to be someone else. Ingrid used several metaphors that expressed her will to change: a rock she had to jump over, a garden that time and time again needed care, and a building that had to be pulled down first before it could be built up again. She knew that the process takes time, and that not everything can change at once, but she was willing to keep trying. At the end of music therapy, she expressed a wish to stand on her own feet. Epilogue José and I were deeply moved by Ingrid’s will to change. We observed a very brave woman who, knowing that the road to health was a rough one, nevertheless decided to take the path. It was moving to observe how she gradually let go of her perfectionistic goals, how she became more open to her feelings, and how she allowed herself to experience her inner self in the music. Other E-books in this Series Available from: www.barcelonapublishers.com Case Examples of Music Therapy— For Alzheimer’s Disease For Autism and Rett Syndrome In Bereavement For Children and Adolescents with Emotional or Behavioral Problems For Developmental Problems in Learning and Communication At the End of Life For Event Trauma For Medical Conditions For Mood Disorders For Multiple Disabilities For Musicians For Personality Disorders For Schizophrenia and Other Psychoses For Self-Development For Substance Use Disorders For Survivors of Abuse Barcelona Titles by Topic Available at www.barcelonapublishers.com Analytical Music Therapy • Essays on Analytical Music Therapy (Priestley) • Music Therapy in Action (Priestley) • The Dynamics of Music Psychotherapy (Bruscia) • Group Analytic Music Therapy (Ahonen-Eerikäinen) Case Studies • Case Studies in Music Therapy (Bruscia) • Inside Music Therapy: Client Experiences (Hibben) • Psychodynamic Music Therapy: Case Studies (Hadley) • Developments in Music Therapy Practice: Case Study Perspectives • Case Examples of Music Therapy: A Series of 16 e-books Children with Special Needs • Alike and Different: The Clinical and Educational Uses of Orff-Schulwerk – Second Edition (Bitcon) • The Miracle of Music Therapy (Boxill) • Music for Fun, Music for Learning (Birkenshaw-Fleming) • Music: Motion and Emotion: The Developmental-Integrative Model in Music Therapy (Sekeles) • Music, Therapy, and Early Childhood (Schwartz) • Music Therapy in Special Education (Nordoff & Robbins) • Therapy in Music for Handicapped Children (Nordoff & Robbins) Infancy and Early Childhood • Music, Therapy, and Early Childhood (Schwartz) • Music Therapy for Premature and Newborn Infants (Nöcker-Ribaupierre) End of Life • Music Therapy: Death and Grief (Sekeles) Feminism • Feminist Perspectives in Music Therapy (Hadley) Fieldwork and Internship Training • Clinical Training Guide for the Student Music Therapist (Wheeler, Shultis & Polen) • Music Therapy: A Fieldwork Primer (Borczon) • Music Therapy Supervision (Forinash) Group Work • Music Therapy: Group Vignettes (Borczon) • Music Therapy Improvisation for Groups: Essential Leadership Competencies (Gardstrom) Guided Imagery and Music (Bonny Method) • Guided Imagery and Music: The Bonny Method and Beyond (Bruscia & Grocke) • Music and Consciousness: The Evolution of Guided Imagery and Music (Bonny) • Music and Your Mind: Listening with a New Consciousness (Bonny & Savary) • Music for the Imagination (Bruscia) Guitar Skills • Guitar Skills for Music Therapists and Music Educators (Meyer, De Villers, Ebnet) Improvisational Music Therapy • The Architecture of Aesthetic Music Therapy (Lee) • Essays on Analytical Music Therapy (Priestley) • Creative Music Therapy: A Guide to Fostering Clinical Musicianship – Second Edition with Four CDs (Nordoff & Robbins) • Group Analytic Music Therapy (Ahonen-Eerikäinen) • Healing Heritage: Paul Nordoff Exploring the Tonal Language of Music (Robbins & Robbins) • Improvising in Styles: A Workbook for Music Therapists, Educators, and Musicians (Lee & Houde) • Music as Therapy: A Dialogal Perspective (Garred) • Music-Centered Music Therapy (Aigen) • Music Therapy: Improvisation, Communication, and Culture (Ruud) • Music Therapy Improvisation for Groups: Essential Leadership Competencies (Gardstrom) • Paths of Development in Nordoff-Robbins Music Therapy (Aigen) • Playin’ in the Band: A Qualitative study of Popular Music Styles as Clinical Improvisation (Aigen) • Sounding the Self: Analogy in Improvisational Music Therapy (Smeijsters) Music for Children to Sing and Play • Distant Bells (Levin & Levin) • Learning Songs (Levin & Levin) • Learning Through Music (Levin & Levin) • Learning Through Songs (Levin & Levin) • Let’s Make Music (Levin & Levin) • Music for Fun, Music for Learning (Birkenshaw-Fleming) • Snow White: A Guide to Child-Centered Musical Theatre (Lauri, Groeschel, Robbins, Ritholz & Turry) • Symphonics R Us (Levin & Levin) Nordoff-Robbins Music Therapy (Creative Music Therapy) • The Architecture of Aesthetic Music Therapy (Lee) • Being in Music: Foundations of Nordoff-Robbins Music Therapy (Aigen) • Conversations on Nordoff-Robbins Music Therapy (Verney & Ansdell) • Creative Music Therapy: A Guide to Fostering Clinical Musicianship – Second Edition with Four CDs (Nordoff & Robbins) • Healing Heritage: Paul Nordoff Exploring the Tonal Language of Music (Robbins & Robbins) • Here We Are in Music: One Year with an Adolescent Creative Music Therapy Group (Aigen) • A Journey into Creative Music Therapy (Robbins) • Music Therapy in Special Education (Nordoff & Robbins) • Paths of Development in Nordoff-Robbins Music Therapy (Aigen) • Playin’ in the Band: A Qualitative study of Popular Music Styles as Clinical Improvisation (Aigen) • Therapy in Music for Handicapped Children (Nordoff & Robbins) Music Psychotherapy • The Dynamics of Music Psychotherapy (Bruscia) • Essays on Analytical Music Therapy (Priestley) • Emotional Processes in Music Therapy (Pellitteri) • Group Analytic Music Therapy (Ahonen-Eerikäinen) • Guided Imagery and Music: The Bonny Method and Beyond (Bruscia & Grocke) • Music and Consciousness: The Evolution of Guided Imagery and Music (Bonny) • Music and Your Mind: Listening with a New Consciousness (Bonny & Savary) • Music Therapy: Group Vignettes (Borczon) • Psychodynamic Music Therapy: Case Studies (Hadley) Orff-Schulwerk • Alike and Different: The Clinical and Educational Uses of Orff-Schulwerk – Second Edition (Bitcon) Periodicals (Free Downloads Available) • International Journal of Arts Medicine • Qualitative Inquiries in Music Therapy: A Monograph Series Profound Mental Retardation • Age-Appropriate Activities for Adults with Profound Mental Retardation – Second Edition (Galerstein, Martin & Powe) Psychodrama • Acting Your Inner Music (Moreno) Psychiatry – Mental Health • Music Therapy in the Treatment of Adults with Mental Disorders: Theoretical Bases and Clinical Interventions (Unkefer & Thaut) • Psychiatric Music Therapy in the Community: The Legacy of Florence Tyson (McGuire) • Psychodynamic Music Therapy: Case Studies (Hadley) • Resource-Oriented Music Therapy in Mental Health Care (Rolvsjord) Research • A Guide to Writing and Presenting in Music Therapy (Aigen) • Multiple Perspectives: A Guide to Qualitative Research in Music Therapy (Smeijsters) • Music Therapy Research: Quantitative and Qualitative Perspectives – First Edition (1995) (Wheeler) • Music Therapy Research – Second Edition (2005) (Wheeler) • Playin’ in the Band: A Qualitative study of Popular Music Styles as Clinical Improvisation (Aigen) • Qualitative Inquiries in Music Therapy: A Monograph Series (Free Downloads Available Here) • Qualitative Music Therapy Research: Beginning Dialogues (Langenberg, Frömmer & Aigen) Supervision • Music Therapy Supervision (Forinash) Theory • Culture-Centered Music Therapy (Stige) • Defining Music Therapy – Second Edition (Bruscia) • Emotional Processes in Music Therapy (Pellitteri) • Music and Life in the Field of Play: An Anthology (Kenny) • Music as Therapy: A Dialogal Perspective (Garred) • Music-Centered Music Therapy (Aigen) • Music Therapy and its Relationship to Current Treatment Theories (Ruud) • Music Therapy: A Perspective from the Humanities (Ruud) • Music Therapy: Improvisation, Communication, and Culture (Ruud) • Music—The Therapeutic Edge: Readings from William W. Sears (Sears) Voice • • • • The Music Within You (Katsh & Fishman) Resource-Oriented Music Therapy in Mental Health Care (Rolvsjord) The Rhythmic Language of Health and Disease (Rider) Sounding the Self: Analogy in Improvisational Music Therapy (Smeijsters) • • Authentic Voices, Authentic Singing (Uhlig) Psychiatric Music Therapy in the Community: The Legacy of Florence Tyson (McGuire)